Creeping feeling I don't belong in this new world

[MothsAreSadButterflies]

It's been hard lockdown no doubt that's added to depression but mind keeps returning to this new world

I've tried to understand it. The ones who fully transition I have less fear of. Their commitment jeans they just fully believe they are opposite sex.

But my mind simply cannot understand trans people who say they opposite sex but are obviously not. It's lying. It feels like gaslighting. Like I am losing my mind. It feels abusive and menacing. Bewildering. Faced with young people especially who demand you to go against your eyes, your senses, your ability to perceive sex. And if you don't you are hateful, sackable, evil.

Cancelled.

In this new world I have no place

@MothsAreSadButterflies

Thank you for your tips and solidarity. Finding a group would be helpful to make real life feel real again. Genuinely terrified of voicing thoughts to colleagues. Trying to combat despair. This feeling of being out of step with my own peers. Like am I evil.

DD chose trans partner, large male wears skirt occasionally and pretty jewellery but that is minimum effort. DD and I long journey on this. Sort of truce between us. Knows I think 'she' is young man with mental disorder who is expecting everyone to indulge fantasy of womanhood. Think DD kind of agrees but also thinks be kind what's the harm etc. Trans partner seems like ok person with trauma issues. Just not a woman so why not accept that and move on with life. Feel like sorting trauma and being authentic would be healthier than this. I am kind not mean to them though. I have tried many times to get on board with it all...understand. Do use right pronoun except occasionally slip as 'she' is towered over me speaking in deep voice with massive hands feet...knowing DD had a pregnancy scare from this lesbian partner. Hard for brain to grasp that...DD reckless like a child despite my best efforts. Failed her somehow.

You haven't failed her, @MothsAreSadButterflies. Our children are their own people, shaped by many things besides us - their genes, their friends, society, chance. All you can do is stand firm and provide a bedrock of good sense and sanity and wait for her to come to her senses.

Prioritise yourself. Always. And don’t apologise for it. Children, including adult ones, learn behaviour by us modelling behaviour. Start treating yourself how you would want your daughter to treat herself.

These are some of the wisest words ever written on MN. I know a lot of mothers who need to learn this.