Polyamory

[HelpMeRhondaYeah]

So Willow Smith says she's polyamorous.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-56852099

My first thought about these labels is that they always seem driven by males. But in this case, I wondered whether possibly polyamory actually does benefit women more... evolutionarily, this isn't ideal for men in all ways - they can't know a child is going to be theirs (so allocate resources accordingly). Also, it's women, not men, who get more sexually bored by monogamy. I'm sure this has been covered before, but I'd be interested to hear people's thoughts.

@Deadringer

I find it hard enough to find even one man worth shagging tbh.

same!

I think it's best summed up in a Yorkshire accent. Although I would apply the definition to pansexual. But I'm not going to be picky.

twitter.com/den_jw/status/1388407670185598976?s=21

A family member did what I suppose is an old-fashioned version of this - he basically had two families and two households. It wasn't completely open though at first - I would say it started as an 'affair' and he didn't want to give up either woman. My impression was that it was mostly great for him - apart from maybe small issues like stuff he needed being in the wrong house and the effort of moving between the two. I don't think it was so great for the partners and kids - they didn't really like sharing. And of course they were raising families without the full-time support of their partner. He wanted big family events with everyone present while others found it all rather awkward. The funeral was ...interesting.

[quote FannyCann]I think it's best summed up in a Yorkshire accent. Although I would apply the definition to pansexual. But I'm not going to be picky.

twitter.com/den_jw/status/1388407670185598976?s=21[/quote]
Do we have to go back to stereotypes? Eg the suggestion that being poly is just about shagging lots of people and that if men are poly they're just using it as an excuse to cheat. It's an alternative approach to relationships. It works for some people. I find a lot of people make negative, dismissive comments about poly without even considering that.

accessorizequeen
I'm sure some people are legitimately poly, but it would be naive in the extreme not to expect that those who want to have their cake and eat it will rebrand themselves as 'poly' in order to get away with it.

@Novelusername

accessorizequeen I'm sure some people are legitimately poly, but it would be naive in the extreme not to expect that those who want to have their cake and eat it will rebrand themselves as 'poly' in order to get away with it.

I don't deny that. But that's not how the comments read. The comments are dismissive as poly - typifying it as always being about people cheating and trying to shag as many people as possible. And the opposite is true of anyone who is genuinely poly. Honesty and openness are of huge importance. Interestingly all of the poly people I know are also kinky, where honesty and open communication is also essential.

accessorizequeen
With respect, I think a lot of people couldn't care less how 'kinky' people who are 'poly' are, but my god don't they go on about themselves. Guess what I like? Younger men (plural, not interested in a relationship) with big cocks, preferably with a slight bend in them, that I can have casual sex with and the occasional meal, but not alcohol or Netflix because I don't drink or watch a lot of telly. Do I need a label for that? A philosophy behind it? Do I need it to be announced on Newsbeat? No, because it's not of much interest to anyone else. No-one cares, sick of people trying to make labels into their whole personality and ramming it down other people's throats as though conformity to this subcategory makes them in any way interesting - poly, vegan, trans, whatever. No-one cares.

@Novelusername

accessorizequeen With respect, I think a lot of people couldn't care less how 'kinky' people who are 'poly' are, but my god don't they go on about themselves. Guess what I like? Younger men (plural, not interested in a relationship) with big cocks, preferably with a slight bend in them, that I can have casual sex with and the occasional meal, but not alcohol or Netflix because I don't drink or watch a lot of telly. Do I need a label for that? A philosophy behind it? Do I need it to be announced on Newsbeat? No, because it's not of much interest to anyone else. No-one cares, sick of people trying to make labels into their whole personality and ramming it down other people's throats as though conformity to this subcategory makes them in any way interesting - poly, vegan, trans, whatever. No-one cares.

Well I am on board with your taste in men! I agree. Yep people can get precious about it all. I've only one poly friend I am interested in hearing talk about it because he's not up his own arse. I like considering different views of sexuality and monogamy but I don't think it's needed as headline news! I saw the news and just thought "whatever" tbf. It's the judgment of anything alternative which tends to rile me.

