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Original poster

Men treating me like a child

45 replies

Novelusername · 05/06/2021 08:36

I'm wondering if this happens to anyone else. I get this from male friends who are just being friendly or sometimes have a crush on me, but I've also had this from boyfriends. It will be things like sending me messages with cutesy stuff in it - Cats, Disney or Pixar GIFs, something like that. I've never had any remote interest in Disney or Pixar, haven't seen most of those films, I'm more likely to watch International cinema, horror or gangster movies (though no offence if animation is your thing!) Whilst I do like cats and other animals, I just find it all a bit wet to be sent this stuff. It seems like they're thinking 'this is what girls like, I'll send her this'. I never send them this kind of stuff in return, and in responding I feel a bit awkward and just give a one word answer or a thumbs up, but it keeps on coming! I might just completely ignore it from now on, but that feels a bit rude. I have this one guy who sends me stuff like this every few days, it's quite annoying to have to reply to him, a chore, feels like he's trying to establish regular contact by sending me this stuff and I'd rather not. I also wonder if men doing this kind of thing are using me to indulge their 'feminine' side for themselves - really they like this cutesy stuff, but they use me as an excuse for indulging in it. Is it just me that attracts men doing this?!

OP posts:
LaLaLandIsNoFun · 05/06/2021 08:38

That’s just plain weird. Never experienced it.

Original poster
Novelusername · 05/06/2021 08:39

@LaLaLandIsNoFun

That’s just plain weird. Never experienced it.
It's probably just the type of men I attract then!
OP posts:
jeaux90 · 05/06/2021 09:27

I was on a call the other day (work) passing pleasantries as we know each other really well and he said he didn't know a woman who doesn't love Disney movies. Confused

Part of me gets it because as parents we get subjected to some of these god awful films and often pretend to love them in front of our kids

Op next time you get sent some cute shite you don't like, cute kitten, just say you hate cats or something you really don't have to "be nice".

BillyTodd · 05/06/2021 09:29

That is weird. Ask him why he's sending you stuff that seems to be suitable for a child.

JellySlice · 05/06/2021 09:33

I suspect it's blinkered ignorance. As you put it: It seems like they're thinking 'this is what girls like, I'll send her this'. It's lazy.

One of the things that I found attractive about dh was that he paid attention. I don't remember how I showed him I was not into this stereotyped cutsie stuff - perhaps he noticed an almost complete lack of it in my home - but he very quickly stopped giving me cutsie stuff. He's given me cuddly toys, but they were not cliched cutsie 'girly' teddies, and I love them.

BillMasheen · 05/06/2021 10:04

he didn't know a woman who doesn't love Disney movies

To be fair, all my female friends are into Star Wars. 😉

Original poster
Novelusername · 05/06/2021 10:13

@BillMasheen

he didn't know a woman who doesn't love Disney movies

To be fair, all my female friends are into Star Wars. 😉

I think I've only seen one Star Wars film and one Harry Potter film (haven't read the books either), so I'm a bit of an outlier. I guess it feels like I'm getting a virtual pat on the head and being told I'm sweet when I get sent this stuff. 🤮
OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 05/06/2021 10:34

Ok. You have been conditioned to think not responding to an unwanted advance is rude.
What IS rude is the sender passing unsolicited images or messages.
Just ignore or message back along the lines of "I am not interested in this stuff, stop sending it, ta." And if they don't stop, well there's your answer, they don't respect your boundaries so block.

Original poster
Novelusername · 05/06/2021 10:43

I think you're right, FlibbertyGiblets, I feel like I have to be nice. It's pretty harmless compared to the kind of abuse women get on social media and unsolicited dick pics etc, but it's irritating having to deal with it. I think it's about him establishing regular contact with me, I think he's just lonely and it's become part of his routine sending me this shite. I've tried to mute and restrict but somehow I keep getting alerts. I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill but it feels intrusive, I barely know this dude.

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 05/06/2021 10:46

He's inserting himself into your life without invitation, it's unbalanced. I would just get rid but I am a hard faced old harridan.

ErrolTheDragon · 05/06/2021 10:46

I never send them this kind of stuff in return, and in responding I feel a bit awkward and just give a one word answer or a thumbs up, but it keeps on coming!

