Losing friends, feeling defeated

[Youdonthavetobegood]

This is a lot of your experiences I guess, but I've been following and reading GC stuff for a few months now and have got more and more angry.

I have a couple of good friends who both work in universities, and like a fool, I mentioned my thoughts on the BBC article to them (basically how depressing it was that lesbians being raped is somehow 'propeganda' against trans, rather than called out as abuse.)

Anyway we've had a falling out. I kind of knew they were TWAW, which I respected, but they are also feminists so their reaction has really shocked me, all for signing a letter against the article because it was 'hateful', and the strong implication was that I was a transphobe. Honestly I'm feeling fairly disillusioned about it all. I need to step away for a bit I think. But my inner feminist its just so furious about it, that I can't.

Not much point to this post other than - can I be friends with you? Am I the only one in their 30s who thinks this? am i out of step? why isn't there a middle ground? fucks sake!

You can certainly be friends with me!

Is there a ReSisters group in your city or town? I've made some great gender critical friends through mine.

What us Resisters? Sounds like it might be for me! You can be my friend too. TWATW.

I dont think there can be a middle ground. On the one hand you have a few very noisy batshit mentalists who buy into the gender woo woo bollocks, and then you have everyone else. I do wonder if the Staniland question was put to everyone what the percentages would be? 90%

Ah, found them. My local one has had their twitter feed suspended

Join the club. It's just aswell we've been forced into the bunker since 2020 because it coincided with the time my friends started shoehorning how much terfs aren't real feminists into every conversation.

It's horrible. The damage this is doing.

Had to post to say I’m in my 30s and I agree with you. It can be really lonely sometimes. I have to take time away from it as well.

I despair when hearing things like this but also personally thankful for my own situation. I have a family member who is ardently TWAW and TMAM. I strongly disagree. We are on completely different sides of the coin, as we were and are with Brexit, but remain nothing but loving and respectful to each other despite us knowing we have completely opposite views. I also have a friend who agrees with me on the trans debate but opposes me on Brexit but it (AFAIK) hasn’t affected our friendship. I’m glad I’m not friends with, or haven’t yet ran into anybody in real life with a NO DEBATE viewpoint.

I am in my 30s also.

Thanks, I'll look up resisters, they sound up my street.

I think what I find hard is feeling very sure of my views when I'm on my own, but then face with other people (like my friends) who act like I've just thrown the N word into conversation, then I start to doubt my own non-hatefulness. If that makes sense. I've never had anything but right-on Guardianesque views on stuff, so it feels strange to suddenly start agreeing with Tory MPs. Which convinces me that I must be wrong about my opinion! And round it goes!

I’m in my 60s, and a radfem since the 1970s. My DD, aged 32, is an ardent GC campaigner, has addressed street meetings, runs a GC FB group, and has many GC friends. So not all the young are captured by the anti science woo brigade! Take heart, OP.
If you need a boost, just read the comments under any Times article about trans issues- they are usually almost 100% GC.

Just in my 30s and I think this too! People are frightened of not looking 'nice' and 'kind'.

Hi OP, many here thinks the way you do.

Do your friends have children? The way they teach this in schools seem to make children confused, conform more to sex stereotypes and even come out with homophobic comments.

I have yet to come across a parent are not is upset about a recent school session.

Your friends may come around.

Do you think you might be reading biased sources, hence your 'anger'? If your friends are distancing from you, they're not doing so without good reason. Time for some reflection.

People are frightened of not looking 'nice' and 'kind'.

So frightened they're prepared to be extremely unpleasant.

@CorrBlimeyGG

Do you think you might be reading biased sources, hence your 'anger'? If your friends are distancing from you, they're not doing so without good reason. Time for some reflection.

Biased how do you think?

Corr, do you think it is wrong to be upset that young women are raped and pressured into sex?

Should this be hushed up?

@CorrBlimeyGG

Do you think you might be reading biased sources, hence your 'anger'? If your friends are distancing from you, they're not doing so without good reason. Time for some reflection.

