Men treating me like a child

[Novelusername]

I'm wondering if this happens to anyone else. I get this from male friends who are just being friendly or sometimes have a crush on me, but I've also had this from boyfriends. It will be things like sending me messages with cutesy stuff in it - Cats, Disney or Pixar GIFs, something like that. I've never had any remote interest in Disney or Pixar, haven't seen most of those films, I'm more likely to watch International cinema, horror or gangster movies (though no offence if animation is your thing!) Whilst I do like cats and other animals, I just find it all a bit wet to be sent this stuff. It seems like they're thinking 'this is what girls like, I'll send her this'. I never send them this kind of stuff in return, and in responding I feel a bit awkward and just give a one word answer or a thumbs up, but it keeps on coming! I might just completely ignore it from now on, but that feels a bit rude. I have this one guy who sends me stuff like this every few days, it's quite annoying to have to reply to him, a chore, feels like he's trying to establish regular contact by sending me this stuff and I'd rather not. I also wonder if men doing this kind of thing are using me to indulge their 'feminine' side for themselves - really they like this cutesy stuff, but they use me as an excuse for indulging in it. Is it just me that attracts men doing this?!

Send back a picture of a tough gangster character and say Disney is not your style so they will have to enjoy the cute stuff by themselves.

(even if they clearly aren't into cute, it will signal that you have no interest in understanding their intentions)

Not keen on Disney here nor read nor seen HP.

Howls moving castle and the Sophie books are better IMO.

Can you reroute the discussion towards stuff you're into? So reply with a meme or gif of movies you do like. Or make a reference.

Or simply just say "yeah.. that's not really my thing. I like -insert your likes- / I'm more of a blood and gore woman 😬"

Unless you've repeatedly made them aware of this before and they keep doing it. Then a simple "Oh ffs, not again 🙄" should do the trick.

It's not all animation-type kids stuff but also grown up stuff that's really twee if you see what I mean, 'good news' type stories. I don't want to sound like a miserable cow but I don't need this stuff sending to me every few days, if I wanted to seek it out I could do so myself quite easily! He's obviously trying to bond with me but projecting some really twee personality onto me at the same time if he thinks I'm interested in this stuff. I might be expecting a message and then it will be some crap about seashells! These men have been friendly acquaintances mainly, but an ex-boyfriend also used to send me really twee stuff. I find it really infantilising.

AccidentallyOnPurpose That's a good idea with someone you'd normally be talking to, but tbh I don't really want to chat to him at all, so I think I'll just ignore! I'll see if I can actually put him on mute, as somehow I'm still getting messages.

@Novelusername

AccidentallyOnPurpose That's a good idea with someone you'd normally be talking to, but tbh I don't really want to chat to him at all, so I think I'll just ignore! I'll see if I can actually put him on mute, as somehow I'm still getting messages.

Ah then just block and move on, unless you need to contact him occasionally for whatever reason. Then mute and ignore. Hopefully he'll get the hint.

A larger number of men than you'd imagine seem to like that sort of thing.

On my work chat with 4 blokey blokes 2 of them are liable to use cutesy GIFs around the football chat.

I know others as well who do this on Facebook etc.

So I'd assume it was what he liked tbh. Although I understand your reaction obviously!

A bloke I know who does body building is forever putting up feeling blessed and inspirational quotes on SM.

I think it's odd and infantile but if it makes them happy so be it!

@NiceGerbil

A larger number of men than you'd imagine seem to like that sort of thing.

On my work chat with 4 blokey blokes 2 of them are liable to use cutesy GIFs around the football chat.

I know others as well who do this on Facebook etc.

So I'd assume it was what he liked tbh. Although I understand your reaction obviously!

Interesting! Yes, maybe it's just him with the fluffy personality, which is fair enough, but I still don't need to be sent this stuff.

Reply with interesting articles from new scientist?

I'm afraid I'd be outright saying "eh?! I'm not a child!!"

I have found in the past though that some men do seem to want a woman who is stereotypical and fits a mould ideal in their head.

I remember a few going doe eyed when I said I was a primary teacher, as if they'd seen our distant children and me being excellent at looking after them.

One in particular had an actual tantrum when I turned up with my tool kit at the house he'd moved into; I think I mortally offended him that I assumed he might not have a hammer. (He'd been living in student digs and had v little as far as I could tell!)

So just be careful to be clear about that!

I have found in the past though that some men do seem to want a woman who is stereotypical and fits a mould ideal in their head.

I remember a few going doe eyed when I said I was a primary teacher, as if they'd seen our distant children and me being excellent at looking after them. hmm

Yes, I completely agree with this and it's what I've been trying to articulate. I've experienced this before, men projecting onto me what they think their ideal girlfriend type would be and treating me accordingly and with certain expectations, rather than dealing with what's actually there - it's like I may as well be a blank canvas. It's a girly type ideal that they expect me to fit into, which makes me feel awkward as I'm not particularly girly at all.

It's a girly type ideal that they expect me to fit into, which makes me feel awkward as I'm not particularly girly at all.

That awkward feeling is your brain waving the red flag.

Yes definitely red flags.

There are certainly men who don't do this so keep looking.

I'd be tempted to reply with a Halloween type kitten image. Something from scarfolk perhaps.

How about replying, 'are you still into this sort of Disney stuff? I didn't have you down as a kidult'.

Or reply with something a member of the Bacon family in Viz Comic might say.

🐈

OP, by replying with anything at all, you are giving him encouragement and maintaining his belief that he has a connection with you.
Just ignore the stuff!
If he is getting no response, he will have to give up. Ideally, you should have taken this approach from the start, but you seem to have been groomed into the female socialisation stereotype of being “nice” even to men who are annoying you. Start having some boundaries, and stop feeling you owe any man a response.

Yeah probably just ignore.

I'm having too much fun with unsolicited kit pics now

Is it just me or is this write up comedy?

I've had this. From someone I actually knew fairly well. Very annoying. He also started sending me links to stuff tangentially related to things he knew I was interested in but in a really obvious way, e.g. if there had been an article in the newspaper he knew I read anyway, so I either wasn't interested or it was really obvious it was something I would have already seen. It was like he genuinely thought I didn't know how to use the internet! Very odd. Asked him to stop in the end and he had a massive strop about it.

Some amusing suggestions! But I agree with Babdoc, any kind of interaction will be taken as encouragement, so I'm just going to ignore.