My partner told me to go be an independent modern woman

[blueberrybabe]

During an argument my partner told me to go be an independent modern woman and get a full time job , put our son in nursery and we should split the bills 50/50. I was shocked by this statement . The argument started off because everytime he comes home from work he literally has his dinner and then he’s gone into the room, watching YouTube , playing x box . I don’t see him till bedtime after I’ve put our son to sleep . Even on the weekends when he’s not working it’s the same . I don’t see him. He doesn’t do any parental role , only thing I can get him to do is watch our son for 10-15 minutes so I can maybe tidy up or go use the bathroom.
I told him how is he expecting me to get a full time job then come home to look after our toddler and cook and clean etc . I would end up over exhausted. I told him if he wants me to contribute to the bills 50/50 then he will need to contribute to the house hold and our son 50/50 too. Take turns on the chores , this whole him coming home from work and doing nothing can’t happen, he will also need to contribute towards nursery, I also mentioned he would need to hire a cleaner then. Overall he didn’t like what I was saying and went quite . I know he’s telling his family that I’m lazy and I don’t want to work but that is not the case . I have always worked before I had my baby, but my circumstances right now don’t allow me to work. I hate how I am being shamed for not being a strong independent modern woman. It’s like I need to prove a point and show that i can do it all but my mental health won’t cope with working full time then having everything at home be my responsibility. What are you opinions ? And for mums who do work full time what is your home life like ? Do you share household responsibility

He sounds a right prat but you're absolutely right you can't do it all! I work full time and my DH and I share all cleaning, childcare, costs 50/50 or it wouldn't work xx

What an absolute c@@@. I’ve left my husband after 24 years of misogynistic bollocks. Fortunately , I kept my career going , killed myself working long hours and caring for DS whilst he did the bare minimum work and went the pub leaving me sat in .
So yes I’ve wasted all that time, but I am successful and well paid and hoping for happier times ahead. My husband ground me down for years , don’t be like me and waste all of those years. By all means. Pick up your career and don’t depend on him , but do it for YOU not him .

@CrispAndFrosty I’ve thought about this . But I just feel like he won’t be in his life at all or be a dead beat if I left . I keep wondering what’s a worst for my son. To have a father he sees everyday who spends very little time with him or to not have a father in his life.
A father he sees every day be enabled to be absolutely useless is far worse. I’d plan to separate and fuck him off.

I’m a SAHM to 2 small children but I also study full-time in person (not online). Husband is WFH. I get up with the children in the mornings, get them ready, take them to nursery, pick them up, make dinner and bathe them. I also do all the housework and all the grocery shopping. It works because even though I’m kind of doing everything, he is always there to help. He picks up the slack when I’m running late, or have forgotten something, or have too much going on at once. We’ve got to a point where we operate really efficiently without even needing to discuss it (though it’s taken a long time and a lot of arguments and nagging to get there!) I don’t think our system is for everyone but we do things the way I want because I like to be in charge of everything.

For sure, your partner needs to appreciate what you are and what you do for your home and your family, and he needs to do a more equal share of the housework and parenting especially if he expects you to work full-time on top of everything else.

He even threatens to not give me any money

I'm only half way through this but I'm seeing red flags. This is financially abusive.