Upset, lost and feeling hopeless - work training

[Dinosaurhearmeroar]

Hi everyone - first time poster but long time lurker. Reading your posts makes me feel less alone 💕.

I am a teacher in an all girls’ secondary school and this term have seen a huge rise in girls now wanting to be known as a different name (usually Ash - why always ash?!) and pronouns ‘he’ or ‘they’. I am an open minded person and I am finding this very uncomfortable - we are getting 12 year olds requesting name changes and we simply go along with it due to it being a protected characteristic. We do not inform the parents which again I think goes against safeguarding policy. I seem to be the only teacher who thinks this.

Today we had diversity training which I wasn’t looking forward to and I was right - lots of unsubstantiated facts about trans and mental health (no idea where they’re from or what the sample numbers were etc) and the trainer telling us that sex is between the legs (at least she got that right!) and gender is in our heads and everyone has one. Cut to me bristling. She then confused gender reassignment and gender identity when talking about the equalities act which was flat out wrong. The second trainer said that “sex was assigned at birth” and I tuned out from then. We were asked to make our curriculums more diverse - the langs department is going to allow different pronouns despite it being grammatically incorrect. The trainers also recommended stonewall’s guide to teaching lgbt in schools which showed me they were not on top of the current debate at all.

I spoke to both trainers at the end mentioned that they had a responsibility to show all the debate and that gender was a belief - I said I didn’t necessarily have one (rad fem thinking here) and the trainer balked at this, like I was an alien from outer space.

Ultimately I found the whole thing deeply upsetting and ended up crying to myself at the end, rather pathetically. Throughout the whole presentation there was not one mention of women’s rights in this diversity training. Not a one.

At least I said something but I seem to be the only one affected - another colleague thinks I’m a TERF and others simply don’t care and think it’s great and kind etc…

Just feeling sad 😔

Feeling sad with you. Girls’ schools should be a space where girls can be whoever they like with none of the male gaze, ‘bantz’ and harassment that is rife in co-Ed’s. They should celebrate female success. Local to me there is one that has erased all trace of the word ‘girls’. It depresses me beyond words that these schools are colluding with a narrowing of what a girl can be/like/wear. The DfE and Ofsted have sleepwalked their way into this, with the Chartered College going further and actively engaging against dissenting voices.

I just hope the new SOS and ministerial team stem the tide ASAP.

And for actually saying something. Many people feel they just can’t.

well done OP
but I would bet large sums of money that some of your colleagues feel the same way- why would they be at a girls school otherwise? I recently spoke to someone whose wifw was in exactly your position and didn't dare say anything because she thought she was the only one.
You need a subtle way of finding your allies, then you can dismantle it all from the inside.
Nil carborundum...

wife, that should be!

I've been moved to tears or shakes at work a couple of times recently. Others suggesting everyone should display pronouns and being told I am in a privileged position for being "cis" - a word that I hate and have an actual reaction to, being used repeatedly to define me.

I have said next to nothing as there is a very firm tone used around these issues and I feel so out of step with those who seem to fall into line with ease.

It is a breech of safeguarding to not tell parents. You should contact safe schools alliance for help. If because of school affirming that they are boys, these girls then think it’s safe to use men’s toilets when they are in the community, exactly what do you think is likely to happen to them? And their parents find out you knew and kept this from them….

Contact ssa and they can help/advise on reporting anonymously. Safeguarding needs thought of from what’s the worst that could happen and how to prevent that. Think of the consequences to those girls and to yourself, both your career and sanity, if you help school leave these girls at risk.

Are you aware of any parents raising concerns about this? As a poster above said please contact Safe Schools Alliance, this is alarming to me as a parent... teachers colluding. Social transition is not harmless.

Well done for speaking up Dinosaurhearmeroar.

This advice note from Safe Schools Alliance UK might help you take your concerns further.

safeschoolsallianceuk.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/22Aug_Advice-note-schools-socially-transitioning.pdf

As has been suggested Dinosaurhearmeroar - SSA for support. But also, staff are protected under whistleblowing legislation. In addition to the safeguarding risks you identify of keeping secrets from parents (who have the legal responsibility to protect their children) schools don't have the legal authority to do this.
I'd bet good money that your trainers have no qualifications in safeguarding, educations, pastoral care, child psychology etc. Whistleblow them (confidentially to protect yourself) out of the water

They don’t know because we don’t tell them! I have about six girls who want to be known as a different name and parents are known the wiser. I didn’t know about the safe schools alliance - brilliant advice, thank you everyone and for your words of support. ❤️

My understanding was that gender reassignment is a protected characteristic but not gender identity- but someone who knows more than me might be able to be able to clarify. Sex is a protected characteristic on the other hand isn't it?

