My dcs step sibling - unsure how to deal with this

[carlydooly]

Before I start, I want to make it clear that I have very little personal experience of trans issues so please forgive my ignorance. I really don't mean to offend in anything I say here.

My teen dcs returned from their fathers this weekend to inform me that their 5 year old step sibling now wishes to be known by different pronouns and that they've been asked to use them as has the school. They are clearly confused by this, said they found it a little ridiculous and they weren't doing it unless they had to. They were looking to me for a reaction. I was very neutral and said that in my view the 5 year old is simply a 5 year old and lots of things can and will change. I didn't pass any judgment.

The child in question has so far favoured clothing and toys which wouldn't necessarily conform to traditional gender stereotypes, but so have my two at different stages and nobody has ever given much of a toss nor ever suggested that pronouns should change because of it.

I want to get this right, but tbh I'm also wondering wtf xh and his wife are doing taking this quite so far at this stage with a 5 year old. I'm pretty sure my youngest identified as a dinosaur at around that age.

How the hell am I best handling this when my dcs are looking to me for guidance?

Thank you all so much. The name isn't changing, as far as I know. It's a fairly gender neutral name already so there wouldn't be a particular need. We have already talked about using the name and avoiding pronouns so I think they will be fine with this approach.

I'm really proud of how kind they are being. A recent picture showed one of them hand in hand with their sibling while out and about and while they were very much dressed in gender specific clothing which wouldn't be associated with their assigned sex.

I think they are particularly worried about how xx will be impacted once they leave a sheltered rural primary. They know they won't be there to help at secondary either given the size of the age gap.

I really don't understand any parent pushing an agenda which is guaranteed to cause their dc so many issues in later life but it's also not my business beyond supporting my two. I'll definitely read the suggested links as it's totally exposed how little I know.

Thank you again