What would you do if your 13 year old daughter was diagnosed with gonnorrhea?

[Appalonia]

Just wondered how mothers on here would feel about this...?

They did. They were wrong.

@Appalonia I'm so very sorry. You were failed by all of the adults who should have protected you. That is so wrong, and you deserved so much better.

I wish I could bundle you up in a big hug. You and that little girl, who was so hurt. I can't, so I'm sending you a virtual one, a hug with shushing and patting and swaying, with hope that the pain in your heart eases.

You were entitled to protection, and your parents failed to protect you. I am so sorry.

Would you be open to seeking out support from a rape crisis service now? Obviously, on the feminism board, we stand with you now, but I feel you deserve something better and more tangible than some tiny people inside your phone talking at you.

God, you poor thing. Your posts are heartbreaking to read.

I really hope that you can access therapy or something that can help you to process what happened to you.

Trigger warning for rape -

I was just reading an article about Mena Suvari, she was in American Beauty if you’ve seen it. Anyway she was talking about being raped age 12 and subsequently going to the doctors with a bladder infection. The doctor put her on birth control but did nothing and neither did her parents. This was in the 90s. Now she has a child she is (rightly) horrified by this. She has written a book about her life, you may find it too close to home or helpful I don’t know. I’m so sorry this happened to you.

I’m so sorry, OP - that is horrific. I second those who have said that some therapy now would be good. You deserve to be able to talk to someone about this

My mum was a social worker - as far as I remember, it wasn’t until the 1989 Children Act that professionals (like healthcare workers, teachers, social workers etc.) had a statutory duty to report abuse; it was the Act that brought in something more like the contemporary notion of safeguarding. Before then I think it was very patchy as to whether you got responsible care. The nurse who diagnosed it should have alerted someone and it was very wrong that she didn’t.

13 is so young. Do you have anyone IRL to talk about it with?

I'm so sorry OP.

I was born early 70s grew up 80s.

Child sexual abuse was never mentioned. Not in the news. Not anywhere. Not ever.

In general. Rape abuse etc and DV were seen as. Impolite? Not something anyone wanted to hear about.

Brush under carpet. Don't make s fuss.

Back then I doubt the police would have been interested. At all. Look at all the Jimmy saville stuff. Loads knew. No one did anything. Just not what you do.

And yes now parents seem better. But in the end. A lot of the time it's the same. Don't make a fuss. Tear family apart. Police if interested it will be a nightmare for everyone. Are you making it up? Everyone will think you are....

It's how it was back then. It was the norm.

I'm so sorry. Your mum and the nurse acted in the way that was normal then.

Yes it was awful. And yes feel very angry upset let down.

In the end what they did was standard then.

Try and divert your anger towards the man. It's all his fault.

And try to in the end. Very difficult. Can take a very long time. Let go of it.

Dwelling on it will do you no good and will not change anything.

I know it took me 20 years but now..I remember. And he was despicable. But I don't get emotional. I don't get upset anymore.

Again. That's really hard. I don't mean to sound insensitive.

And I'm so so sorry.

You deserved better mothering

Xx

In the 80s, sexually active children were seen as provocative rather than victims of abuse. I was being groomed back then, was also raped (different situation) and my mother didn't want anyone to know because I was a 'Lolita' apparently. Seducing a man away from his wife and kids.

I was innocent, didn't really understand what the adults were driving at, thought it was above board.

Society viewed men as easily tempted.

So disgusting, but a prevalent attitude. Mandy Wiseman was married to a decades older pop star at 16, having been his girlfriend for ages. All over the press. No one seemed to question it. Teenagers were groupies, a perk of being a pop star. They were admired for the class of man they'd managed to attract. We teen girls aspired to a boyfriend with a car. Ie, older, at least semi independent.

Our childishness wasn't understood, we were sexually desirable and it was our job to stay pure and guard ourselves from men, rather than theirs to recognise we were children.

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for their kind responses. Means a lot. X