How about replying, 'are you still into this sort of Disney stuff? I didn't have you down as a kidult'.

alexyyy · 05/06/2021 11:15

@Novelusername

I think you're right, FlibbertyGiblets, I feel like I have to be nice. It's pretty harmless compared to the kind of abuse women get on social media and unsolicited dick pics etc, but it's irritating having to deal with it. I think it's about him establishing regular contact with me, I think he's just lonely and it's become part of his routine sending me this shite. I've tried to mute and restrict but somehow I keep getting alerts. I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill but it feels intrusive, I barely know this dude.
You do not need to be nice. You are entitled to your own feelings and to have those respected. If you are unsure whether he is nice or nasty, send him a message telling him that his messages make you uncomfortable and ask him to stop. If he immediately apologises and stops, you know he meant no harm and you have asserted yourself to a good end. If he starts criticising you and accusing you of being mean, you know that he has malign intentions and it's time to block and report him. By doing nothing you don't find out more information about him or know if he is a risk to you. Put yourself the other way round. Would you send endless messages to someone who barely responded except out of politness or would you think ah they don't like this I better stop? If someone told you they didn't like it you would likely feel mortified and immediately apologise and stop. Empathy is a lovely quality but can be a trap particularly in relation to predators and people with malign intentions or unstable personalities.
HopeClearwater · 05/06/2021 13:31

I have this one guy who sends me stuff like this every few days, it's quite annoying to have to reply to him

But you don’t have to reply to him. You really don’t. I know exactly what you mean but this is social conditioning. You don’t like it. Why should you have to pretend to like it? Just ignore it. You’ve said you hardly know him, why do you feel responsible for his feelings?

HopeClearwater · 05/06/2021 13:33

I think he's just lonely

How is this your problem?!!

PearPickingPorky · 05/06/2021 13:55

@Novelusername

I think you're right, FlibbertyGiblets, I feel like I have to be nice. It's pretty harmless compared to the kind of abuse women get on social media and unsolicited dick pics etc, but it's irritating having to deal with it. I think it's about him establishing regular contact with me, I think he's just lonely and it's become part of his routine sending me this shite. I've tried to mute and restrict but somehow I keep getting alerts. I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill but it feels intrusive, I barely know this dude.
Next time he sends you something cutsie, text him back saying "you really like all this cutsie/Disney/fluffy stuff don't you!"

And then if he say you do too, then just say "No, I've never much liked that sort of thing".

Original poster
Novelusername · 05/06/2021 14:42

Thanks for all the advice, I'm going to try saying that it's not really my thing if he doesn't stop. I was wondering if other women experienced this but it seems like it's just me! I think part of the problem is I'm physically quite girly looking in face and body type, though not particularly how I dress or present myself, but it's assumed that this is the kind of thing I'd like Hmm It's irritating actually, may have to try an image overhaul, masculine tailoring or something! And yes, also not feeling to take part in emotional labour.

OP posts:
Deliriumoftheendless · 05/06/2021 15:00

Maybe send him pictures of toy cats and pokemon or Ben 10 or something.

FictionalCharacter · 05/06/2021 15:02

Best to stop responding with thumbs up too. That’s sending him a message that you like it and encouraging him to continue.

Original poster
Novelusername · 05/06/2021 15:05

@FictionalCharacter

Best to stop responding with thumbs up too. That’s sending him a message that you like it and encouraging him to continue.
Yes, I went from saying 'that's nice', to just an emoji, now ignoring, and if that doesn't work I'll just say it's not really my thing. I just find such an interaction so cringeworthy, I despair at how I attract these types!
OP posts:
SamMil · 05/06/2021 15:19

I've never experienced anything like this - it's pretty weird!

I'd probably just ignore and if they persist ask something like "what's with all the Disney/cats/etc stuff?!" and see what they say.

Original poster
Novelusername · 05/06/2021 15:22

I think I'm too soft as well and this attracts a certain type, unfortunately.

OP posts:
IEat · 05/06/2021 15:42

Could be that he assumes all women like pink fluffy cute live heart puppies. Could drop a hint and say oh look a puppy it’s cute but I really love Saw

Pieceofpurplesky · 05/06/2021 15:47

How do you know these men? Is it professional? Personal? Old friends? New friends?

It's weird but seems like he is trying to get you to respond (again weird and a little creepy)

Shadedog · 05/06/2021 15:55

If you barely know him just block him. He’s a tedious ballache and you don’t want him sending you a different version of pointless shit either. It’s not your job to make him feel good

Erikrie · 05/06/2021 16:08

I've experienced this. It's really weird. Puts me right off them. Although I did always assume that sent this stuff because they liked it. But actually, it was for my benefit wasn't it 🤔

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