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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Billie Eilish speaks out on the effect of viewing porn at 11 years old

59 replies

PurgatoryOfPotholes · 15/12/2021 08:06

extract

“I started watching porn when I was like 11,” she told Stern. “I was an advocate and I thought I was one of the guys and would talk about it and think I was really cool for not having a problem with it and not seeing why it was ‘bad,’ you know?”

(continues)

“I think it really destroyed my brain, and I feel incredibly devastated that I was exposed to so much porn. I think that I had sleep paralysis and almost night terrors and nightmares because of it. I think that’s how they started because I would watch abusive BDSM and that’s what I thought was attractive. It got to a point where I couldn’t watch anything else—unless it was violent, I didn’t think it was attractive.”

Like so many of her peers, Eilish’s understanding of sex and her first sexual experiences were heavily influenced by porn. She says that she couldn’t speak up about not wanting to do certain things because she felt pressure to perform.

“I was a virgin, I had never done anything, and so it led to problems where the first few times I had sex,”she explained, “I was not saying no to things that were not good. It’s because I thought that was what I was supposed to be attracted to.”

Before moving on to discussing her dating life, Eilish talked more about the unrealistic and unattainable standards porn influences in our culture.

“I am so angry that porn is so loved and I’m so angry at myself for thinking it was okay. The way that vaginas look in porn is f—ing crazy, no vaginas look like that, women’s bodies don’t look like that, we don’t [orgasm] like that, and we don’t f—ing enjoy things that are what it looks like people are enjoying.”

You can read more and watch the interview here:

fightthenewdrug.org/billie-eilish-watching-porn-at-11-she-shares-impacts-it-had-on-her

OP posts:
PurgatoryOfPotholes · 16/12/2021 00:51

@spotcheck

I'm not on twitter, but I am curious about the backlash.

Can anyone who has twitter post links if there are any?
☺️

This is a reaction from a blue tick and self-styled writer. Never heard of him myself.

Saying porn is “a disgrace” is a slap in the face to sex workers everywhere, and so many things in this article are attempting to demonize sex that is anything but vanilla. She’s so annoying and is always talking without being informed

twitter.com/MediumSizeMeech/status/1470760373422891016?t=7cGoXb05AoPcENYfqJ8w_g&s=19

OP posts:
NoNotMeNoSiree · 16/12/2021 01:54

@Rainallnight

She sounded in that interview as though she was blaming herself for having done so but I want to know where her parents were? What on Earth was happening there?
That's my thought too It's not her fault, she's a child. Where are her parents?! I have two teenagers and when they were 11 there was literally no access to stuff like that as didn't have unfettered access to the Internet, however unpopular that made me! Same now with 15 year old he's not allowed to watch 18 films. Deal with it Smile
HirplesWithHaggis · 16/12/2021 02:29

How do you control what your DC see when they're not at home? Other kids can access on their phones or in their bedrooms, and show your DC.

guinnessguzzler · 16/12/2021 06:21

@PurgatoryOfPotholes That tweet is unbelievable! How can people twist things so much as to (attempt to) give themselves the moral high ground over someone speaking out against something so obviously damaging. Any why these naive people feel the need to fight on behalf of Big Porn I do not know.

Well done to Billie for speaking out with such maturity and consciousness. This is such a hugely important issue and she really is brave for talking about it.

YourenutsmiLord · 16/12/2021 06:31

I saw this on a SM post today. Lots of laughing emojis. I think there are a lot of guys enjoying the fact tha
Well they are as screwed up in the head as she was. Good luck to them forming living relationships with women.

Beamur · 16/12/2021 07:35

The guy tweeting is getting some pushback. I don't think he's someone whose opinion I would rate that highly.

R0tational · 16/12/2021 07:38

Oh, wow. What a brave woman to speak up.

Justsotirednow · 16/12/2021 07:52

Good luck to them forming living relationships with women.

They’ll be fine.
Majority of women don’t care.
A lot of them are watching porn for shits and giggles themselves.

