Trans101 training at work

[MintTeaLady]

I have never posted here before, so please take it easy on me, I’m trying!

I’ve returned to work from maternity leave and I need to do a brain dump here and figure out what, if anything, I should do in response to what I have seen happen since I’ve been gone. I work for a large professional services firm.

The first thing is that the women’s network has been rebranded as the “gender balance network”. This is in the name of the goal of “inclusivity across all genders”. I asked a close colleague what happened and my pointed retort of “so they’ve removed the word woman” received a blank look. I don’t think I have a safe friend at work to discuss my concerns with.

I have noticed that some of the very senior staff have started to include pronouns in their email signatures, as have the new graduates.

Today all members of the “gender balance network” received an invite to training about transgender and non-binary inclusion and trans 101. This has pushed me over the edge so to speak - the women’s network is clearly no more.

I have quite big career progression plans and I am definitely nervous to rock the boat. I also really want to do something, anything really, to make a point.

I had considered replying to the invite to the trans101 training and asking for more information about who was running it as a starting point.

Are there any other neutral ways that you suggest I could ask more questions? I fear it’s too bold to ask outright about exactly how the women’s network become the gender balance network, but maybe I just need a push.

I'd tread carefully op. Companies are notorious for shoving returning women from maternity leave out the door and now they can claim it wasn't discrimination because look at all the great work they're doing for 'women'

'The first thing is that the women’s network has been rebranded as the “gender balance network”. This is in the name of the goal of “inclusivity across all genders”'

This happened at my work.

They were setting up a new women's network. They asked for volunteers and I volunteered. You had to say why you were interested.

So I said I've been active in feminism all my life, in the workplace things like maternity, menopause, pay gap and how the numbers of women up the levels just dropped off. That sort of thing.

I got a really odd note back- I mean work groups usually welcome volunteers. It could have said thanks but we've got enough people or something. I got a really odd thing like a rejection letter saying they had considered my application carefully but didn't feel I was a good fit!!??!!

Anyway when it launched it was the gender equality network (for all genders is including men, can't leave them out!) and the first meeting was really MN memorable for all the wrong reasons.

I wouldn't challenge it tbh. You'll just get labelled as difficult or something.

If you have time and opportunity the thing to do is join and try and push for some sense from the inside.

Not MN memorable.

Just memorable!

This doesn't directly answer your request OP but here's a long interview with a women working for a college in the US (not the UK) and what happened. It's very long but it does provide an example of how these things can play out.

Jodi Smith, formerly of Smith College. After speaking out publicly about the racially hostile work environment of her former employer, Smith College, Jodi continues to speak out about her experience with trainings and policies in the workplace that create a hostile environment. A life-long liberal and musical artist, Jodi is possessed by an unwavering belief in the individual humanity and uniqueness of each human being.

I don't bother to participate in any women's groups that are promoting trans training etc. There's no overlap with career progression for women, and I have no interest in listening to weird dogma about allyship. I don't have any interest at all. It's a good way of weeding out the useless groups. I would just stop participating.

If the direction it's taken doesn't interest you then that's fine.

Thank you for your replies. Gah! My DH is saying the same. I just want to be a bit of a rebel as the anger is bubbling away inside of me but I am already known as the outspoken one. My feedback before has been to practise keeping my face more neutral when I disapprove of something!

This is so depressing.

Tread very carefully. Especially if you have big plans for progression.

We still have a women's group at my place but TW are periodically invited to dominate proceedings. Memorably at one conference, instead of just introducing themselves like every other fucker on the panel, one burst into full song 🙄 clearly being on the panel wasn't enough attention and more was needed....

I spend a lot of time at work singing "sit down you're rockin' the boat!" to myself as a gentle reminder. It's surprisingly effective!!! But still suspect I'll be tipped over the edge at some point.

