Breastfeeding

[Nika9999]

How do you feel about breastfeeding in public? I was last time breasfeeding my daughter at Costa coffee no one had any issues from the staff but 2 old ladies have been giving me the evil eye & talking about my breasfeeding. I know I have the right to breastfeed as long as I'm comfortable.
It made me feel very mad almost had a go at them. My priority is for my child to be fed when she needs.
Anyone else felt that way?

they are there to eat and drink - so is your daughter. So sorry you got the evil eye. I always found that upsetting, but equally got some smiles every time we were out, which made up for some of the blatant consternation.

Ignore them and carry on. Breastfeed wherever you are.

I'm tempted to say if you get old women giving you evils and talking about you, whip out the other breast and wave it at them, smiling sweetly.

I think you're on the wrong thread here. I'm an old woman and I'm fine with women breastfeeding (used to do it myself), so I hope you're not assuming it's an age thing.....

There was a very long thread a couple of days ago asking the same question. You might find that reassuring to read.

Almost everyone was very supportive of breastfeeding in public and many shared positive stories about it.

Personally I fed my two anywhere and everywhere and never had any problems at all.

No i don't assume everyone is the same. I meant that I have been looked at with evil eye. I dont assume its an age thing....
I wrote here my experience & how I felt 🤷🏽‍♀️

There are probably a few people who look askance at women bottle feeding babies too. Try to ignore any silly, ignorant people who can't mind their own business.

Fwiw I'm 60 now, never noticed any looks except benevolent ones from anyone when I was BFing a couple of decades ago.

It’s not right, but unfortunately there will always be ignorant people like that out there - although I personally haven’t come across any. You can either call them out or ignore them. What I don’t think you should do is give them any headspace. The majority of people are very supportive about public breastfeeding and as you say it’s your legal right. I couldn’t get myself worked up about it.

They might just have grumpy looking faces but if not, what do they want you to do? Stay inside until your child is weaned? Let your baby go hungry? I just can't understand why anyone objects. I think breast feeding is beautiful ( not in a pervy way) and natural and you can't see anything anyway unless you stare and keep staring. It's bizarre . Sorry you experienced that!

I breastfeed my toddler in public and don't give a shit what anyone else thinks.

Weird place to put this thread.....

Personally I BF with a cover (even have done in very strict religious countries) eith no issues whatsoever

You should pull your clothes up instead of down, it's more discreet you don't HAVE to be discreet but you can't deny that a bare big milky boob is something that will draw attention

I breastfed my second baby everywhere in public, even on public transport. I never had any negative reactions.

I once had a lovely old lady come and tell me how wonderful it was to see, when I was sitting on a bench in the street.

Its nobody’s business where the OP posts

Its on a feminism board and that’s absolutely fine

nika my husband was very protective when i breast fed in public, he’d stand in front of me 😀

Im sorry youve had a few bad experiences, it’s difficult to do when you feel you’re being judged but its the right things to do 💐

Obviously chat and aibu would be ok as well 😀

@ErrolTheDragon

There are probably a few people who look askance at women bottle feeding babies too. Try to ignore any silly, ignorant people who can't mind their own business.

Fwiw I'm 60 now, never noticed any looks except benevolent ones from anyone when I was BFing a couple of decades ago.

Same. The only time I was approached it was by an older woman who told me how nice it was to see a woman doing what was good for her child.

It is quite sad and very disappointing that women seemed to have an issue with you breastfeeding your child. it is really internalised bias against women doing the most natural thing in the world.

I, and many other women, would be think it was marvellous that you were breastfeeding your child. And not having to hide away to do it. More power to your milk ducts elbow.

It's fine to breastfeed pretty much anywhere.

It is however something where social norms are not very consistent across age, social class, and region. So there can be a certain amount of scope for meeting up with someone who has somewhat different expectations and sees the difference negatively.

