Help! Employee is Transitioning!

[SoManyQuestionsHere]

Reasonably new user name here, so: no NC - but please be understanding about me still having to keep this sort of vague. Also, full transparency, I'm asking around elsewhere, too, to hopefully get an opposite view point.

My employee is, apparently, non-binary and is looking to make some bold, public moves!

Hired in as "male, with a clearly male name and a physical appearance that, while clearly leaning towards androgyny, reads 'definitely male'".

Currently changing name (previously: "George" - obviously NOT the actual name) to something rather more neutral and unusual, along the lines of "Kimye" (equally obviously also not the real name - but: it's not obviously gendered and comes with, sorry - not meaning to sound prejudiced here, I'm genuinely trying to be as pragmatic as humanly possible - connotations that the general public would interpret as "most likely seen on Jeremy Kyle" as well as "they/them" pronouns).

I'm in professional services. A.k.a. "industry that has employees face clients directly". I'm also responsible for a client known for their pretty conservative social values (as a benchmark: earning their respect as a female executive has been an uphill battle for me!). And our employer is, basically, whatever Stonewall's board considers an "ideal case".

Genuinely out of my depth, here!

How would you approach? Given that a) I'm personally a GC but hardly radical (doesn't really matter, I'm a pro and my opinions come last!), that b) I do want to support my employees and don't, personally, see a major problem with "Kimye" doing their thing, internally, c) have a job, which boils down to "make money" and hence necessitates "do not alienate clients" (who WILL feel alienated!), and d) have woman employees whom I cherish, wish to retain and most definitely do not want to ask to share a hotel room with "Kimye" on the grounds that it's one of their more feminine leaning days unless they're 100% cool with it?

Yes, I've asked HR. Apparently, our best official guidance boils down to "play it by ear - we trust our executives!".

@Chronicallymothering

The human thing to do would be to start an open dialogue with the employee about how you can best support them, GC or not. I’d start there.

Probably the human thing to do but not sure I would personally go down that route. I'd want them to feel a little anxiety about it, I'd want them to feel a little pressure to keep it professional, etc.

When you're dealing with clients there is little room for personal expression. There is a reason why everyone is wearing the same boring suit and has neutral hair, makeup, etc.

I would get some proper legal advice. I don't know if someone coming out as non-binary therefore has the protected characteristic of gender reassignment - I would assume that they do, but a lawyer could advise you properly.

Do you have any policy on what to do if a client refuses to work with an employee of yours who has a protected characteristic? E.g. if (say) Tommy Whatshisname refused to see a Muslim member of your staff?

Seems like an excellent moment to end this policy of shared hotel rooms. Surely nobody loves that.

Not seeing too many possible issues in your OP?

Change of name - no problem. People are called what they're called.

Is NB and preferring androgenous presentation - no problem with managing that within appropriate professional workplace expectations and dress codes like all other employees.

If you're worried about politics entering the workplace then it's a case of the same exact same boundaries for all politics with all employeees - who you vote for, your faith and beliefs, your dietary choices etc etc are not part of the job or interaction with clients and shouldn't be pressed on other employees to the point they feel uncomfortable or that it's inappropriate. I have had to put down a boundary on this in a group and yes, was told I was transphobic for preventing 'trans positive messaging', but the bottom line was that the group was not a forum for political messaging of any kind. End of. Boundaries were the same for everyone.

Providing unisex loo if wanted, maybe move towards ending sharing of hotel rooms altogether if you're concerned that a female employee may end up in a situation where they feel unable to say no to a situation they're uncomfortable with.

Would this cover it?

@Chronicallymothering

The human thing to do would be to start an open dialogue with the employee about how you can best support them, GC or not. I’d start there.

In that case, should all staff not also get that meeting about how best their employer could support them. Is 'non binary' (I have no idea what that means in reality if not using stereotypes) a protected characteristic?

We're all unique, right? Some people might not feel as confident coming forward to express their individual identity. They should merit as much support and affirmation as to their worth.

Wrt personal opinion not being valid at work - I'm not sure I agree with this. I had this situation at work, being asked to use he/him pronouns in formal reports. I didn't feel.I could do that as they are not a he/him.TBH it took much longer to write the report using their preferred names where possible and they/them also.

I felt that this was a good compromise where I did not mis gender them but I did not lie either.

allChronicallymothering, yes, genuinely what I'm trying to do. Also: why I'm asking for advice (not only here but also from some "very much opposite of the opinion spectrum" places).

Truth be told: it's hard and messy! I've a balance to strike here between "being a good boss", "being a rainmaker" and "being a good boss to everyone else, too!"

I don't quite know how to get it right, yet!

But I'm genuinely grateful to everyone - from any perspective - who's helping me trying to do as best I can!

@Chronicallymothering

The human thing to do would be to start an open dialogue with the employee about how you can best support them, GC or not. I’d start there.

