How publicly GC should I be?

[Esskar]

I have recently moved to a new city and I’m making new friends. I’m a lesbian so I have joined a couple of LGBT groups which have another focus, something like lesbian choir but it’s not a choir. There is a very recently out transwoman in one of my groups. We got along reasonably well at not-choir when we were busy with the activity, so we ended up killing a couple of hours together in an industrial park while we were waiting for everyone else to finish at a one-off event. Since the event, this person has now decided to peruse a friendship with me which I’m not especially interested in. A lot of the conversations we had while waiting together were about transitioning and being trans, which I found boring. When I tried to change the subject, I was totally unsuccessful.
In the weeks since then, they’ve sent me loads of WhatsApp messages asking for my opinion on things and to meet up again. I’ve already made it clear I’m not dating because I had a recent bereavement, so it’s only a friendship attempt I’m trying to squash. But I’ve been invasive, noncommittal and extremely sarcastic with no success. I still get very frequent WhatsApp messages and requests to meet up after several weeks of gently backing away.
I feel like I have also been pushed into the role of being the “feminine friend”, so I’ve had questions about fashion and makeup coming my way even though I’m extremely disinterested in that kind of thing. We did spend some time looking around a big ASDA including at the clothing and makeup when we were waiting, so it might have started as a genuine belief that this was something I’d be interested in. But I’ve made it clear since then that I’m not interested and they reply with things like “but you’re so good at it, couldn’t you just take a look.” And we also looked around pets at home and I haven’t had any questions about reptiles or aquariums which I actually know something about.
I am considering just being very direct about my GC views because I’m sure that would be the end of it, but it would also get me kicked out of not-choir I expect. So I’m wondering if I should just accept that is a consequence, or find another way to put off the friendship attempts.

This is the last circumstance in which I would be direct tbh. If your acquaintance feels rejected they may lash out and try to damage you using the knowledge. Don’t give them any ammunition.

Being GC doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with trans people. If you don’t want to spend time (in a non sexual way) with them due to personality/not clicking then fair enough, but not liking someone just because they are trans (again not a sexual way), well to me that is transphobic.

If on the other hand this new “friend” is pushing for a sexual relationship and as a lesbian of course this does not interest you, then I would consider it fair to speak up about it.

No it’s not my first post, I just change names quite frequently. I’ve been here for ages. I remember the dc who pooed on the puffe thread and the penguin pool date thread and Pom bears.

GC & politics has not much to do with this question. it is just about a friendship that you don't want to pursue.

so just like any other unwanted friendship, you could ghost them or you could make it clear that you aren't interested in keeping in touch. no need to do more than that.

You don't have to be close friends with someone you aren't that into. Just do the usual distancing, you are just a bit busy etc.

this person has now decided to peruse a friendship with me which I’m not especially interested in

There you go, then.

I don't see what your political views or the person's gender identity have to do with it, really. If you don't want to be friends with someone, you are not obliged to be.

The reason I don’t want to be friends is because I find their company quite boring. I’m not interested in conversations about makeup, fashion or being trans. I also find it a bit desperate and off putting that they’re still trying so hard when I’m giving all of the signals to say I’m not interested. Is that transphobic? I avoid all needy people I find poring, no matter their identity.

I wouldn’t say you’re GC as that in the circumstance could be rude. But I’d distance myself and not be available

It sounds like you are uncomfortable with this person because they are not recognising or respecting your boundaries. Nothing to do with them being trans or your thoughts about gender. You need to deal with it in the same way as you would any other person who was bothering you! Find a way to say no - clearly, firmly, but respectfully.

I don't think being GC or not is relevant, in this case. What is relevant is that the person is ignoring your signals and being pushy about meeting up and generally over-bearing.

Nope, in that case, not transphobic but as poster says above it also has little to do with being GC.

Just do as you would in that situation with anybody “no matter their identity”. For me that would probably mean just a polite decline then ignoring any further communication.

I’ve been distancing, avoiding, ignoring etc for weeks and they still message me most days suggesting meeting up or asking what I think about a specific item of clothing etc. I feel like making gc comments would be a nuclear solution to this situation but it also feels dishonest to allow them to keep trying to be friends when I’m sure they wouldn’t want to if they knew much about me.

Why on earth are you responding? I have a reputation for being crap at social media, carefully cultivated, so I can shrug people off easily. Just don't reply if you're not interested; if asked about it later. I was going to reply but I'm actually really busy. Or more bluntly I just couldn't be bothered not keen on whatsapp if you need to soften the blow.

I think gender ideology is tangential to this situation, at best.

Have you said the words 'I'm sorry but I'm really not interested in clothes or beauty stuff. Please can we talk about something else?' That would be first stage nuclear, for me. GC is like stage 5 or something on my scale of social destruction (unless its at FILIA, in which case its like Oh Hai )...

Are you quite young OP? There is no onus on anyone to read, not to mind reply to, WhatsApp messages. You can mute/ignore. The reason I ask if you are young is I’ve noticed younger people are more likely to feel obliged to acknowledge and reply instantly to electronic comms. Just ignore the messages if the person has not taken the hint. They’ll soon tire of it. If they mention their unanswered messages in person just say you dont have time. You don’t need to discuss politics and/or your GC views, and I agree with the previous posters that it’s not relevant. This person sounds highly irritating and isn’t respecting your boundaries, you owe them nothing.

Yes, don't reply to 90% of messages. If you feel you have to reply, tell them how busy you are with work/decorating/your new hobby of learning Serbo-Croat. They will give up in the end.

@JoanOgden

Yes, don't reply to 90% of messages. If you feel you have to reply, tell them how busy you are with work/decorating/your new hobby of learning Serbo-Croat. They will give up in the end.

I can swear in Croation.

I had a similar issue once and told the person I found the constant hair, make up and nails chat “triggering but I don’t feel comfortable talking about it” and they ran away.

The reason I don’t want to be friends is because I find their company quite boring. I’m not interested in conversations about makeup, fashion or being trans

Surely this would be the same if all they talked about was bowling and you weren't interested?

Just don't respond to the messages and don't agree to do things you don't feel comfortable with.

You don't owe anyone friendship, and if they continue being pushy, I'd just tell them outright - not that you're GC, just that you're not interested in a friendship outside the group setting.

Mute. Simple as that

Don’t need to say anything bout your views just mute

You have nothing in common and they are hopeless at picking up your unfriendly signals. Be even less friendly, stop answering the messages or answer very briefly and less often and give the brush off. Don't bring world view into it because I think it's not relevant. This is more of a social dilemma.

You're just not into developing a friendship with this person. You don't have to oblige. Thanks, but no thanks. It'll peter out sooner than you think. Being slow to respond is a helpful technique.
Your GC views do not appear to be the reason why this person is of no interest to you, so don't go there. Being GC doesn't mean you cannot have friendships with trans people or care about trans family members.