As someone who has worked in similar, my advice to you is to focus entirely on your own work if returning from maternity leave. Repeat platitudes such as - what great work, sorry I just haven’t time at the moment to get involved- and do what the men do and focus on work abs career progression. Sad to say that this is the right strategy. If you want to be a bit rebellious then the way to do it is to say things like - that’s all so great, now what are we doing for our disabled employees? About the race gap? About white working class boys? Let’s spread the attention to all the protected characteristics because who could argue with that?

It's a bit cringe really, the clueless senior staff trying to be cool in front of the new graduates with pronouns of all things. It won't be around for long. It's all a bit irrelevant.

Oh I have a terrible poker face too!!
when they talk TWAW it in meetings I tune out the noise and think of my (really cute) dog so i have a kind thoughtful look on my face rather than scowling frown face.

When the day comes and i am forced to add my pronouns....i will with a straight face announce my pronouns are he/him and i will identify as a heterosexual man married to my straight (bearded) wife... called Arthur.
Two can play and this bullshit game.

@MintTeaLady

Thank you for your replies. Gah! My DH is saying the same. I just want to be a bit of a rebel as the anger is bubbling away inside of me but I am already known as the outspoken one. My feedback before has been to practise keeping my face more neutral when I disapprove of something!

Yes. I'm regularly told I need to improve my 'poker face'.

What a load of fucking bollocks. I'm really sorry your firm has gone down this route.

I echo what others have said about women recently having returned from Mat leave though. I was basically replaced and my job disappeared. I had a good case but didn't fight it because I was feeling quite under confident and unsure of myself in those early days of return.

I digress. But what I'm saying is there is the option to move to another firm? Might not be better but depends how 'fighty' you are feeling.

Best of luck.

@LivingLaVidaCovid

Oh I have a terrible poker face too!! when they talk TWAW it in meetings I tune out the noise and think of my (really cute) dog so i have a kind thoughtful look on my face rather than scowling frown face.

When the day comes and i am forced to add my pronouns....i will with a straight face announce my pronouns are he/him and i will identify as a heterosexual man married to my straight (bearded) wife... called Arthur.
Two can play and this bullshit game.

Don't forget to demand a pay rise.

It's becoming so depressing that women are forced to advise each other "keep quiet, keep your head down, it's not safe for you to have a voice or opinion on this if you don't want to suffer as a result". We're back to bloody suffragette days where you could lose your job for standing up for women's rights. Any doubt that this is a men's rights movement is long since gone.

@DdraigGoch
Yes indeed!!! Can't wait for the bonus ££££ to roll in.
I also eagerly look forward to being praised for my assertiveness, decisiveness and leadership 😎 rather than being told I am "domineering" and "too aggressive" for being so audacious as to have both an opinion and a vagina.

Moving to a competitor firm isn’t an option right now for a few reasons - one being that I’ve just googled and they all seem to be on Stonewall’s list of top 100 employers.

Trying to change things from the inside could be an actual option if I follow one of the career options open to me now, but that is a bit scary! I don’t know if my poker face has improved any. I would love to do the deadpan announcement of he/him pronouns!

If you want a career tread carefully and play the game. Do the training, be 100% supportive, hide your views, stick to the book. Keep opinions to yourself. Your progression means sticking to the rules and that will affect your bank balance.

It's not about keeping quiet and keeping your head down.

In terms of the impact at a professional services firm what exactly are you angry about?

As I said earlier trans allyship training is irrelevant to women's careers. It's just "noise". Pronouns are not going to become mandatory and unless they turn all loos and showers at the office gender neutral nothing much is going to happen.

There's more to get angry about elsewhere.

for you OP, what a dreadful no-win situation to be in.

I'd avoid lying!! The dominoes are starting to fall, EHRC and ACAS have pulled out of stonewall. When the tide turns, you want to be able to say that you DIDN'T go along with the woke nonsense.

Would there be any chance for you to set up an alternative group? Call it the 'mothers group'. Resist forces trying to turn it into a parents group, say you want to talk about horrendously embarrassing medical things, episiotomy issues, milk expressing etc., so women would not want to talk about these things in front of men
Then start campaigning for women's rights... keep the men out of your loos etc

It's a bit weak as an idea I know, but you really are in a corner.