Coming up for retirement. Worked for 42 years, wide variety of jobs. Had to hide my sexuality for the first 20 years to avoid being fired. Never been asked by an employer about how best they can support me: never had an employer show the slightest bit of interest in me except in what why I can be productive for them.

When did the world of work magically change and become so employee-centred? Could this be why so many young people say they are struggling to find decent jobs?

Seems to me you're looking for problems when none even exist yet. Work an actual problem, don't go in search for one.

Yes, I agree with the "Support? With what exactly?" posts... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Be supportive and respectful to your employee. If room sharing and bathroom access has always been by sex it can remain so presumably. Ask Kimye their preferences for how this is discussed with staff and clients and follow their wishes if reasonable and in line with usual company culture. Be clear that you recognise that they might encounter different reactions from others to their transition and you hope this will generally be polite and respectful. Let them know that you will address any clear transphobia from colleagues or clients. Your employee should come before the bottom line because they are your business. Tell them that their relationship with clients and the positive impression they make is important to business success.

In that case, should all staff not also get that meeting about how best their employer could support them. Is 'non binary' (I have no idea what that means in reality if not using stereotypes) a protected characteristic?

Really, really interesting point that touches on a huge variety of issues. Is it up to an employee to ask their employer to talk about support, is it up to an employer to ask an employee if they need more support?

Certain ‘changes’ are very obvious, so for example an employee starting to become non-binary or trans at work is obvious, someone returning to the office with a physical injury or disability is obvious etc. Lots of areas of life that need support aren’t that obvious though. I wonder where it should ideally stand, the employer or the employee starting the discussions? And what is an issue, experience, change etc, and what isn’t? What counts as something as employer counts as a ‘valid’ reason for requesting support, and what are many employers going to see as something as employer should just “suck up” and cope with?

Fwiw I think that the PP is right to suggest than an open conversation is probably best in this situation, but it does actually lead into a much wider conversation about employer support.

All non binary employees are fully protected under the equality act 2010, as well as all gender fluid identities, you can Google Taylor v Jaguar Land Rover for full details. They all fall under the protected characteristic of gender reassignment in the equality act 2010.

@GoWalkabout

Be supportive and respectful to your employee. If room sharing and bathroom access has always been by sex it can remain so presumably. Ask Kimye their preferences for how this is discussed with staff and clients and follow their wishes if reasonable and in line with usual company culture. Be clear that you recognise that they might encounter different reactions from others to their transition and you hope this will generally be polite and respectful. Let them know that you will address any clear transphobia from colleagues or clients. Your employee should come before the bottom line because they are your business. Tell them that their relationship with clients and the positive impression they make is important to business success.

Why did an employer never give me that talk when it became clear I was a lesbian? Why has no employer ever assured me that they would address any instances of homophobia that arose? Why do so few employers have that talk with women when they reach the menopause stage and need a bit of leeway and understanding to manage symptoms? What is so extraordinarily special about a non-binary person that they need such measures? Please tell us.

As for employees coming before the bottom line, that's the way to go out of business.

@anaily

All non binary employees are fully protected under the equality act 2010, as well as all gender fluid identities, you can Google Taylor v Jaguar Land Rover for full details. They all fall under the protected characteristic of gender reassignment in the equality act 2010.

That's to correct. A lawyer will be along shortly, I hope, to tell you why. But at the very least, it's because no one knows what non-binary means...

@anaily

All non binary employees are fully protected under the equality act 2010, as well as all gender fluid identities, you can Google Taylor v Jaguar Land Rover for full details. They all fall under the protected characteristic of gender reassignment in the equality act 2010.

Protected against what?

Protected against discrimination, that's what the equality act is, it's anti discrimination laws. As for what non binary means, that can be easily googled.

No, you tell me!

Don't you just love when you ask someone to expand on something (which they clearly have a very tenuous grasp of) and they tell you to Google it!p? 😂

That was meant to be a question mark 😬

I'll copy from a search result, non binary is just one term use to describe individuals who may experience a gender identity that is neither exclusively woman or man, or is in between or beyond genders.
You can go argue with verywellminded website if you have issues with it.

Can you give examples of discrimination for none binary identity

MAn and woman as sexes I understand

What are they in the context of gender identity?

In between or beyond genders... 🤔

Man and woman are genders, sex is male or female.
Real examples of discrimination can be seen in the Taylor v Jaguar land rover case. Or any other case such as the zara case, that settled for 30k after they blocked a customer from accessing changing rooms.
A simple "jaguar land rover non binary" or "zara non binary case" will give you all the information you need.

@anaily

Protected against discrimination, that's what the equality act is, it's anti discrimination laws. As for what non binary means, that can be easily googled.

The landrover case was just one employment case, it didn't set the law. Non-binary doesn't have a fixed definition, I assume that's why you're not explaining it, and therefore cannot be legally protected. Gender reassignment is protected in EA2010. It was designed to stop transexuals being fired or refused housing etc for transitioning. It doesn't mean people who call themselves non-binary get special treatment. Anyway @op sounds like you're handling the situation fine, well done.