Things I have been accused of, but which I don't understand.

[vivariumvivariumsvivaria]

Anyone able to help me translate these phrases I was accused of by a person I like and respect and did not regard as a goady fucker until this morning?

"you are a transphobe" :
I think this means "does not agree with everything any trans person says or has ever said"

"you are a bigot":
I think this means that I believe I have something in common with any person who has XX chromosomes, and I believe I am different to every person who has XY chromosomes, and that those are terrible beliefs.

"transwomen are women"
I think this means that I am to ignore the fact that transwomen's biology is not exactly the same as mine.

"you are old fashioned and conservative"
I think this means that my desire to have my legal rights to single sex spaces in order to protect my privacy, dignity and safety is not hip.

"everyone talks about you behind your back"
I think this means that I am surrounded by chicken-livered-cowards who are too unsure of their convictions to actually have a conversation with me because, deep down, they know I am right.

Anyone able to confirm or deny? I genuinely don't understand why I am a terrible person for believing the evidence of my own eyes - female and male people are not exactly the same, some female people are harmed by some male people, all female people have felt threatened by some male people at some point, millions of female people are being harmed because of their sex right now at this very moment, and just FUCK RIGHT OFF, I AM ENTITLED TO HOLD OPINIONS YOU SANCTIMONIOUS ARSE.

PS. what about the transmen and NB identified females? Why do they never get a mention in any lecture from a wokey wokester?

I would translate the whole of their accusations into "I cannot think for myself so I will chant the mantras in your direction, which will make me feel smug and righteous looking down my nose at you". The "everyone talks about you behind your back" is not on the memo though, so I would hold them personally responsible for that particular little piece of nastiness and yes, they are a sanctimonious arse I could not respect any more.

And the reason that transmen and NB identified females never get a mention is, of course, because they are female and your wokey wokester only centres males in their Social Justice War.

"everyone talks about you behind your back"
That was with the intention of causing hurt feelings. It has told you something about the person who said it; they care more about not standing out from the crowd than anything else.
They don't care how much harm their behaviour or ideology causes, they'll never be held to account as they'll just blame everyone else. Its a form of diffusion of responsibility.
Its not something that feminists tend to do as we often have to go against the flow in the first place.

"you are old fashioned and conservative"
This person is on a purity spiral, and purity spirals are hard to get off. Purity spirals demand you attribute a positive or negative value to every thing. In their world, no one would want to be associated with a Bad thing, as that would make them a Bad person.

This article lists 5 types of behaviour that are wearing in a relationship and best avoided, you can count several in the statements you listed;
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-truisms-wellness/201611/the-five-types-people-you-need-get-out-your-life

🥱

I am sorry you met with such judgemental rudeness from a person for whom you feel liking and respect. The comments suggest that s/he does not really like you or respect your point of view. That makes this person a twat.

And my woke kids say this sort of crap regularly to me so you and I are in this together!

I have a friend I love very much who disagrees with me on this issue. We don’t discuss it because we value the relationship.

I agree with everything you posted.

Your translations are dpot-on, Viv!

And Inebriati, thanks for an interesting link.

spot-on.

The 'everyone talks about you behind your back' line is textbook gaslighting shithead. I hope this person is not a relative because I think you should really get them out of your life.

Everyone talks about you behind your back - Is this in relation to how wrong you must be? Because only the most TERFey would disagree with trans identifying peoples rights to supremacy, like you are so cold and cruel and rare it has been noted by everyone else too.

It's a weak mans argument.

I've reached the stage now where, when someone says this to me, I raise an eyebrow and smile to myself, because the whole dodgy edifice is falling apart and I suspect that before long the speaker will be denying ever having believed in it. A couple of times recently I've said to people 'I want you to remember this conversation because I'm going to pick it up with you in a couple of years time. Don't forget what you've just said' And then I précis it back to them. It's not intended to be alarming but I think a couple of them have been a bit spooked.

Who was this person? They sound like an unintelligent bully. And you can tell them that from me.

Wait, they forgot to point out you're on the wrong side of history. That would've made the complete set.
Nasty, aggressive thought police. Resistance will be stamped out. It's so sinister.

How kind of them to share all that. What do you think there intent was?

everyone talks about you behind your back

In my experience that means 'I bitch about you to everyone'.

We have one of these. I just don't reply when she starts slagging others because it's easier than arguing again. In the long run being the bitch of a group doesn't win you any friends.

by a person I like and respect and did not regard as a goady fucker until this morning

Well, at least now you know you were wrong about that. Unless you really were being very abusive about trans people there is no reasonable excuse for those comments.

It's pathetic to be resorting to name-calling and 'everybody agrees with me' as an adult.

This might help.
twitter.com/ExcelPope/status/1420995207445852167?s=19

"everyone talks about you behind your back" - what's this playground bully tactics?
Please tell me you replied, "nobody ever mentions you."

Tell them you've seen the light. They've convinced you.

Then check their thinking for anything they say that might indicate they believe any human (who hasn't openly and publicly declared a gender identity) is male or female (referring to anyone as 'he' or 'she', for example). Remind them that assuming genders is transphobic, particularly if they seem to have based this on biological features.

Alternatively, just ignore the fuck out of them.

"everyone talks about you behind your back" - I’d ask which pronouns they presumed to use (and then feign horror that they used the ‘wrong’ ones).

Yes, the "talking about you" thing was fascinating. As if I give a shit. This person works in the Arts, so parroting "TWAW" is practically a contractual obligation.

I work with the Arts in a minor way, and, apparently I am a problem.

He told me that sex and gender are not the same thing and I need to check my privilege.

Sweetie, I belong to a group of people who are universally abused, raped and murdered and have been since the end of time. No trans people have been murdered in Scotland since records began -this is brilliant and our nation should be very proud of it. Yet, I don't see any flag waving saying "Scotland is safe for trans people", I only see "trans people are the MOST vulnerable and the MOST persecuted and the MOST abused" - and it's not true. There are piles of dead women to prove it.

Fuck right off.

Sorry, but yes this person is an arsehole. I initially thought they were just deluded, until the ‘everyone talks about you behind your back’ bit. Wave them off cheerily and never give them another moment’s thought.

My slight niggle is that this person works in a field that intersects with mine. Him saying "everyone talks.." has made a couple of pennies drop about why some odd things have happened in my professional life. Nothing major, just people I'd normally have a chat with at a big work meeting being friendly but distant, a couple of minor work opportunities that would usually be earmarked for me didn't come my way and there was an informal post-lockdown night out that I didn't get invited to. It's not necessarily deliberate, we are all freelancers and there's no structure, but, hmmmm.

I saw this on another thread lascapigliata8.wordpress.com/2021/08/28/nurses-request-that-health-and-nursing-organisations-withdraw-from-stonewalls-diversity-championship-scheme/ so I think I'll send that to him and ask him what he thinks. Handily, his wife's a nurse.

"Everyone talks about you behind your back"

As they should i don't see the issue

No, I don't care at all about whether people are gossiping, Cat.

However, if they are accusing me of a hate crime...well, I'd need to follow that up.

Apparently it makes you worse than Hitler. Welcome to the shunning step, shall I pour you a gin?

Yes please, Alkanet

Aha, seems I am a witch. That's what happens to women with opinions, isn't it?