Justsotirednow · 16/12/2021 07:53

But, yes.
Billie did amazing.
Really brave of her.
And it’s so important to have someone so young and popular to say this.

senua · 16/12/2021 08:36

I remember a few years ago, a friend being horrified that her DD was shown porn on someone's smartphone on the school bus!
I know that the first line of defence is parental responsibility but, as we know, not all parents put filters on tech. Do schools also have a responsibility to say (and actually check) that phones are only allowed on site if they can show that they have filters?
Is this feasible? Would you have to check on the first day of every term (because people change phones)? Do random searches? Or some other, more technological, answer (showing my non tech-savviness there!Blush)

Beamur · 16/12/2021 08:49

Schools do not have that authority. They can allow/not allow phones on their property but it's not up to them to dictate how they're set up.

senua · 16/12/2021 08:58

Schools do not have that authority.
But don't they have a duty of care?

not up to them to dictate how they're set up.
I don't like the word 'dictate'. It's not 'controlling' to expect minors to have age-restrictions on their phones.

MoltenLasagne · 16/12/2021 09:08

So glad to see Billie speak up about this, it's a truly brave thing to do.

I don't blame her parents, it was very easy to circumvent Internet filters when I was younger and kids would share tips for how to avoid them.

prudencepuffin · 16/12/2021 09:13

Comments from a psychologist on the Today programme this morning referencing Billie speaking up about this. Basically, watching porn at a young age messes up brain development which is particularly important in early adolescence. For those who describe it as "shit and giggles" - I find it really wierd that you think watching violent exploitative porn is in any way positive for anyone. And I dont care how bloody "vanilla" you think I am.

senua · 16/12/2021 09:36

For those who describe it as "shit and giggles"
I have pm'd you @prudencepuffin.

Justsotirednow · 16/12/2021 11:12

@prudencepuffin

I meant that the one’s watching don’t care.
No informations seems to get through to them.
It seems porn is joke to THEM.

crossparsley · 16/12/2021 13:13

I think she’s amazing. I also think her saying this, as someone very close in age to a lot of her fans, might reach a lot of them. Adolescents can often do with an external ‘anchor’ to let them stick up for themselves, and it’s great that her young fans have this, not just general ‘you are worth it’ stuff or even the ‘take no shit’ stuff that other women in pop and rock provide. This is ‘take no sexual abuse’. She’s great.

Beamur · 16/12/2021 13:28

senua
I see your point, but personally I don't agree with this. It's up to me as a parent to decide what restrictions are on my children's phones. The school can decide if they permit phones in school or not.
I think it is an infringement of personal freedoms.

Ghostsintheshelf · 16/12/2021 13:46

The murderer of Joanna Yeates was also obsessed with violent pornography.

Prosecutors in the case believe Tabak's fixation on hardcore pornography helps to make the case that this was a sex crime. They feel that his research on and suspected use of prostitutes shows that his respectable outward life was a lie.

After his arrest in January, analysts delved deep into four computers Tabak had access to and found disturbing material. Police discovered images and films showing women bound, gagged, degraded and controlled by men. They also found a film in which two women were bundled into a car boot.

purpleboy · 16/12/2021 15:03

apple.news/Ax3o2lyMOTqWLbxNfOXhMZQ

What do you think of this take on it?

ScrollingLeaves · 16/12/2021 17:27

@purpleboy

I am not sure what I think of Make Love Not Porn. Though I see the idea behind it, it is still voyeurism or exhibitionism, depending on whether you view it or upload films of yourself. It would still hijack the brains and physiology of a child as though it were crack-sex rather than sex from gradual experience.

Even if it way better than other, violent porn, it seems troubling to think there is an idea you must watch videos of porn to get sex education. And this sex education in itself will make you sexually addicted without ever experiencing a relationship.

Do people think no one could have sexual relations without seeing on line videos first?

I realise that in the real world people will look for porn, or find it by chance, if they are there.

EarthSight · 17/12/2021 23:11

I'm so, so glad someone thing influential and this young spoke out like this on the topic. Children have access to horrific stuff.

I wish her much healing.

highame · 18/12/2021 07:06

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/porn-apologists-are-running-out-of-excuses-rzxrs3087

If anyone's share tokens work. This is, as usual, a great Janice Turner article

WarriorN · 18/12/2021 07:35

I posted this elsewhere.

All the Women supported it. About 15.

3 men posted "alternative views for balance."

Including an article by a "sex worker" who basically victim blamed Billy.