Can we have a thread about men who DO get this?

[ShoppingWomble]

So frustrated with the male half of humanity this week - all the NAMALTing and "more men get murdered than women" and "well, you wouldn't wear an expensive watch in a rough area" crap (thanks Trigger boys).

I know this is centring men on the feminism page but can we please find some decent guys who are trying to help and not just laugh at women before I have to go and live on an all-female island somewhere?

Glinner obvs. Any more?

James Dreyfus

Some men sort of get it, or at least get that they don't fully get it. This sort of thing from Hugo Rifkind

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/how-should-men-behave-in-age-of-metoo-bdxzmq80t?shareToken=52f839fbde6202d07ab06b73031ecc18

I worry that a list will be used to attack them and drive them off social media.
Mumsnet is monitored, after all - and what better example of misogyny than a group of arrogant activists thinking they have the right to police us?!

My 80 year old dad gets it. We were having a long conversation about it last night and he was saying things like 'stop focusing and policing women's behaviour and start policing men!'

He's always been a feminist.

I don't think anything will change.
In Victorian times and way before women who had money took a maid , read friend today out with them.
We spent years telling our children to call us for a lift home. Not to walk down a dark street .
My parents a generation before, didn't like me out passed dark, unless with an escort, boyfriend or a group of my girlfriends. Last pair home either lived nearby or your dad would walk your friend home.
Nothing has changed, we just hear about it more.

Yes James Dreyfus is lovely. And more gay men seem to be talking about some of this now which is good. I was hoping more straight men would get it though, as how men and women interact concerns them more in a way.

Hugo Rifkind article was great, thanks. Seems like he's spent some time thinking about all this. A few hilariously grumpy comments below article about how great Jordan P is, proving what Rifkind said about "many of them now treat the mildest criticism of him as existential assault."

Tanith - yes maybe you are right, I don't want to cause trouble for men who are trying to help. How crazy is it though, that just standing up for women makes you a target for other men? Maybe that is the real problem with all of this. Makes me sad.

My DH does. Not to be all "not my Nigel", but I thought I'd share as he's a relatively young (30ish) and a teacher, he disagreed with some female colleagues at his school about them just wanting to beee kiiind and let TW in women's sports, he pointed out he'd be representing GB internationally if he competed as a woman. He challenges his woke beardy mates too and sent them the JKR essay last year and then insisted they discuss it with him, haha.

My best mate at work does, too. He's in quite an influential position in an important sector and he's the low key alternative to my big gob approach!

DH gets it. He's a fairly sensitive soul who had always had a touch of feminism in him, pushed forward by me .

He's not an FHM lads lad, and firmly believes in equality. He's fab and has been very upset about the last few days events.

My partner gets it, he hears about it every morning, when we have our cuppa 🤭🤣🤣🤣

My DH says he gets it but I don't think he truly does or he'd be raging, as I am.

My DH gets it too. I think it's actually made him quite sad. He's reflected on his own behaviour and we had a conversation after all the #metoo stuff was happening and I asked him if he'd ever made a woman feel uncomfortable or obligated and he rather uncomfortably said he probably had.
He has both sons and daughters, but sees that he worries more about the girls safety than his son.
He's querying with the Labour party (he's a member) why they've assumed his gender when he supplied them with his sex. I think sport was when the penny started to really drop about the inequalities.
Once you start seeing it, you can't unsee it.

There's someone I follow on Facebook and Twitter called "Another Angry Voice"
He actually used to post here on the MN "Politics" board, but got banned for promoting his own blog. I won't share his real identity, most people have never heard of him but he has a solid following.

He completely gets it.

Rubble of Empires

King Critical

Benjamin Boyce

Wings Over Scotland

wingsoverscotland.com/category/transcult/

I just had to laugh, my male friend gets being careful about frightening people when they are out of their comfort zone, but his Trans comment had me roaring with laughter.
You just had your tea and dessert comes out, pie with ice cream and whipped cream and sprinkles, you take a spoonful and it's steak and kidney.

Colin Wright

colinwright.substack.com/p/debunking-the-aclus-4-myths-about?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&utm_source=copy

Zach Elliott

Ooh thanks all! Good to hear of so many partners who do understand - it gives me some hope! Was feeling so down about this. My Nigel does get it but is guilty of mansplaining sometimes!

Thanks also for the links - I will check them out!

When I first moved to a city, in my early twenties, I walked home late one night. The walk skirted some rough areas and a street with numerous brothels. This very drunk man came up to me and would not stop hassling me. This other man (locally well known big issue seller) came up to the man hassling me and said "can you lend me 10p for a pint of milk" over and over till the guy went away. Then he told me he was going to follow me home so the guy didn't come back but at a distance so I didn't feel I had to talk to him, or worry about what might happen.

He got it.

I also remember the bloke everyone was scared off, once stopping me at the end of the street, saying please trust me and hold my hand.
I walked with him past a group of ten boys drunk in a garage, all looking in shock as we walked past. At the end of the road he squeezed my hand said have a nice day, but please avoid this area it's not safe.

My DH gets it, on a very deep level.

He also got the full horror of the gender bollocks long before I did.

I don't think any men totally get it. I'm not having a pop here - how can they get it? It would be like me claiming I get what it's like to be black.

I think there are decent men who listen and who take it seriously. I'd include James Kirkup, Jonny Best and Tom Farr. The last two have posted here in the past so I assume they're ok about being named. And James Kirkup has regularly acknowledged that he doesn't get a fraction of the grief that women do.

Oh of course not. He can’t ever get it in the way I or any other woman can.

But he gets it to the core of his person, and that’s good enough for me.

My male DP 'gets it' and is a great ally. He calls out other men's behaviour, challenges misogyny and discusses issues with his male friends. I'm so proud of him for that, especially when I see so many other men (on the left) staying silent or engaging in anti-women rhetoric.

Obviously he doesn't have the lived experience of being female, but he absolutely recognises this means he should listen to and support women when we talk about our reality. Sadly it's also really opened his eyes to how many of his friends are part of the problem.