I'd like to think that over time, we'll get to a place where there are more consistent expectations about it so less chance of awkwardness for all.

Assuming you're in UK. I'm in England. And there is an issue with bf while out and about in our culture/ society.

Yes you can and do get dirty looks and muttering.

And women do get lots of messages from around the place that some people don't like it/ need to be 'discreet' (not easy for many). Which makes loads of women a bit paranoid about it.

In the end what you are doing is feeding your baby. And if a baby needs feeding you feed it. No one would argue with that.

But it is seen by some as inappropriate/ obscene etc.

So I get you OP. Chin up. I know it's hard sometimes but they are out of line.

That’s odd, I’ve had the opposite. When BF, nothing but smiles, people have even come up to me and said it was wonderful I was BF my baby. When I’ve bottle fed, I’ve had complete strangers come up and ask why I wasn’t BF!!! It made me feel awful, and I’d explain it was expressed milk, not that it was any of their business! When my milk stopped and I had to use formula in public, I used to open the carton in secret!! Looking back this was ridiculous and I don’t know why I let people make me feel like this - seems whatever you do people will have an opinion and aren’t ashamed to tell you it!!

I breastfed my ds now 4. I was nervous at first about doing it in public, but my experience was very positive. Mostly smiles and an older women came over to me once in a hospital and said it was great to see so many people doing it again. I trained myself to think if anyone has a problem with it.. it's just that, their problem. I always had a 'planned answer' in case someone came over to me negatively.. and never had to use it

Admittedly this was a few decades back, but I was once made to feel uncomfortable about breast-feeding (and this at a wedding I had been invited to).

Other than that, I generally got positive comments ('Ah, lovely! Baby's happy!' kind of thing). And I BF everywhere I went - park benches, trains, the zoo, cafés.

So ignore grumpy people - most people IME are supportive.

You get judged for breastfeeding (too public, child is too big for boob now etc) and you get judged for giving formula (breast is best dontchaknow). You get judged for staying home (so lazy, burden on society, bad example for the kid) and you get judged for going back to work (getting someone else to bring up your own kid! Why bother having one in the first place! Bad mother). I could carry on. I've personally been judged for many random things such as carrying my toddler in a baby carrier (wt everloving f did they want me to do with her, leave her in the park and go home alone?) and putting her on the potty in public (guess they would have preferred to witness her soiling herself, hard to say what on earth they were thinking)

It's just the patriarchy at work, trying to make us believe we are inadequate whatever we do. Also notice it's always the mums getting a hard time. Dads somehow not only can do no wrong, but get praised for doing the absolute bare minimum. My partner got actual praise from a total stranger for putting the baby's clothes on himself - the t-shirt was inside out with seams showing 🙄. His own parents talk about him like he's the messiah because he changed a nappy in their presence - once.

My take? You are going to get judged anyway. So you might as well do whatever you wanted to do in the first place. Hope you enjoyed that coffee and have many more in the future, and all the judgy opinion havers can eff right off.

This old lady breastfed two children in public four decades ago. Less of the “old” please.

Honestly new mums are treated like they can’t do anything right no matter what they do. It’s shit.

I couldn’t breastfeed but I pumped exclusively for 6 months. I got dirty looks when feeding my son in public because I was bottle feeding. I remember wanting to jump up and shout that it was breast milk in the fucking bottle! But it wouldn’t have mattered it if wasn’t, people should keep their noses out.

I've fed two babies in public (London, Kent and Germany) and have experienced nothing but a few friendly comments amid general disinterest. I am relatively discreet but I don't use a cover and if you look its probably obvious that I'm feeding a baby. With both babies i started out covering up more and going to a less visible location but then just popped them on anywhere as they got better at öatching and staying on the boob.

I also had ro pump for the first few weeks with DC2 so bottle fed him in public - again, noone ever gave us a second look, let alone comment on how we were feeding him. I don't think the vast majority of people notice or much care what other people do.