“You’re a feminist? So you hate men?”

[Lessthanaballpark]

Imagine that you’re just chatting with friends, someone pegs that you’re a feminist and says this? What would you say?

This happens a fair bit as I work with lots of men who are generally lovely but a bit on the backlashy side. The “I’m all for equality but it’s gone too far” side. You know the type I mean

How would you respond? Without killing the mood of the nice conversation. I usually just laugh and say “X, you’ve known me years and you know I love all of you losers”

But I get a bit fed up because it’s such a wilful misinterpretation and I want something witty but articulate...

I wasn't going to post because I am a bloke. From my take on feminism, it is a logical progression from the original suffrage movement. It exists to make life better for women, to highlight disadvantages which still exist in the modern era. There will be some women (not just feminists) who have every right to hate men, because of how they have suffered at the hands of men. The establishment, judiciary system are still largely run by men, that has to change.

I feel like there’s always been backlash, it’s just changed nature.

Yes, there has. The backlash has always been there. It's just less well managed, I think. Look, I'm being totally subjective here...I have no numbers to go on. But I recall the 1970s very well, and the left was marked by shouty, misogynist men then just as much as now. They may be more prominent now than they were in the 90s, but they have always been there. Left wing "blokiness" has always been a thing. What has changed is that the meritocratic Tories seem to have a higher profile than the old school traditional types.

Hmmm. Ignore that last post. I've gone off track. I am talking about something else. Sorry.

Just no need to apologise!

As long as I can remember there’s always been this sense amongst men (and society in general) that “true” feminism was ok but things have gone too far or that if women want equal rights they also need to take responsibility.

But I suspect there’s never actually been a time when men said “yes this level of feminism is about right”.

@Lessthanaballpark, yes. Feminism is fine as long as it doesn't mean men have to observe boundaries, or change the way they do things. That's going too far!

But seriously, I think a lot of the backlash I've seen is based on an misapprehension that the aim of feminism is to stop men being men, to stop men doing things. And also, to stop other women doing "girly" things. I remember asking a young woman (mid 20s) at work why she wasn't a feminist (it came up in conversation), and she answered "Because women are allowed to like what they like, and want what they want, and I won't be told." Which, when you think about it, is a quite extraordinary perspective!

It’s trolling. I used to bite. Now I just say, what an odd thing to say. Then move on. If I can’t keep my mouth shut I end up saying you think equality for women is women hating men? So that means you think men hate women? Huh. And move on.

"Because women are allowed to like what they like, and want what they want, and I won't be told." Which, when you think about it, is a quite extraordinary perspective!

I know. I’ve heard this kind of sentiment so many times - as if feminists are trying to limit the choices of men and women rather than broaden them. It’s infuriating.

I used to be part of a campaign which aimed to stop the ridiculous pink girl/blue boy divide in toys and in general my friends were very supportive but one night out a male friend (who had known me for years) mentioned the campaign and said in all seriousness “you want to stop boys playing with trucks don’t you?” I was so struck (and hurt) by the idea that he thought I was the kind of person to stop a kid doing anything!

Drives me nuts. And sometimes I think I’m just too old for this shit!

Or you could just quote Alice Walker "Why any woman give a shit what people think is a mystery to me"

I always say, ‘why does it not surprise me that men think feminism is about them’

And then go and talk to someone who isn’t an idiot.

“Increasingly”

@Carrotsoupispoo

I always say, ‘why does it not surprise me that men think feminism is about them’

And then go and talk to someone who isn’t an idiot.

I'm going to use this in future! It's more sophisticated than my usual 'not all of them'

You mean you are not a feminist? You don’t think women deserve equality?

Said with incredulity. I don’t think your audience will debate liberation versus equality.

@Carrotsoupispoo

I always say, ‘why does it not surprise me that men think feminism is about them’

And then go and talk to someone who isn’t an idiot.

Love that!