Men dominating the conversation even at ‘women’s’ event

[AliasGrape]

Recently attended an event for women in a particular (traditionally male dominated) industry. The event was part of a larger conference with both male and female delegates. This particular event was a coaching event for the ‘women in X’ group run by a female professional coach.

I am not in X industry, had been asked to attend in a slightly different capacity, so was able to mostly observe.

Two men from the conference attended the event. I’m not sure if they asked whether it would be ok or just assumed - presumably they were interested in the topic.

Predictably, these two men totally dominated the conversation - speaking over the women repeatedly. At one point one interrupted the coach and gave a lengthy spiel which was basically a less coherent version of what she was already in the middle of saying.

I know this is nothing new and entirely predictable. It was just fascinating if not utterly depressing to see it ‘in the wild’. I’ve previously worked in very different types of workplaces (with far more women though the men there were perfectly capable of similar behaviour) and now work freelance from home usually so don’t have other colleagues to deal with. To see it happen in a group and an event specifically targeted at women and explicitly titled as for them, to empower them - that was quite something.

If it had been my industry/ event I think I would have struggled not to comment, but very much felt it wasn’t my place.

Do other people have similar experiences?

This thread shows a perfect example of just one of the many reasons I'm looking forward to Filia conference so.much.
No mansplaining. Yay.
Good to know that women speaking first encourages other women, I'll make sure to do that more often.
Luckily I work for a pretty diverse company and I've just been promoted to a training team of 4 women, will be interesting to see how it goes.

Good friend in STEM industry. One other woman in her team of around 20 for context. My friend attended a conference and there was an award ceremony one night. A few winners were photographed and interviewed for a professional mag at the conference. My friend watched the interviews and the two men were asked all about their career development etc and gave very long uninterrupted monologues about the industry. The only woman to win something was asked where she bought her dress and apparently even in the write up comments were made about how lovely she looked . She tried to bring the conversation back to her career but got talked over by a man.

I went to a women in law event about data protection a few years back.

All of the attendees were women in law (barristers, solicitors, trainees, law students etc).

And then there was one man who was not a lawyer. He knew 0 about data protection. 0. Which is fine.

But guess who spent most time talking????

The man who wasn't a lawyer At a women in law event.

😡😡😡

The company I worked for decided that they wanted to encourage more women to stay/return after maternity leave. A steering group was set up to look in to it. As someone relatively junior but pregnant I wanted to get involved. One (fairly senior) man was involved. Every time female members of the group identified a reason why women were leaving the business when they had children he shouted them down with a load of whataboutery. His answer to any challenges was that he, as a lone parent, knew how difficult it can be to juggle work and child care but the company were doing all they could to support- as evidenced by his rapid promotion. No mention was made of the fact that his version of 'lone parent' involved having his DD every other weekend (whilst his ex did the everyday running around and had to take time off if she was ill etc) and occasionally working from home for an afternoon so he could go to her school plays/parents' evening. He then appointed himself (as the most senior member of the group) to feedback on conclusions/observations.

Sadly I was too young/scared of damaging my own prospects to speak up

A small group of us have been negotiating with the management of our building. I asked the management for a meeting with me to cover some issues, on email copying everyone, they came back offering an alternative approach.

I was about to accept the alternative approach when a man in the group (I'm the only woman) emailed over my head with a stinging rebuke for not doing what I had asked.

I emailed everyone telling the man I had no need for him to make arrangements on my behalf, I could do that myself.

He immediately emailed me privately telling me not to do that as we were supposed to be presenting a united front. I replied saying that if he was happy to talk over me to everyone then I was equally happy to ask him not to in front of everyone.

Extraordinary.

@willrufford

As a man who has attended many specialist events in engineering there are a few competitive men who hog the conversation. They are repeat offenders. In a conference of a thousand, small group or at a table in the pub. We think them tedious as well.

So what do men do to shut them up?

@willrufford

As a man who has attended many specialist events in engineering there are a few competitive men who hog the conversation. They are repeat offenders. In a conference of a thousand, small group or at a table in the pub. We think them tedious as well.

This thread is about men talking over women Do you not see the irony in coming on here and offering an anecdote that centres men?

If you haven’t already heard it, Speak Up was a brilliant programme on R4 last month, presented by Mary Ann Sieghart. Expert after expert presenting hard evidence of how little air time women get in groups and how often they are shut down or interrupted by men. Even when the woman is a Supreme Court judge and the man a junior barrister.

@partystress

If you haven’t already heard it, Speak Up was a brilliant programme on R4 last month, presented by Mary Ann Sieghart. Expert after expert presenting hard evidence of how little air time women get in groups and how often they are shut down or interrupted by men. Even when the woman is a Supreme Court judge and the man a junior barrister.

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m000ydx0

Thanks, that was great.