How publicly GC should I be?

[Esskar]

I have recently moved to a new city and I’m making new friends. I’m a lesbian so I have joined a couple of LGBT groups which have another focus, something like lesbian choir but it’s not a choir. There is a very recently out transwoman in one of my groups. We got along reasonably well at not-choir when we were busy with the activity, so we ended up killing a couple of hours together in an industrial park while we were waiting for everyone else to finish at a one-off event. Since the event, this person has now decided to peruse a friendship with me which I’m not especially interested in. A lot of the conversations we had while waiting together were about transitioning and being trans, which I found boring. When I tried to change the subject, I was totally unsuccessful.
In the weeks since then, they’ve sent me loads of WhatsApp messages asking for my opinion on things and to meet up again. I’ve already made it clear I’m not dating because I had a recent bereavement, so it’s only a friendship attempt I’m trying to squash. But I’ve been invasive, noncommittal and extremely sarcastic with no success. I still get very frequent WhatsApp messages and requests to meet up after several weeks of gently backing away.
I feel like I have also been pushed into the role of being the “feminine friend”, so I’ve had questions about fashion and makeup coming my way even though I’m extremely disinterested in that kind of thing. We did spend some time looking around a big ASDA including at the clothing and makeup when we were waiting, so it might have started as a genuine belief that this was something I’d be interested in. But I’ve made it clear since then that I’m not interested and they reply with things like “but you’re so good at it, couldn’t you just take a look.” And we also looked around pets at home and I haven’t had any questions about reptiles or aquariums which I actually know something about.
I am considering just being very direct about my GC views because I’m sure that would be the end of it, but it would also get me kicked out of not-choir I expect. So I’m wondering if I should just accept that is a consequence, or find another way to put off the friendship attempts.

Why give them a reason to think that you don't want to be friends because they are Trans rather than the truth; which is you find their interests boring as hell and are annoyed by their incessant hounding of you (who messages a new acquaintance nearly every day FFS?).

Being GC isn't a barrier to being friends with Trans people unless either party chooses it to be.

I'm GC and have trans people in my social orbit. Some believe sex matters, others don't.

I'm happy to respect other peoples views as long as they reciprocate wrt mine even when we disagree (same came be said of politics, religion etc).

Using your GC views as a "nuclear" option doesn't serve any purpose here other that to give someone the perception that their gender identity is the sole reason you don't want to spend time with them - which would be transphobic if true and simply gives grist to the mill that anyone with GC views is bigoted, rather than a person with a valid opinion.

If you are genuinely GC then this isn't a road you should want to go down.

Just deal with the situation as you would if you removed the trans/GC element from the equation.

Keep distancing yourself and if necessary mute/block this person on SM/messaging. Better still be blunt and simply say that you're not interested in a friendship because it's become clear you have very different interests.

Just say no.

This person asks to meet, you answer NO.

Do exactly the same as you would with any other male bothering you, don't be polite just block and ignore.

Just message- I don’t think we have anything in common. Please stop contacting me.
Then mute. Don’t waste any more time on this person.

What @Debroglie said. You have nothing in common with this person, tell them this politely then block them. You owe them nothing.

This person is not your responsibility and you're not obligated to talk to them. Clearly you're not transphobic and it's social conditioning to even consider that. PP advice: "say that you're not interested in a friendship because it's become clear you have very different interests", mute, block and don't give it another thought.

Just mute them on social media. You don’t owe them your attention.

OP are you worried that if you make it clear to this person that you don’t want to be friends with them, that they will say it’s because you’re transphobic and you worry that you will be pushed out of the LGBT social groups you’ve joined?

@Esskar

The reason I don’t want to be friends is because I find their company quite boring. I’m not interested in conversations about makeup, fashion or being trans. I also find it a bit desperate and off putting that they’re still trying so hard when I’m giving all of the signals to say I’m not interested. Is that transphobic? I avoid all needy people I find poring, no matter their identity.

It’s not transphobic to not want to be friends with someone. You either click with someone or you don’t. I would just bat them off at every suggestion and they’ll get the message. It’s up to you who you want to be friends with.

OP are you worried that if you make it clear to this person that you don’t want to be friends with them, that they will say it’s because you’re transphobic and you worry that you will be pushed out of the LGBT social groups you’ve joined?

Yes that's what I got, not sure why people think her GC views aren't relevant either to the situation or how she feels about this particular male. But I do agree it's possible to ignore or give a brush off without getting into that.

If you’re worried, you could carefully try to distance yourself and be an acquaintance rather than a friend. I know you’ve tried to do this with little success but I’d personally go with this tack and keep on with it. The message will eventually get through eg if you’re asked to go shopping on Saturday, reply “Sorry - I’m out with my friends” (with the subtle implication this person is not a close friend to you). If another day is suggested by them, then say you’re very busy, you enjoyed speaking with them before but you have a busy life so can’t really meet up, however you look forward to seeing them at ‘not-choir’.

I know it’s tedious when people try to push friendships that you have no interest in, but whether they’re trans or not, I think a polite but distancing way is best. That’s not in case you’re accused of ‘transphobia’ but just because I don’t think you need to be cruel to dissuade an unwanted friend.

@Theeyeballsinthesky

OP are you worried that if you make it clear to this person that you don’t want to be friends with them, that they will say it’s because you’re transphobic and you worry that you will be pushed out of the LGBT social groups you’ve joined?

This. If the person doesn't take it well and a person who is that persistent may not take it well, you could all too easily be accused of transphobia.

If this person thinks that being a woman is all about long girly chats about clothes and makeup, being told that you don't want to do that with them could easily lead to it being seen as not accepting them as a woman.

Time for the Mumsnet mantra: "No." is a complete sentence. Don't justify any rejection.

Also don't answer a few messages positively, because that will give them hope you might respond positively more often. Either ignore or outright reject.

This really is nothing to do with trans and everything to do with simply not having anything in common with the other person.