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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Upset that this child had surgery to remove breasts

44 replies

PrincessNutella · 16/07/2021 15:34

I was on a zoom call last week with old friends. One has a late teenage daughter. A young person walks behind my friend in the kitchen where she is. She calls the young person over. Appears to be another teen girl with an open plaid shirt, short hair, and what looks like a bunch of ace bandages wrapped across her chest. "This is Kyler (name slightly changed, you get the idea). "He just had his top surgery yesterday. He's staying with us because his parents aren't supportive." Everyone on the zoom call is "Ooh congratulations on your journey," and I am feeling sick. Sick because I have been at high risk of breast cancer for most of my adult life and have had multiple surgical biopsies. Sick because every six months I sit in a room full of scared women waiting to be tested again and I know we aren't all going to make it. Sick because I know a breast is a living organ that fed my children, and because I know that when I was a teenager I sometimes hated my breasts, too, because they attracted predatory men. And sick because this is such a crazily futile act that has its failure written in its very performance. No man has surgery scars from having his breasts removed so he can look like a man. He just is a man. Am I unreasonable to think that this child will regret this decision?

OP posts:
Cabinfever10 · 16/07/2021 15:45

I guess your friend is part of this young person's "rainbow family ".
I often wonder how people who enable this sort of thing justify their interference in the relationship between parents and their children?
I also wonder if they will ever except any blame for the harm and heartache that they help cause when the young person grows up and realises the full consequences of the path they were led down

Melroses · 16/07/2021 15:45

"He just had his top surgery yesterday. He's staying with us because his parents aren't supportive."

Is this person an adult or are they enabling a child? Who is supporting the parents in all this.

Sad
Nonmaquillee · 16/07/2021 15:50

Top surgery - what a euphemism/understatement. This young person has had an elective double mastectomy. I felt sickened reading your post, it must have been very shocking to witness. I don’t know how you sat through the Zoom call.

bellinisurge · 16/07/2021 15:53

Give me strength

TooWicked · 16/07/2021 15:54

I can’t stand “top surgery”, what a euphemism.

That poor child and their poor parents. And what a shock for you.

All good for your friend though, they get to play the supportive surrogate parent, and they can easily wash their hands of this child if and when the child’s realisation and regret kicks in.

toffeebutterpopcorn · 16/07/2021 15:55

God. I would have cried to see that. My aunt died of breast cancer. Breast are not an accessory.

Sorry but your friend is enjoying playing ‘saviour’. A bit like Kids Company did. And we know how that ended up.

Skybluepinkgiraffe · 16/07/2021 15:57

Terrifying

Sexnotgender · 16/07/2021 15:59

I could weep for the thousands of teenage girls who are going to look back in years to come and regret this.

I feel nothing but rage for the doctors facilitating unnecessary double mastectomies on vulnerable young girls.

CardinalLolzy · 16/07/2021 16:02

I will never understand those who claim to be pro-trans yet go to such extreme lengths because they believe men can't/don't/ shouldn't have breasts.

If it's body dysmorphia that's a separate thing and should be treated as such.

But either certain genders "match" certain bodies or they don't. You can't say that it's transphobic to think that when some people say it but not others.

Ozanj · 16/07/2021 16:03

They didn’t want their breasts so removed them. Their body to do whatever they want with considering their age makes them an adult in the eyes of the law.

And well yes men do get breast cancer and do die with surgical scars from removing breast tissue as it is often more fatal for men as doctors don’t know to look for it until the symptoms are advanced (both of my uncles died from it; it makes my risk and my DS’ risk go through the roof)

Anotheruser02 · 16/07/2021 16:13

She had to call her over to parade her own 'good deeds' in front of everyone on the call. I'd be fucked off if I was that girl that my sensitive medical information and family situation was being used like that. WTF.

CardinalLolzy · 16/07/2021 16:14

That's interesting about male breast cancer, when you say men/uncles/DS Ozanj do you mean male sex or all people who identify as men?

Their body to do whatever they want with
It is not legal to 'do whatever you want with' one's body, adult or not.

Ilikeknitting · 16/07/2021 16:17

What age?
It makes a difference. A 19 year old is certainly old enough to know she wants to live as a man. A 13/14 year old, I’d be less encouraging, even though I’d have no doubt she/he knows what gender she/he wants to identify as.

I’m not sure what your breast cancer risk has to do with this though. Sorry you feel upset that others make choices you wouldn’t. Genuinely.

Em308 · 16/07/2021 16:18

What gives you the right to judge someone else’s emotional turmoil as less valid than yours? You have no idea the anguish that this person went through to arrive at this monumental decision. Why do so many people on this forum believe they know better than the individual in question “the full consequences of the path they were led down”?! Wth? Or maybe they’re actually on a journey of emotional, mental and physical well being? Support and kindness goes a long way, sadly so does judgement.

Keepemguessing · 16/07/2021 16:18
Flowers

My niece is a transman who had a double mastectomy. I cried.

CardinalLolzy · 16/07/2021 16:22

@Em308

What gives you the right to judge someone else’s emotional turmoil as less valid than yours? You have no idea the anguish that this person went through to arrive at this monumental decision. Why do so many people on this forum believe they know better than the individual in question “the full consequences of the path they were led down”?! Wth? Or maybe they’re actually on a journey of emotional, mental and physical well being? Support and kindness goes a long way, sadly so does judgement.
Are you responding to the OP's words or the poster who wrote the words you quoted, or someone else's post?
CardinalLolzy · 16/07/2021 16:23

@Ilikeknitting

What age? It makes a difference. A 19 year old is certainly old enough to know she wants to live as a man. A 13/14 year old, I’d be less encouraging, even though I’d have no doubt she/he knows what gender she/he wants to identify as.

I’m not sure what your breast cancer risk has to do with this though. Sorry you feel upset that others make choices you wouldn’t. Genuinely.

Are you saying that 'living as a man' requires not having breasts? Why?
CardinalLolzy · 16/07/2021 16:23

(I don't mean to sound aggressively interrogative! Grin Just trying to clarify!)

toffeebutterpopcorn · 16/07/2021 16:24

Are their any stats on the % of females who have elective mastectomies and internal plumbing removed, Vs males who have err - penisectomy (and a separate stat for breast implants?). I’m curious to see if (as I feel to be the case) that females are more likely to body-modify than males.

Lifeinthelastlane · 16/07/2021 16:28

At 19 you would struggle to get a doctor to sterilise you, or give you a vasectomy.
At 19 the idea of breastfeeding would have made me sick, no idea that I would want to do it in the future.
I'm not even convinced you should be allowed a tattoo at 19!

Em308 · 16/07/2021 16:29

@CardinalLolzy to the op

Keepemguessing · 16/07/2021 16:29

Did a klaxon go off somewhere? So many posters defending this...

Em308 · 16/07/2021 16:30

and @Cabinfever10

Wbeezer · 16/07/2021 16:34

@CardinalLolzy probably actual male at birth uncles, it does happen, DHs uncle is being treated at the moment and there is usually a genetic link.

beigebrownblue · 16/07/2021 16:38

I really think you need to block this person. They are mentally seriously ill.