Page 2 | He/Him

Stealhsquirrelnutkin · 05/05/2021 17:37

I too parse he/him as patriarchal territorial pissing.
Whereas she/her comes across as "Do it to Julia!"
I do find they/them to be very useful, signifying as it does a clear indication that we are never going to be compatible, and should avoid each other.

Original poster

Tibtom · 05/05/2021 17:45

This person was senior and if was notable that all the senior roles were filled by men.

OP posts:

Ereshkigalangcleg · 05/05/2021 17:57

Whereas she/her comes across as "Do it to Julia!"

Oh yes.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 05/05/2021 18:02

I identify as a man hating witch. Should I put this in my email signature?

Fee/fi/fo/fum

BlackAlys · 05/05/2021 18:41

A colleague at my school has suggested that we all do it.

Not me, thanks very much.

I've also been told of a group of Year 7's who are asking all their teachers what their pronouns are. I teach one of the children so am waiting for the question.

Any ideas how to answer them without flagging myself up as the anti Christ?

EndoplasmicReticulum · 05/05/2021 18:52

If you're a teacher your pronoun will be "miss".

Male equivalent "sir".

Always annoyed me.

umbel · 05/05/2021 18:54

Someone I respect hugely at work, who strongly supports women in a field where it is hard to get ahead, has just done this. I’m so disappointed. I really want to try and have a conversation with her about this, but I am scared it would break things between us. I’m still holding out hope that it’s a thoughtless gesture of ‘kindness’.

umbel · 05/05/2021 19:03

(And I now see I totally missed the point of this thread )

Yes, territorial pissing for some, that’s for sure.

NiceGerbil · 05/05/2021 19:11

The only person I have seen do it is a blokey man bloke with a blokes name.

In his case he obviously had a very inspiring talk about it because if anything related comes up he puts on a serious face and talks about how important pronouns are even if it's a bit off topic.

In his case I am sure he's genuinely trying to be nice.

I do get the I Am A Man statement thing though tbh and yes agree.

IvyTwines2 · 05/05/2021 19:29

@BlackAlys

A colleague at my school has suggested that we all do it.

Not me, thanks very much.

I've also been told of a group of Year 7's who are asking all their teachers what their pronouns are. I teach one of the children so am waiting for the question.

Any ideas how to answer them without flagging myself up as the anti Christ?

It's really inappropriate, totally irrelevant and crosses a boundary - it's a school, not a dating site.

Floisme · 05/05/2021 19:32

Any ideas how to answer them without flagging myself up as the anti Christ?
Maybe tell them that, for some people, gender identity is highly personal, like religion or sexual orientation, and that it's extremely rude to press someone to reveal it if they don't wish to.

That's what I'm going to say if I'm badgered - so far ignoring it has worked fine.

newnortherner111 · 05/05/2021 21:07

If they are a person with a name that is unusual in this country I am OK with it. However, as with anyone, it should never be obligatory to do so.

Original poster

Tibtom · 05/05/2021 21:19

@newnortherner111

If they are a person with a name that is unusual in this country I am OK with it. However, as with anyone, it should never be obligatory to do so.

So just in case they mistakenly treat them as a woman it should be made clear that they are, in fact, men and treated with due deference.

OP posts:

feelinggeriatric · 05/05/2021 21:21

My workplace do it but occasionally I'm surprised by noticing someone who doesn't! I have never been asked and would just say I don't care what pronoun is used if someone did ask me . Winds me up on a daily basis though and I hope one day this trend fucks off to the far side of the world .

AlwaysTawnyOwl · 05/05/2021 21:24

Re-enforcing the fact that you are male is known to make people react with more respect towards you. It's obvious if someone is male so why do you need to put in he/him? I've only seen this once - in a Zoom meeting where one person out of 50 had their pronouns in their name. I'd be tempted to put in he/him although I'm obviously female because it's a matter of self-identity right? So no-one can challenge me....

OllyBJolly · 05/05/2021 21:27

Hee/Haw

Love it @Findwen . I'm minded to use that.

disposableusername274 · 05/05/2021 21:33

@Findwen

Hee/haw

Magnificent

FlyPassed · 05/05/2021 21:36

@BlackAlys I would tell them it's considered rude to refer to people by 3rd person pronouns in their presence. The polite thing to do is address the person by name or 'you'

NiceGerbil · 05/05/2021 22:32

I'd feel way happier with using they/ them all the time tbh. Which is already in use generally when you don't know someone's sex. And in content that historically was sexist. It's the norm in my industry and I would have no problem with it.
EG used to be things like. The PA gives the report to her manager and he logs it. Is now the PA gives the report to their manager who logs it.

I know that's not what's wanted at all though. Which is interesting.

NiceGerbil · 05/05/2021 22:37

I always say on these threads as well that the practical implications are never addressed.

Say you work in a multinational org with 1000s of employees. You have phone conferences with people you've never met all the time. Cameras are not usually on.

Do you need to look up everyone's pronouns before it? Do you need to have a reminder to all before the meet to check them? What about people in countries who have never heard of this, do you have to explain? Where is the time for all of this?

I have enough trouble remembering names let alone anything else!

And it could well come up... Is X supposed to be joining us does anyone know if (she/ he/ they/ ze) are coming? And they pipe up and say yes I'm here sorry got held up...

How does this all work in real life? The examples are always when people know each other, work together etc.

Bergamotte · 05/05/2021 23:22

Fromage

It's so weird to put he/him for a start. Who the hell is a he/her or a she/him?

You might know that "he" and "him" go together, but what if someone's pronouns were ze/zir? Or bink/bonk? Or fae/fae? Or one of the scores of other neopronouns? Or a special, personal set they have made up themself?
If they only wrote "ze" some people might not know that that means they use "zir" in the parts of sentences where others might use "her" or "him."
So really they're doing you the massive favour of helping you avoid committing literal violence!

(sarcasm)

MissBarbary · 05/05/2021 23:26

@Tibtom

First time I have had someone reply with this after their name. I know the whole pronouns business so perhaps it is a surprise it has taken until now. But the thing that struck me is it is not a neutral statement; it comes across as a stamp of authority/control. We live in a sexist society where is it acknowledged additional supports need to be in place for women. Yet here we are in a situation where men proclaim their status in their emails. "I am male, I am from the oppressor class, I am your lord and master"

Is this just me?

It just says "prat" to me. It would not remotely occur to me to read it the way you have.

MissBarbary · 05/05/2021 23:32

@AssassinatedBeauty

The point is, that when done by men, it feels like territorial pissing...

I really don't get this. I've never actually seen it anywhere apart from Twitter- never in work emails- but regardless of whether it's a man, woman or whatever I just think "sanctimonious prat"

NiceGerbil · 06/05/2021 00:13

In s sexist org with a huge pay gap it would seem to me to be a bit... Yeah. What the OP said.

stackthecats · 06/05/2021 01:04

It's interesting to me to compare the research on 'stereotype threat' which suggests that girls/women do worse in situations where they are explicitly reminded of their sex in relation to others (tests, etc.). If that's true, putting one's pronouns everywhere and seeing "he/him" every time you have an email exchange with a colleague could be potentially very bad for women.