Victim Support tweets that Transwidows are abusers

[BitMuch]

twitter.com/VictimSupport/status/1404352816538435586

'If your partner refuses to use your correct pronouns or deadnames you, this is #abuse and it’s unacceptable.'

This graphic also appears to have been drawn to call Transwidows and their children transphobic for using correct-sex pronouns twitter.com/VictimSupport/status/1442769813428965376.

Victim Support state you should always use demanded pronouns, including non-binary made-up ones, no matter how obviously male or female a person is. twitter.com/VictimSupport/status/1415246776177672193

Victim Support is the charity women who have been domestically abused and raped are referred to by the police. They support and advise women during the police investigation and in court as well as those who haven't reported to the police.

Victim Support have been given 'Star Performer' status by Stonewall and rank highly on the Stonewall Index. www.victimsupport.org.uk/victim-support-named-top-charity-third-year-stonewall-workplace-equality/

If your partner refuses to use your correct pronouns or deadnames you, this is abuse and it’s unacceptable.

I know people often (half)joke about the Twitter accounts of big organisations being run by teenagers, but my first thought reading that is that it's written by someone with no experience of a long-term relationship, or even the empathy to imagine what it would be like to be with someone for 10 years who then announces they are changing their gender and wish to be known by different pronouns.

So you don't have to do anything you are uncomfortable with , but that could make you the abuser

Nice

Can't find the tweet. Seems like it's been deleted. Interesting.

@EarthSight

Can't find the tweet. Seems like it's been deleted. Interesting.

Still there when I click the link.

Tinsel for you and your fellow Transwidows.

Victim Support you are reprehensible.

@terryleather

This is a complete and utter fucking disgrace. I'd say shame on the lot of them, but they have no shame.

This!

Sorry Tinsel and other Transwidows. The tweet is completely missing the point.

This gaslighting would be sickening from any charity or public body. But from Victim Support??? Does someone need to ask them what they think the words ‘victim’ and ‘support’ mean?

This is something Woman's Hour should address. Why not email Emma Barnett Tinsel?

@thinkingaboutLangCleg

This gaslighting would be sickening from any charity or public body. But from Victim Support??? Does someone need to ask them what they think the words ‘victim’ and ‘support’ mean?

Yes, of course women with transitioning partners can be victims too. It's not necessarily gaslighting. Why can't people who are trans but have partners who refuse to accept them, call them names,emotionally abuse them be abusers too? I think that's what they're saying. Which is a fair enough point.

This is vile "victim support" endorses forced speech & therefore coercive control WTF?!!!

Can I identify as a Kardashian?

@Gymohithoughtyousaidgin

Can I identify as a Kardashian?

Eh?

Also on that “Victim Support” twatter thread…..

So official statistics are wrong, and the only victims are trans people?

mobile.twitter.com/VictimSupport/status/1404352816538435586

Fucking hellfire, that’s bad.

If your partner refuses to use your correct pronouns or deadnames you, this is abuse and it’s unacceptable

Being #misgendered or not allowed to dress the way you want to at home can feel like you're not allowed to be your authentic self. Transphobia is never acceptable, regardless of who it is coming from.

My jaw is on the floor. So the message to transwidows, and the parents, siblings and children of transitioners is that their feelings, their trauma, the abuse they may have been subject to are irrelevant, and also any reaction they have other than complete immediate enthusiastic acceptance is harmful.

That’s…nuanced, isn’t it?

Unsurprising level of Stonewall influence there. Yikes.

Are there now any public sector bodies that we, as women, can consider natural and able to help us in an impartial and respectful way? If you find any, please let us know

Why can't people who are trans but have partners who refuse to accept them, call them names,emotionally abuse them be abusers too?

The tweet said explicitly that deadnaming or misgendering are abuse. That is what is offensive. It's not only an absurd idea, but dangerous. A coercive or controlling relationship may include pressure on someone to act or speak certain ways. It may also include deliberate destabilising and criticism of the victim.

Thinking about it, that tweet also suggests that for a child to ‘deadname or misgender’ a trans parent is abuse.

This makes me so upset and so angry. I usually stay away from posting on these boards because I don’t think I can be objective on this.

My closest friend is a trans widow. As it happens she does use her ex’s preferred pronouns and new name, because as far as she is concerned the man she loved and married (for 10 years) is gone.

But she also had a physical reaction (i.e. feeling physically sick) to seeing her ex dressed as a woman in the early days - linked to the sexual coercion, the lies, the broken promises, the rage, the porn, the slow realisation that her marriage was over.

So if she felt unable to use the preferred pronouns (whilst having to switch back to ‘he’ when out of the house of course, because her ex took a long time to go public) she would have automatically been an abuser?

She had to navigate the end of her marriage whilst not being able to tell anyone why (although sod that, I’d have shoved him out the closet). She had to support her children who were grieving for the loss of the father they knew (because her ex’s outward personality changed too, and her ex was more interested in their own transition journey than supporting the children). When her ex came out, Facebook was full of how stunning and brave and beautiful the ex was, while my friend had to keep quiet. She’s had people say she must have loved the gender not the person.

I’d really like Victim Support to take some time to understand the added pain and complexities of being in a relationship with someone who is transitioning.

Victim Support are at number 25 in this years list of Stonewall top employers.

Apparently Victim Support is right at the top of Stonewall's index, so an outlier organisation and disturbing example of how far things can go.

It is hard to see a way back for any organisation once things have reached this pitch. VS have painted themselves into a remote and tight corner by "anticipating the direction" of changes in the law which now seem blessedly unlikely ever to happen. Perhaps a root and branch change of top personnel would be a beginning, but meanwhile, who is helping the victims, including confused, unhappy little children, who are being cast as villains in a startling DARVO attack?

Not on Twitter and wondering how to complain about this (once I have stopped banging my head I the wall). Fucking ridiculous.

@EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn

Thinking about it, that tweet also suggests that for a child to ‘deadname or misgender’ a trans parent is abuse.

They are on dodgy legal ground, if thats the case. The GRA specifically excludes several situations, including parenthood.

''Parenthood
The fact that a person’s gender has become the acquired gender under this Act does not affect the status of the person as the father or mother of a child.''
www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2004/7/section/12

@socialworker222

Not on Twitter and wondering how to complain about this (once I have stopped banging my head I the wall). Fucking ridiculous.

Is the process to complain to the organisation and then, if their processes are exhausted, to escalate it to the Charity Commission?

I'd welcome input from a more knowledgeable person.

It might be possible to complain to the ASA;
''Contact the Advertising Standards Authority to complain about:

• an advertising campaign you think is offensive, deceptive or inaccurate''

www.gov.uk/complain-about-charity

Here's the link;
www.asa.org.uk/make-a-complaint.html

I can't post the link to the archived tweet as MN will hide it

You can complain to Victim Support here:

www.victimsupport.org.uk/more-us/contact-us/complaint-about-victim-support/make-complaint/#gf_6