What would you do if your 13 year old daughter was diagnosed with gonnorrhea?

[Appalonia]

Just wondered how mothers on here would feel about this...?

Your feelings are very understandable.

Tbh parenting wasn't great in the 70s. I remember my mum saying when I was a baby, she'd put in my pram at the bottom of the garden so she couldn't hear me cry...

19:52AnyFucker

Thank you. I especially appreciate that coming from you. X

@Appalonia this is truly awful that you were failed like this. Have you had any therapy?

I'm so sorry OP.

I was diagnosed with genital herpes age 12 myself, my DM did nothing but assume I was consentually active. I was already under the eye of social services at the time.

I'm not surprised it still haunts you. That's appalling neglect. I hope you can find someone to listen IRL.

I'm so sorry op. Things were different in the 70s but that is no excuse and doesn't have any bearing on the real ongoing impact of the abuse that people suffered. You absolutely have every reason to feel ongoing trauma from what happened to you and hurt / anger at the adults for further failing you in their response. You do not have to frame your trauma under a label of "it was ok then" it wasn't. It isn't. Your feelings and trauma are valid and justified.

Tbh parenting wasn't great in the 70s.

That’s a rather sweeping statement. I expect most parents in the 70s would have been aghast at their 13 year old daughter having been sexually abused.

Your parents weren’t great, obviously but that wasn’t the norm.

Things were different in the 70s

I wish people would stop saying this too. Child sexual abuse wasn’t acceptable in the 70s.

@Appalonia I'm sorry.

My mum did the pram thing with my sister as well. Weird isn't it now we've all got cameras etc . I was bullied at school and would never have told my mum, now and me and dd go over every inch of her day (I hope anyway). Doesn't make it ok but it was different. My parents find it weird that I cuddle dd all the time and say I love you to her .xx

Sorry to read this. I feel for you. No excuse, but some people/parents just can’t see it and some should never have been parents. It doesn’t take away the pain though. I work in this area and struggle with the fact that most people are naive about the possibility of children being affected in this way. Please seek some counselling if you haven’t already done so.

@Appalonia

Tbh parenting wasn't great in the 70s. I remember my mum saying when I was a baby, she'd put in my pram at the bottom of the garden so she couldn't hear me cry...

Sadly I rather think this was your mothers parenting rather than a attitude prevalent in the 70's. You were badly let down and I'm very sorry you suffered this way

I'm really sorry that happened to you. You deserved so much better than you had.

Speak to someone, it might help in time

@BoredZelda

Tbh parenting wasn't great in the 70s.

That’s a rather sweeping statement. I expect most parents in the 70s would have been aghast at their 13 year old daughter having been sexually abused.

Your parents weren’t great, obviously but that wasn’t the norm.

I'm sure almost all parents would have been aghast, in the '70s, but would they know what to do? If they'd contacted the police, how would they police have reacted? The '70s were different times. People didn't have the tools to deals with things like they do now, even if they knew something was very wrong.

I'm not excusing your parents OP; I don't know the full circumstances. It sounds like you've experienced awful things

You can still contact Rape Crisis if you want to talk about it, there's no time limit there.

in the past parents were told that too much attention would spoil a child, and attitudes were different.
so i can well understand the distant pram thing.
but the other serious issues are different.
could you try to seek counselling OP, there are some self-help support groups.
might be easier speaking to someone who has had similar experience as a child.
good luck.

I'm so sorry op That's awful.
Unfortunately I think a lot of parents of that generation were traumatised themselves by the world wars and were incapable of providing a loving upbringing for their children. Its not excusing it but maybe it would help to see it as they weren't capable of protecting you, rather than they chose not to.

i knew someone who disclosed having been raped aged 13/14 in the 1970s.
she told it to a class mate who said she should tell an adult.
she then chose to tell the chaplain, as he was a man.
he listened and said he would speak to a police sergeant who was a friend of his.
he reported back that nothing could be done as it was unprovable.
so that was the end of it.
no further reporting,nor even recording the name of the perp, who was known to the girl.
no suggestion that she tell her mother. the school were not informed.
it was a different time.
to think two adults in responsible trusted roles, a priest and a police officer, neither did anything more, or even sought to counsel her.

also OP, it should have been incumbent upon the medical people who diagnosed this, to offer you some support, at least.

I'm sorry you were so let down.

Many girls and women don't tell anyone because they feel or know they will be blamed.

@BoredZelda

Things were different in the 70s

I wish people would stop saying this too. Child sexual abuse wasn’t acceptable in the 70s.

I think that there was a much greater chance that the child would be considered complicit in some way.

@Appalonia - I'm so sorry that you went through this and are still dealing with it.

I’m so sorry op. I think @Summerhillsquare idea to contact rape crisis is a good idea. Talking to a professional might help you.
Wishing you all the best

its never too late to talk to someone OP, wishing you the very best

Thanks for the responses. I think the thing that I find hardest to deal with is the response of the health professionals. Surely, even in the 70s, nurses had an obligation to report child sex abuse ( which is what it was, although I didn't know the that at the time). Or maybe they didn't?

@QuentinBunbury

I'm so sorry op That's awful. Unfortunately I think a lot of parents of that generation were traumatised themselves by the world wars and were incapable of providing a loving upbringing for their children. Its not excusing it but maybe it would help to see it as they weren't capable of protecting you, rather than they chose not to.

I do think there's something in that. Pp went through terrible things and the culture at the time was to be stoic and not to talk about it.