I'd agree with others that there will be some colleagues who share your view and are too afraid to speak out.

Nobody knows I feel the way I do about this issue at work. I don't know how we are all meant to find each other as I'd never be the first to 'own up'. Well done you for speaking out.

OP, take a look here too:

www.transgendertrend.com/schools-resources/

Schools definitely should not be socially transitioning students without parental consent. And even then, need to be careful.

Keep coming back here for support and let us know how you get on.

Well done for voicing your disagreement Dinosaurhearmeroar, that cannot have been easy to do in the current climate. I just wanted to point out that this:

we are getting 12 year olds requesting name changes and we simply go along with it due to it being a protected characteristic.

is a complete misunderstanding of the protected characteristic of gender reassignment and how it works.

It most definitely does not mean socially transitioning these girls without their parents knowledge or consent, as that may be a violation of these children's rights under the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child as well as a breach of safeguarding rules and a big fucking no for child protection.

For starters, and to protect yourself, if any of these girls disclose to you that they want to socially transition in the future, do not promise to keep that a secret to the girl in question, then log it as a safeguarding concern (highlighting the very high co-morbidity of mental health issues and trauma in children diagnosed with gender dysphoria and the fact that trans rights organisations claim unequivocally that children who are not supported by their parents have worse outcomes than those who do), then pass this on to your safeguarding lead at school. No matter who that is.

If the safeguarding lead decides not to act on your concerns, that is their decision, not yours.

As for how the protected characteristic of gender reassignment works, it means that if a girl comes to you saying she identifies as a boy, there's two things you must not do:

You must not exclude her from any activities that you put on for girls because she no longer identifies as a girl. (That's because you cannot treat a female pupil differently to all other female pupil because they no longer identify as girls. That would be discrimination on the basis of sex.)

You must not force her to take part in any activities that you put on for girls, because she no longer identifies as one. (That's because you must make reasonable adjustments for someone who identifies as trans if they request it. To do otherwise would be discrimination on the basis of gender reassignment.)

In a mixed-sex school this would also apply to single-sex facilities. (So you should not exclude such a girl from facilities provided for her own sex and you should not force her to use the facilities provided for her own sex. Instead the EHRC recommends the provision of an alternative facility, but only if the girl does not wish to use the facilities provided for her own sex.)

I'm not sure how your school handles facilities, since the whole school is just for girls, but if you provide a different one for girls who identify as trans, you should not tell them they have to use it.

Otherwise I would also recommend reading those resources mentioned by PP.

I feel for you OP. What an awful situation.

A private girls school local to me is apparently going for its Silver Stonewall badge. I am amazed they are doing it. I know their parent base, they are no - nonsense, socially conservative professionals who will not feel happy about the school letting in transgirls. Because surely letting in transgirls is the logical conclusion? If Stonewall accredits them and yet allows them to admit girls and transmen, isn't that an admission of sex being meaningful by Stonewall?

*none the wiser!

This is brilliant . Thank you. This site is an actual oasis. I will keep you all posted - got some reading up to do.

yes, there's a lot of misinformation about the protected characteristics
my understanding is that it's gender reassignment that is the protected characteristic, however only adults can either have, propose to have or be in the process of getting a gender reassignment certificate therefore this is not a protected characteristic a child can have. As far as I know, the intention of making this a protected characteristic was to prevent the - assumed to be tiny numbers of- people who had a GRC from being 'outed' or discriminated against.
But in any case, does not apply to kids. Whereas sex, of course, does.

Even if kids could be classed as proposing to transition under the pc of gra that doesn’t mean safeguarding goes out the window. Do we not owe kids who have other pc good safeguarding practices? Would anyone at your school consider keeping send info secret from parents? The idea a pc can let schools ignore safeguarding is a red herring.

@Dinosaurhearmeroar and well done for what you said to the trainers. Sad is appropriate, but at some point the anger at the gaslighting of our young people may kick in. But you are sane and holding on to that.

This is not correct StillWeRise.

Gender Recognition Certificates and the protected characteristic of gender reassignment are two separate legal concepts, arising from two separate laws.