What happened to just getting laid?!?! Can't think of anything more than a turn off than having to have a big long politically correct philosophical talk about 'boundaries' before getting down to it. I don't want 'honesty and open communication' just someone with a good sense of humour and big schlong.

Sorry, it's clearly been a long lockdown🤣

@Novelusername

What happened to just getting laid?!?! Can't think of anything more than a turn off than having to have a big long politically correct philosophical talk about 'boundaries' before getting down to it. I don't want 'honesty and open communication' just someone with a good sense of humour and big schlong.

It's still illegal isn't it?

accessorizequeen it might as well be! 😭🤣

@Novelusername

accessorizequeen it might as well be! 😭🤣

I genuinely think it is still illegal unless they are your bubble! My sister is my bubble, so technically I shouldn't be having it away with a lovely Irishman.

Well I am in love with two men, and don't know what to do about it.
It wasn't that I decided on living an 'alternative lifestyle', I didn't plan for it to happen.
I can't talk about it with anyone IRL and I wonder if anyone knows of a place I can go for impartial and non-judgemental advice??

@FreshlyWashedLinen

Well I am in love with two men, and don't know what to do about it. It wasn't that I decided on living an 'alternative lifestyle', I didn't plan for it to happen. I can't talk about it with anyone IRL and I wonder if anyone knows of a place I can go for impartial and non-judgemental advice??

You might be better asking for advice on the relationships board.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships

@FreshlyWashedLinen

Well I am in love with two men, and don't know what to do about it. It wasn't that I decided on living an 'alternative lifestyle', I didn't plan for it to happen. I can't talk about it with anyone IRL and I wonder if anyone knows of a place I can go for impartial and non-judgemental advice??

Facebook is quite good for poly groups. Try searching for polyamory or relationship anarchy. They're usually private and are good at keeping things private. I'd also recommend 'Stepping off the Relationship Escalator' book by Amy Gahran. It's got a lot of detail and info about the many different ways people do non traditional relationships.

Thank you x

Willow Smith has been raised by culties and crazies.

Google Will Smith Scientology

or Willow Smith Scientology school.

I feel sorry for she and Jaden, both are being used as...well, psy-ops/cannon fodder in this weird cultural war.

I was never a huge Will Smith fan, but I don't really want to see any more of his movies and I hope his kids get to experience life outside of the spotlight of being movie star's mini mes.

I really can't be arsed with the hassle of one man, never mind multiple men! I honestly don't see why it needs to be announced though. Perhaps a celebrity in an established relationship in the public eye might need to say they're polyamorous in order to avoid speculation they're cheating, but I really don't think I need to hear about Willow Smith "coming out" as poly.

Why do episode need to ‘come out’ anyway? Column inches maybe? New film/album/book coming out?

Is she actually in poly relationships anyway, or is it all theoretical? I mean, in theory I have a harem of young stud muffins and that's my sexuality. I'd feel a bit of a twat announcing this theoretical sexuality on Newsbeat, though.

Are you still poly if you are one of those who is just in a relationship with one of the people on your... er... group? I assume there is generally one person who is ‘central’ who is having a ‘romantic relationship’ with everyone else.

Talk about reinventing the wheel, eh? All those young polyamorous people thinking they're doing it differently and better, oblivious to the fact that many of their parents and grandparents (particularly those growing up in the late 50s onwards) led wilder lives than they'll ever do. Negotiated non-monogamous relationships were fairly common among lesbians in the 70s and 80s and I know several women who are still in them.

When I first started work in the early 80s I shared an office with a fabulous woman 20 years older than me who'd been a model and lived in a hippy commune and in a non-monogamous relationship with someone who was famous at the time. She told some pretty graphic stories of what happened to women as a result of free love and the pill.

What strikes me as really reactionary about polyamory is the idea of romantic relationships. That would be really radical, wouldn't it — ridding ourselves of all concept of romance and embracing the hormonal and psycho-sexual reality of sex and affection without having to describe it as romantic.

They invented sex don’t you know?