Male friend's opposing attitude towards women is troubling

[Rae34]

I posted recently on a main board about this male friend in his mid 20s & someone suggested I try this board instead. Of late, the friendship has started to bother me as he contacts me too often & contacts me again when I dont reply. It can be emotionally taxing.

But what I am really bothered about is the person I know day to day and the draft scripts he is sending me (we are both writers)

• I'm part of a feminist organisation giving a platform to women (especially women who have been de platformed for no good reason of late). He has attended some of these online events we have hosted, one of the only men to do so of late. We have decent conversations in person.

• however he has started sending me scripts he is writing. He is always arrogant about it & never asks for feedback, just tells me to 'enjoy' them.

Well I am not enjoying them. I was quite shocked to find the portrayal of the female characters quite sexist. The women are promiscuous & unfeeling. The newest script idea sounds like a porn film with a title that reduces women to their body. I told him frankly that I didnt like the idea.

I am struggling with the person I have known day to day and the person who sits up late at night hammering out scripts about women like this.

It is setting off my creepometer big time although I have known him for 6 years and not had any major issues before. Can I approach this in any way or is this a sign that he isnt the friend he appears to be?

@justawoman

Stop giving him headspace. You’re spending far too much time thinking about this tosser.

THIS!

Clearly he hates you and is sending you these scripts knowing full well how much they will upset you, which they are. He's a misogynist who enjoys torturing you. Get rid of him before things escalate.

We are likely to cross paths at some point once lockdown ends and work in the same industry. Therefore I will just continue the slow fade & be civil in person. He may well confront me about why I have cooled off at some point. I would rather not have to have that conversation.

Just listen to yourself. He's a creep, and he intimidates you.
You owe him nothing.
If he has any power over your career, choose a different route.

For your own safety.

What have you said to him about his scripts?

I'm not sure from the posts that you have said anything but I think you should. I would have thought that the main reason to send scripts to others is to get feedback in them, and if he knows you're a feminist then perhaps he sees it as tacit approval if you haven't mentioned it?

Please do let him know, for the sake of us all. We don't want his sexist drivel coming to tv!

Thanks @JoodyBlue for the Benjamin Boyce/JCJ link upthread. An interesting listen, not least to hear BB airing some of his biases and exploring them with JCJ.

He's pushing your boundaries in a variety of different ways. One of these is the far-too frequent contact, and the way he carries on haranguing you if you don't reply quickly enough for his liking.

One line crossed. Constantly sending you scripts to read, demanding a large amount of your time and attention (even if the women characters were as benign as you please), crosses line number 2.

Thirdly, the women characters are not benign, but misogynistic representations and seem to be getting worse if he's escalating into pornographic territory. He knows your views, and that very definitely crosses big fat red line number 3.

A PP said he knows exactly what he's doing, and I concur. He knows he's making you uncomfortable. It's not too much of a stretch to assume he actively likes it. (Pulsating, neon-red line with flashing red lights and bells on it for this one).

Block this creep without explanation. Ugh.

I was once asked to read a script like this and made the mistake of telling the author how misogynistic it was, and how he was alienating female readers with his depictions of women. He raged at me. Ranted and ranted. Never had a reaction like it. I think he'd assumed my role was to be a sweet woman who told the big man what a genius he was. Pathetic.

I have never read any fiction written by a friend and been glad I did. People write appalling stuff and you can't unsee it.

Only exception, kids and immediate family, a bunch of literary geniuses! I'm possibly biased though.