I've tried to read critically across the board, as I'm not immune to my own biases, and I know that I can't reasonably know what it's like to be trans in the UK (they aren't trans either but they move in more.... university circles than I do).

But now it feels like they are actively anti-woman. Which is hard to take.

I have joined resistors on FB and its good.

I will be your friend as I feel very alone at the moment. However times ARE changing and light I shinning and we will get through this 🙏

That’s a hard situation OP. Perhaps in years to come your friends will be more understanding of your perspective and appreciate your feminist standpoint. I refused to lose friends over Brexit and so far I haven’t actually fallen out with people I care about (apart from my university aged children who think I’m a dinosaur.)

This Board and the wise words here have changed me. I can’t go back and like you, I can’t pretend I’m not angry. I’m furious!

Not much advice here but perhaps ask them questions rather than volunteer your knowledge? I’m sure you are more tactful than this middle aged stegosaurus….

I’m happy to be your friend though!

Do you think you might be reading biased sources, hence your 'anger'? If your friends are distancing from you, they're not doing so without good reason. Time for some reflection.

There is an immediate belief that anyone that might disagree that transitioned males are women don’t read widely and with a balanced view.

It doesn’t take long though for someone to come along and tell people to ‘educate yourself’ on a support thread with a complete lack of empathy.

Many, many of us ‘educated ourselves’, hence why we don’t believe that gender should prioritise sex in most instances.

OP, please keep reading widely. And women here are very open to discuss everything.

There is a clash between trans interests and the interests of women and girls. Unless we discuss it, we cannot solve it.

I have found that people sometimes tries to cover up assaults on females in the order to not make trans people look bad in any way.

Please read about what happened to the poor girl in Laundoun.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4360759-More-than-one-woman-a-week-prosecuted-for-rape?pg=20

My summary is on the last page. A 14/15 year old girl was raped (sodomised) in the girls toilets by a boy in a skirt. The school board and management tried to cover it up, ignored all sexual assaults in the school, tried to get the girl’s dad arrested, lied about it and the girl is now slut shamed.

The boy is convicted of the rape - and an additional sexual assault on a second girl.

But they did manage to implement more trans friendly policies in the school in order for boys identifying as girls to easier access the girls’ toilets…. I guess this was more important than the girls?

JK Rowling's line about 'doing what is right' compared to 'doing what is easy' is relevant here. It's also worth noting that almost every woman here started from not seeing the problem and happily nodding along and believing the surface level information.

Once you've seen the problems beneath it, you can't unsee them. More and more people are realising this.

It's also worth noting; it isn't people with questions and concerns about this political agenda rushing about silencing and defriending and playing purity politics, or shouting sinner repent (or shaking tambourines in people's faces) while demanding the sinner reflect.

Step away from the drama. All you need to do is read widely, reach your own conclusions and have the courage to stand by them and stand up for what is right - that all needs get met, all diversity matters equally, and solutions must be found that work for everyone and are based on tolerance of other beliefs and needs. Instead of winners, losers and a desperate plan of 'don't talk about the problems ever'.

You're in good company OP. The one good thing about this awful mess for women is that some absolute heroes have arisen in the form of ordinary women.

OP

You will find plenty of people in the same situation here. And plenty of conversation to be had.

Thirty something gender critical here, you are far from alone! I've shared my views with my closest friends (who agree), there are some old acquaintances who would no doubt presume I'm some sort of bigot, I doubt they would debate respectfully and in good faith with me so I simply don't raise it. I think for some people who are very bought into the ideology it is painful to expose all the internal contradictions and the underlying misogyny. All the people i know who think TWAW are well meaning people, they just can't bring themselves to see the problems.

You are absolutely not alone.

As I said to another poster today, GC people in our generation are very reticent to say what they think, because of high risks for people in our generation (precarious employment/risk of social ostracism) which is a vicious circle.