Skirt length responses

[Newq]

Dd12 knows a girl age 11 whose skirts have to fall below the knee. She found this odd.

I tried to explain and probably did a crap job.

I know this sort of thing is going to come up again one day and don't want to mess up a second time so please help me what do I say in something of an age appropriate way that isn't going to immediately make her horribly self conscious?

I'd see this as fairly straightforward.

The people making the rule are trying to avoid clothing that purposefully sexualises girls as they don't want the child (their daughter?) to learn to value her own body in terms of that kind of thinking. Though not a perfect guide, length of skirt is a not bad general rule for avoiding skirts meant to do that. Sometimes people like to have fairly simple rules about such things in order to create a little clarity and objectivity in the process - that way it doesn't seem like certain things are being disallowed on a whim and the child will easily be able to tell what kinds of things to avoid.

@BuffyTheSlavishIdeologySlayer

I actually lived in a Muslim country. I don't think it is anti feminist to support Muslim women, whether they wear the hijab or not. Many wear it due to social and cultural pressure. Acknowledging that some women wear religious dress doesn't make you anti feminist. My own personal feelings are that it's cultural rather than religious, however that doesn't mean I am going to campaign against it, as that's more likely to impact women than the culture enforcing it. You have to pick your battles if you live in a deeply misogynistic culture.

To me the main thing is that every culture has lines around appropriate dress, and where they draw them is not so important in itself. In our culture we tend to cover the breasts of women, in another hair might be covered, in another place with a different history and climate, maybe there is no need to cover the breasts. But none of these is really about a kind of overt sexualising of the body.

On the other hand, dress can in some cases be about that, whether it is encasing women entirely in clothing to protect men from seeing them and being tempted, or displaying women as sexual objects which is the form this thinking takes in the west. Both are bad.

Indeed, although it's hard to separate modesty, practicality and objectifying as they often overlap or influence eachother.

@Newq

It's not because of religion, nor school rules, nor is it the girls choice. She's just going along with her mum's rules, for now. A mum who had her very young. So I'm making assumptions and linking this to her perhaps not wanting history to repeat itself. Re the headscarf I wasn't going to assume the question was about religion. That I personally deal with by a this is what some people believe and thankfully we live somewhere we have freedom of belief angle. Maybe I should do the same here, but what is the belief?

Is it precisely what @wonderstuff says ie 'Reality is we are still obsessed about girls dress and how appropriate or modest it is, largely because of male reactions to it.'

And therein lies the problem. I wake her up to the reality of the male gaze, which she is happily oblivious to right now.

Jesus Christ on a bike! PLEASE don't suggest to your daughter that her friend's young mother might not want "history to repeat itself". As a young mum myself I can't think of anything worse for my DD to have heard when she was 12 🤯

@CassandraCursed

Indeed, although it's hard to separate modesty, practicality and objectifying as they often overlap or influence eachother.

Yes, I think that is inevitably the case to some extent.