Help! Employee is Transitioning!

[SoManyQuestionsHere]

Reasonably new user name here, so: no NC - but please be understanding about me still having to keep this sort of vague. Also, full transparency, I'm asking around elsewhere, too, to hopefully get an opposite view point.

My employee is, apparently, non-binary and is looking to make some bold, public moves!

Hired in as "male, with a clearly male name and a physical appearance that, while clearly leaning towards androgyny, reads 'definitely male'".

Currently changing name (previously: "George" - obviously NOT the actual name) to something rather more neutral and unusual, along the lines of "Kimye" (equally obviously also not the real name - but: it's not obviously gendered and comes with, sorry - not meaning to sound prejudiced here, I'm genuinely trying to be as pragmatic as humanly possible - connotations that the general public would interpret as "most likely seen on Jeremy Kyle" as well as "they/them" pronouns).

I'm in professional services. A.k.a. "industry that has employees face clients directly". I'm also responsible for a client known for their pretty conservative social values (as a benchmark: earning their respect as a female executive has been an uphill battle for me!). And our employer is, basically, whatever Stonewall's board considers an "ideal case".

Genuinely out of my depth, here!

How would you approach? Given that a) I'm personally a GC but hardly radical (doesn't really matter, I'm a pro and my opinions come last!), that b) I do want to support my employees and don't, personally, see a major problem with "Kimye" doing their thing, internally, c) have a job, which boils down to "make money" and hence necessitates "do not alienate clients" (who WILL feel alienated!), and d) have woman employees whom I cherish, wish to retain and most definitely do not want to ask to share a hotel room with "Kimye" on the grounds that it's one of their more feminine leaning days unless they're 100% cool with it?

Yes, I've asked HR. Apparently, our best official guidance boils down to "play it by ear - we trust our executives!".

have woman employees whom I cherish, wish to retain and most definitely do not want to ask to share a hotel room with "Kimye" on the grounds that it's one of their more feminine leaning days unless they're 100% cool with it?

Why are they sharing hotel rooms at all?

But yeah, definitely don't let that happen.

Remember you can use the exceptions in the equality act. Female employees do not (and should not) have to share a hotel room with a male. You should probably sort out a unisex toilet for Kimye at work.

With regards to losing clients there's not a lot you can do there I don't think. Obviously make sure Kimye continues to act and dress in a professional manner and doesn't use their workplace as a political platform.

EBearhug, they don't on business trips, they DO on "this is a perk of the job, and it's out of town" sort of outings for cost reasons (think: non-mandatory conferences).

And, no, OBVIOUSLY not!

OK so 'Kimye' can call themselves however they want and dress however as long as its professional and in line with either female or male norms at your company. Not a problem.

Employees should not be expected to share hotel rooms anyway so I would push on thar point and if no joy, treat it as any other relationship management issue. The only people sharing should be people who are totally comfortable sharing when asked privately and confidentially.

Good client management means you need to ensure the named contact is appropriate for the needs of the client both in skills and communication. If Kimye won't suit then alternatives should be found that don't disadvantage anyone if possible. If Kimye is the only possible contact then they need to be advised on how best to present when meeting this client to meet business need. I dress differently at work for various contexts so this shouldn't be an issue if approached sensitively.

I'd advise avoiding issues like pronouns in emails but doubt you'd be able to prevent Kimye putting them in if your employer is Stonewall captured.

Always I'd suggest pre-empting any potential pitfalls by getting advice in writing from your LM and/or HR. You don't want to end up in a messy complaint situation if Kimye dislikes the advice given.

Good luck.

I'm no expert. I work in a fairly woke work environment but I don't have line manager responsibility so not sure I can be much help, though I'd say you're HR team aren't much use either are they?!

Does the employee have a role that requires face to face time with the socially conservative client?

Does this impact your wider team and has this person met with HR to change their employee records?

There may be an issue with single sex spaces as you would anticipate, but as the employee is identifying as non-binary they wouldn't necessarily want to use the women's on the days they feel more female (I'm just going with the lingo here, I don't buy it for a moment.) and you could use the single sex exemption, clearly this person can't get a GRC anyway, non binary isn't legally recognised and I imagine it will be about the 'fluidity being valid' and how you show support whilst keeping to employment law and company policy.

I suppose if the pronouns in email comes up you could say it's not professional and you don't want other employees to feel pressure to 'out' themselves.

HR could be consulting Stonewall for their advice. This could be tricky OP, I wish you luck with it.

a) your personal views are not relevant just treat your employee with respect and keep your personal opinions to yourself.
b) that is great that you want to support your employees
c) what would you do if a client had a personal issue with any employee - if they didn't like women, old people, young people, black people, gay people? Handle it the same way you do in these situations.
d) its ridiculous to expect any employee to share a room - cherished or not

Under no circumstances should female employees be put in a position of sharing a hotel room with male colleagues. Don’t ask female employees if they are ok with it, that in itself is a loaded question that they are unlikely to feel comfortable answering honestly in the current environment of abuse to any women that do not ‘validate’ feelings and even if those women think they are ok with it they may feel rather different as they and ‘Kimye’ are undressing for the night

1. Be supportive, it is up to them how they dress, what name they want etc
2. Absolutely stick to single sex hotel rooms and toilets
3. Enquire upwards / to HR re issue with more conservative clients? 'Whilst I of course have no issue, some of our more conservative clients may. I will obviously support X but I think you should know this may be a business risk' or something?