Gender Recognition Certificates were created when UK Parliament created the Gender Recognition Act 2004 and the protected characteristic of gender reassignment, which was originally created through an amendment to the Sex Discrimination Act 1975 called The Sex Discrimination (Gender Reassignment) Regulations 1999 was incorporated into the Equality Act 2010 solely to protect people who planned to transition, were transitioning or had transitioned, regardless of whether they had or intended to apply for a Gender Recognition Certificate. (Which in any case hadn't existed in 1999.)

Anyone can be protected under the characteristic of gender reassignment, including children, as long as they identify as trans and plan to transition, are transitioning or have transitioned. Said transition can be as simple as adopting a new name and pronouns.

That's why the Technical Guidance for Schools from the EHRC, which is a statutory regulation, includes the protected characteristic of gender reassignment as applying in schools.

However, as no child under 18 can legally change sex via a Gender Recognition Certificate, the way schools have to handle a pupil who identifies as trans is much more straightforward - their legal and biological sex remain the same, making decisions about access to single-sex provisions much less complicated.

I find the safest and most effective way to challenge this kind of thing in work/similar environments is to keep very quiet about gender critical beliefs/feminism etc as people have been trained to read "bigot" (Stonewall’s official definition of transphobia actually includes having GC thoughts).

Instead, I tend to wait for someone to say something that relies on gender stereotypes (you don't usually have to wait long!) and then ask them how that's not sexist, given that women have had to fight for years not to have x stereotype associated with being a woman.

I find that sticking to challenging actual sexism in what people are saying and steering clear of wider ideological arguments and specific labels is the most effective method, as it shifts the focus squarely onto the other person's words and how old-fashioned and damaging they are to women and girls. It's far harder for them to argue that it's fine in the context of trans rights when you're picking up on specific details and there's no denying that the individual examples often are sexist.

Be prepared for some awkward silences - people who think they're inclusive hate to be called out as sexist, and it can really get them in a bit of a muddle when they try to explain how it's fine, as they're not sure themselves - sometimes you'll get dismissed as a bigot (standard groupthink response) but other times (especially in 1:1 situations) you can watch it slowly dawn on them that what they said might actually be sexist after all. Awkward but necessary.

This is very useful, thank you. Would you be able to give me an example of how to out into practice? Do you mean if someone says something like, “women love pink etc etc” you then call it out? Forgive me for being dense - end of a very long half term!

I guess an example would be a trainer saying something like "if a female pupil expresses a preference for male-gendered hairstyles..." or "if a male-born pupil expresses gender fluidity by wearing trousers but also jewellery", etc etc, begging the question of what a male hairstyle is or why a boy can't just wear what he wants. You'd be surprised how often this stuff comes up once you get into how to support someone who doesn't know if they might be trans.

I often hear people describe these purportedly "gendered" activities that apparently indicate someone's inner gender identity as "stereotypically male/female", as if acknowledging that they're relying on stereotypes means that it's reasonable to interpret them as more meaningful than mere stereotypes. It obscures the language as using "stereotypical" in this way suggests that it's ok to rely on stereotypes when talking about gender, like it's a given that stereotypes exist for the purpose of people discovering their true inner gender, instead of the now "old-fashioned" view that stereotypes are unhelpful and children shouldn't be pressured into conforming with them.

And then there's the whole 'cis' discussion, when a trainer tries to explain that all you people in the room are 'cis' as your gender identity aligns with the sex you were 'assigned' at birth (curiously, all the people being trained are typically declared 'cis' by the trainer without even checking). So if you're not trans, you're clearly perfectly happy with the gender stereotypes associated with your sex. That's a useful one to probe, although be prepared for the trainer to helpfully tell you that if you don't identify with any gender, you're actually "agender" according to stonewall and so you might want to look into that after the session (the trainer will start to want to go home at this point and you'll notice colleagues exchanging glances..).

I think especially in the context of a girls' school, the question I'd be asking is: given the school works so tirelessly to dismantle and challenge gender stereotyping on a daily basis and to instil in girls the confidence to know that they can be and do anything they set out to do, how can a person discover and/or assert their gender identity without resorting to those same gender stereotypes that we all agree limit girls and women's potential?

This sounds distressing OP, I'm sorry you're up against this at work but well done for saying something. You've had some good advice from Longines.

usually Ash - why always ash?!)

I wonder this all the time. It's always Ash! I don't even think of it as particularly gender neutral, it's quite female. There is an otherwise wonderful Emily Gravett picture book called Too Much Stuff featuring magpies called Meg and Ash. I'm convinced it's some sort of woke signalling on the author's part. It seems a very loaded name.