I feel disheartened and isolated in my views

[hazandduck]

I have had an awful experience tonight because of my views on gender ideology. I don’t feel like the tide is turning, not in my social circle any way 😩 I have put a couple of gender critical posts on my (private) social media but had little to no response to them really (apart from a couple of lovely women I met through MN funnily enough)!

Tonight I saw someone who I’ve met once before. She had been drinking with my friends all afternoon (she is a friend of a friend). My friends know I’m GC but I don’t really talk about it because I know a few of them are on the fence or think TWAW and they are my best mates, I don’t want to get in to debates with them etc.

Any way, this woman who I barely know lives with one of my friends. I feel (as do my friends that had been with her all day) that she had scoped out my social media through our mutual friend’s account maybe?

As soon as I walked in she said she remembered my beautiful children (her words - she’s met them once as I said that one time I met her) and then out of the blue she said “let me ask you. If they said to you in 10 years, I’m in the wrong body I want to change sex, what would you say?”

I said well I doubt they would ask that because I am raising them to know you can’t change your sex and gender is sexist stereotypes. But if they did ask me I would get them all the therapy and support they need to understand they cannot change sex and accept who they are.

She went crazy. Like a switch flipped. She didn’t want to hear my opinion she wanted a fight. I said “look let’s just leave it everyone’s having a nice time let’s talk about something else.” One of my other friends who was drunk took it to mean that if one of my kids was gay I would get them therapy!! I said no! That is NOT the same. People just don’t get it. I feel so alone in this. I was shaking.

But then it got worse and the random woman and my friend who lives with her started arguing, friend said “look just chill out.” Random started screaming at her she was allowed her opinion and she should fuck off and stop embarrassing her. Called her a c*nt. Told her to fuck off and said she was telling ‘her’ (pointed at me) her opinion that she was entitled to.

It escalated in to actual violence between them and they ended up punching and screaming on the floor! I was just so mortified. I’ve never had a fight or anything like this before. But I was actually scared.

We are women in our late twenties and early thirties. I feel so upset by the whole evening, like I ruined it by opening my mouth. But then why should I not answer a simple question without facing fear of violence? I know honestly nothing about this woman I have no idea why she had it in for me tonight. I am a fairly quiet, tee-total, happily married mum of a 1 and 3 year old. My life is boring and I would consider myself totally harmless.

I came home in tears tonight because I felt like I was being shamed for having this opinion and almost like the implication was that I am a bad mother. Am I?? I feel so alone in my views. DH gets it. But none of my friends seem to. It makes me really seriously doubt myself and that I am choosing the right path for my children...will they grow up and resent me? Think me a bigoted dinosaur?

Sorry I don’t know why I’m posting I’m just here awake my hands still slightly trembling even though this all happened hours ago.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I woke up this morning for a second forgetting and then had that awful nauseous wave wash over as I remembered what had happened last night.

I’ve had a lovely day with my little girls in the garden. I’ve not heard from either of the women who had the fight but I’ve had lots of messages from my friends, including those who weren’t there just checking I’m ok etc. The random woman isn’t part of our group so I hopefully won’t be seeing her again any time soon.

My friend who lives with the randomer hasn’t messaged but her mum messaged me to say she was worried for her and feels helpless :( I don’t think she will move out tbh. I think she will just act like nothing happened. I can’t make her cut this toxic person out, I will just have to be there for her if/when something bad happens again.

Sorry @whoshouldItalkto I didn’t mean to be insensitive. It must be an awful situation, which is why I said I hope the girls don’t grow up resenting me in my OP, because they could well end up having very different beliefs to me. I will have a look at that group ❤️

I think what got me the most was the implication that I wouldn’t support my girls if they did identify as trans, just because I don’t believe you can change sex, and that in turn meant I also wouldn’t support them if they were gay. I never said anything of the sort and it just made me feel so shit, like I was a terrible mother for not automatically just saying “yes you are a boy because you feel like you are.” I think where everyone else was drunk it was one of those ‘they are never going to get my point of view’ type situations.

I really hate the kind of lumping together I’ve seen a few times, that if you don’t believe TWAW or buy in to gender ideology that you are also homophobic, not supporting my child wanting to transition doesn’t mean I don’t support my child in their sexual orientation. I’m not articulating my thoughts very clearly sorry but I feel like some people think being gender critical (or atheist which is a nicer way to put it) or as TRAs would call it ‘transphobia,’ and homophobia are synonymous. When really I think a lot of gender ideology is rooted in homophobia.

Any way I am rambling. I hope everyone has had a nice day, too. Thanks for being so kind. Here’s to another week of smashing the patriarchy 🤜 🤛

Bloody hell. I disagree with you completely on the subject, but this woman sounds like a lunatic spoiling for a fight. She was totally out of order to pick a fight with you and to escalate it to actual violence. That’s never acceptable behaviour regardless of the issue. Hope you’re ok - sounds like a horrendous experience.

OP you're not rambling...you're just expressing a thought process that many of us here have been through.

It's natural to doubt yourself - frankly I think it's a good thing.

The biggest distinction between most TRA's and GC Feminists (aside from ideology) is the fact that the former never question or doubt whilst the latter do.

Sealing yourself into an echo chamber doesn't work.

It's only by listening and finessing a position based on feedback that makes it strong.