@Cleanandpress

It's not about keeping quiet and keeping your head down.

In terms of the impact at a professional services firm what exactly are you angry about?

As I said earlier trans allyship training is irrelevant to women's careers. It's just "noise". Pronouns are not going to become mandatory and unless they turn all loos and showers at the office gender neutral nothing much is going to happen.

There's more to get angry about elsewhere.

I’m angry that the space that was once for women to talk about furthering their careers is now pandering to other genders in order to be more inclusive.

I’m also angry that senior leadership who send lots of really great emails to thousands of people about other important things like race issues now include he/him in their signatures. That it sets a precedent that we should be doing so too. That there is no consideration for the disadvantages of doing so.

Mainly though, you’re right. There’s a lot more to be angry about and I am. I’m just pissed off that it’s encroaching on my work and I don’t feel like I have anyone there to talk to about it.

As I said, I’m known for being outspoken at work. I have been called many things at work for championing people issues and bringing them to the attention of the leadership team. I feel dismayed that I can’t go down the honest conversations route that I always do because this time, it genuinely might threaten my career.

I work in professional services in a big regional firm and have decided in advance this is the hill I am willing to die on if it comes to it. Also the outspoken one.

But that comes from being director level, 10 years on from maternity leave. Would I have been so brave 10 years ago? Probably not.

Could you look at a regional firm instead? There has been no ingress of this bullshit yet into my firm (£47m t/o size)

I'd join then doggedly stick to raising women's issues
E.g. any discrepancies in numbers of men vs women indicating women don't feel included in certain teams
Sexual harassment at work
Making sure meetings and workshops take into account that women might need more comfort breaks than men to change san pro
Recognising the potential for women to have imposter syndrome abd be getting gendered feedback about their personal style
The impact of domestic abuse on working women and how to recognise signs of it and support women at work who may be abused

@ShockOche

I work in professional services in a big regional firm and have decided in advance this is the hill I am willing to die on if it comes to it. Also the outspoken one.

But that comes from being director level, 10 years on from maternity leave. Would I have been so brave 10 years ago? Probably not.

Could you look at a regional firm instead? There has been no ingress of this bullshit yet into my firm (£47m t/o size)

Thank you. I am on the cusp of being director level. I’ve got a lot of buy-in from my leadership team and I know what I need to do to get there. I’ve had lots of support around the difficulties of having young children and balancing work life around home life.

I’m in a position where my clients are in a different region to where I live. I’ve had a lot of pre-Covid flexibility that a regional firm in my actual area would not offer.

As annoying as it is, I need the money this job gives me!

I’ve been secretly hoping someone else at my firm would see this post and recognise the content. I think I just don’t want to feel alone with my eye-rolling at what is happening.

With a view to poker faces - MS is currently researching a Teams feature that analyses engagement and emotions/reactions. I feel I'd be managed out very rapidly.

Hey Microsoft Research people who think that constant facial emotion analysis might not be a great thing (among others), what do you think of this proposed Teams feature published at CHI to spotlight videos of audience members with high affective ‘scores…

equires constantly pouring all face data on Teams through Azure APIs. Especially identifies head gestures and confusion to pull audience members out to the front, just in case you weren’t policing your face enough during meetings already.
…
Meanwhile yesterday (can’t make it up) Microsoft prez Brad Smith concerned about powerful entities able to watch you like 1984, that technology might be racing ahead.
…
Usually I think that Microsoft Research is far far away from product in Microsoft, and often that is true. However Teams seems closer. The overlapping team that wrote this paper also designed Together Mode for teams, which was rapidly deployed last year.

twitter.com/mikarv/status/1397803182605180929

embarassing I work with plenty of men who "leak" through their body language and I don't think they get the same feedback.

As I get older I'm just starting to see it as another version of "know your place". Making women just feel vaguely insecure about how they look, how others perceive them, so they keep quiet OR can be blamed for not towing the line