Thanks all who have responded so far!

Currently "playing by ear" as instructed. Therefore ...

"Kimye" has been told to please feel at ease to inform individual clients themselves if and when they feel it's appropriate and to please get back to me if there is a problem (hoping this won't be the case - again: I have NO BLOODY CLUE and zero guidance on "how to respond if there is a problem").

"Fixed" the current hotel room situation by requesting off admin that people get to nominate preferred roomies - Kimye is currently sharing with another one of the guys as per mutual request.

To be perfectly frank, though: I still feel left out in the cold by employer! No, sorry, "we trust our executives" won't do here! I'd like some actual guidance here, pretty please!

wrt sharing rooms, do people usually get a say in who they share with? I can think of some women I wouldn't share with and some men I would be fine with so you may find that's not a problem. I'm v GC on a principles basis but on a personal basis it would depend on the person. I've known 2 transitioners who were perfectly fine, very respectful of all views and happy to discuss and compromise, (and they were both fully and happily supported by all colleagues) and one who was v militant and obviously AGP, who got their kicks from forcing women into situations they were uncomfortable with.

Couple of things to think about is whether you have any programs at work which are specifically aimed at encouraging women (particularly into leadership roles). That can be tricky especially if someone is gender fluid/non binary. And you need a safe space/person for women to approach if they have concerns. Transphobia is never ok but valid concerns should be addressed properly (as you'll know full well being GC). Wrt clients, it may be less of an issue than you're expecting, but we don't allow clients who are sexist/racist or transphobic. (although as mentioned previously, v easy in 2 cases, v difficult to support appropriately in the other one)

If they're NB they're definitely not female, in either identity or sex.

What specifically does 'transitioning' entail? (As per your thread title).

Have you asked them (the NB person) directly what changes the employer is expected to make, if any? (or are they requesting anything specific?)

I've never been expected to share hotel rooms with anyone even when working in the public sector btw.

I think you just want a thread slagging off NB people. Why is it such a big issue to you?

It's an issue if an employee attains a protected characteristic, to ensure they are not discriminated against.

Hope that helps TheMilkisoff.

You don’t seem to understand what non binary means, non binary people don’t transition into anything, and you’ve fixed two issues of your own in the space of 10 minutes.

You treat them as their legally identified sex - make - while accepting that they are a non binary person who needs reasonable adjustments in the work place (being addressed by they/them when spoken about to clients). They don’t require any other adjustments other than that, they’re still male even if they don’t have a masculine identity.

Legally identified sex - male -*

Sorry typos

I would refuse to share a hotel room with anyone. That's crazy your company thinks that's okay.

Apart from that, I would just wait until there's an issue before worrying. Treat your employee with respect and dignity and hold them to the same standards as everyone else. If a client refuses to work with this employee, then I think you would have to refer the matter upwards. But I wouldn't assume that people will have an issue with it.

Honestly I don’t see that anything is required here beyond using the person’s new name and pronouns and making unisex facilities available.

The Government has strengthened legislation for the provision of single sex toilets
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9584757/Gents-ladies-toilets-compulsory-public-buildings-new-planning-laws.html

I don't think any woman should be expected to sleep in a room with the opposite sex but you could fork out for single rooms for them all?

Even the most conservative client will understand the world is a little gender mad right now. They likely read about it quite regularly even if they don't support it.

So they won't be shocked and caught off guard, they just may not want to work with that person.

What happens when you have client who doesn't want to work with someone in your company? You pass them off to another employee if you have resource available... if you don't they will probably go elsewhere. This is such a normal occurrence I don't see why it's an issue.

I wouldn't pre-empt it though. I would wait and see what happens. If there is an existing relationship there you might be surprised at how little they care about this.

If they are NB, then they are according to theirself neither male nor female. As long as they dress professionally and appropriately then that's fine ditto whatever name they wish to use. If they want to put pronouns in their email, they can do so, but no one else should feel pressured to do so.

You could solve the pronouns in email nonsense very easily, OP.
Simply issue a diktat that all employees will use the approved company format and font for emails, and no additions (pronouns, star signs, sexual orientation, favourite biscuit) will be permitted.

The human thing to do would be to start an open dialogue with the employee about how you can best support them, GC or not. I’d start there.

Butterflayaway, please explain non-binary to me in more detail because I really don't get it. I'm a woman who has never bothered with gender stereotype stuff: short hair, trousers, no make-up or jewellery. I'm been called sir or mate or asked to leave the women's loos on occasion and it hasn't been an issue for me. I've never needed to call myself by an androgynous name and I've never required the world to adapt itself to my unique requirements.

Am I non-binary too? If not why not?

Op said if there is some perk, that staff share hotel rooms. I remember a Christmas party in a hotel aeons ago. I was late arriving, so the others had all doubled up in twin rooms by the time I arrived. I had to share with the boss. It was a woman (before men 'identifying' as women became increasingly popular), so no issues like could present now.

Not much banter.