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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Where are kids learning about gender and sexuality?

54 replies

Strikemepink · 09/03/2021 08:06

I’m aware of a child who turned 13 just over a month ago who didn’t have Facebook / Reddit etc until 13, but are clearly involved in TRA stuff (using that language, trans and other sexuality flags etc)

It’s entirely possible they were reading but not engaging online previously but where would they gain access to this info otherwise? What upsets me most is the apparent support from their parents. Surely this is a safeguarding issue? 13 year olds talking sex and gender with god knows who online.

I don’t know why I’m posting, I’m just frustrated with it and want to protect this young person but I don’t think any message from me to the parent would be well received.

These poor kids.

OP posts:
WootMoggie · 09/03/2021 09:22

YouTube

Liquorishtoffee · 09/03/2021 09:27

The Metro

DS (about 7 after reading a copy on the train) ‘mum?’
Me - ‘Yes’
DS - ‘Were you always a girl?
Me - .........

EndoplasmicReticulum · 09/03/2021 09:29

School?

Thingybob · 09/03/2021 09:30

School through either PSHE or rainbow lanyard wearing teachers spreading the message that it is possible to choose ones sex/gender

A child's peers saying the same thing

Wandawomble · 09/03/2021 09:33

Kids radicalise each other - it’s all terribly appealing. There’s a flag they can buy and they can go to Pride and they can message each other about how oppressed they are. There’s a lovely girl who is a friend of my daughters who constantly is saying to her friends in a “helpful” way “if there’s anything you want to talk about to do with LGBTQ, I’m here...” she’s asked my daughter three times if she wants to “talk” - she genuinely thinks she is being helpful but I’m amazed that in this girl’s friend group, 8 of them are all presenting as queer despite none of them ever having kissed anyone.

Erkrie · 09/03/2021 09:36

School and tiktok.

Thingybob · 09/03/2021 09:37

Doesn't every school also have some trans pupils?

The message all other pupils get from seeing those in authority affirm those kids in their chosen gender is that it is possible to change from one sex to the other.

Helleofabore · 09/03/2021 09:40

Group chats. They share posts for all to read and the vids work without having to have the app for tiktok.

My teen is always telling me they have seen a tiktok on this or that. But they are not on it and only uses Instagram and youtube. The rest is from group chats when friends become SJWs.

SingToTheSky · 09/03/2021 09:41

For mine it was tiktok I think. I deeply regret letting her have it. It was all just silly dances at first, and she loved all the Kpop stuff. And I presume YouTube as well.

I’m not really sure what switched her onto it initially though. She was home educated for a few years and then went back to school, so she has a wide variety of friends and I’m not sure if it was more from school or from home ed friends IYSWIM. She has friends in all groups who are questioning their gender now. There is a girl at school who she met as a boy, and her girlfriend’s best friend is too.

DD1 did briefly question her gender too but we had a big conversation about identity and why being a girl has been really hard for her especially since going back to school (horrible experience with a boy) - thankfully that helped but it was in conjunction with putting time limits on tiktok and YouTube. She’s back to her old self. She’s still quite woke though and I’m curious (in a nervous way) what will happen when school is up and running properly.

Helleofabore · 09/03/2021 09:42

And following on from thingy, yes from friends at school (including those in the group chats). A very large proportion of girls in my daughters group are trans identifying and very aggressive with it.

badpuma · 09/03/2021 09:45

School, Instagram, YA fiction. My 13 yo DD writes fanfic as a hobby with her friends and they have regular discussions about whether they have to have a token straight character.

It's a big thing for Shadowhunters fans apparently.

DD came out to me as straight a while ago asking if she should pretend to be bi as most people were but she didn't think she fancied girls much.

Liquorishtoffee · 09/03/2021 09:46

When I was a schoolgirl anorexia and goths were the thing. In my (big) sisters year it was cutting and other self harm.

SingToTheSky · 09/03/2021 09:47

And yes, group chats “help” for sure. DD1 and her friends have all been trying out different pronouns and names.

We talked about how at a time when there is nothing really to identify us in the real world - no school (hers barely even did live lessons so learning was all solitary) and hanging out with friends, no dancing or cadets, no showing off your new hair/outfits etc other than the odd photo. So it’s understandable that they are all latching onto something that marks them out as different (or indeed as one of the new crowd, but I didn’t say that bit...) that CAN be visible online.

So in a way I’m hopeful that once school is back to normal, they’ve all got their clubs and social life etc back, it will ease off a bit. But I’m also worried that being all together again (and quite possibly some of the kids will be coming back with new identities...) will make it worse too

SingToTheSky · 09/03/2021 09:51

@Liquorishtoffee

When I was a schoolgirl anorexia and goths were the thing. In my (big) sisters year it was cutting and other self harm.
DD1’s school had this just before, and during the first lockdown. It was stressful (especially as she knows I have self harmed due to scarring - although at least it opened up a conversation about it).

When I pointed this out to her - that a year ago everyone felt SH was the answer to their struggles (whether they actually did it or not). It did help, as she could see how the gender identity thing is just people trying to find another answer. So at least some good things came out of that time.

Thingybob · 09/03/2021 09:56

@Liquorishtoffee

When I was a schoolgirl anorexia and goths were the thing. In my (big) sisters year it was cutting and other self harm.
Carrying on from that and the way all crazes have a shelf life, has anyone seen any signs that rainbow culture is starting to burn out? If it is I'd imagine it will happen first in areas like Brighton were it originally took off.
Original poster
Strikemepink · 09/03/2021 10:36

My own DD is very nearly 10, I am terrified of the time coming when she will be exposed to all this. I’m not sure they talk about it yet and she doesn’t have a wide social circle so don’t think they discuss it yet thankfully.

Thank you for the comments above, it’s good to have some ideas on how to discuss it when it does happen as I don’t think the trend will be gone by the time she starts secondary school.

OP posts:
Liquorishtoffee · 09/03/2021 10:37

When I was ten it was all Grease, Debbie Harry and clackers...

SingToTheSky · 09/03/2021 10:38

I just really hope that it burns out soon. I think the pandemic has given it a channel to grow much quicker (as everyone is stuck online more) so maybe it’ll reach saturation point and die off as more people are peaked... please?!

MishyJDI · 09/03/2021 10:43

@WootMoggie

YouTube
I think you captured it. You are not the parent. It is not an issue for you. It doesn't affect you. Kid should be open to explore and not feel constrained by gender and patriarchal structures - and no-one is going to start prescribing them blockers or HRT post High Court. So you can rest easy and focus on your own life rather than make the kid's life miserable through enforcing cultural stereotypes.

Hopefully these kids will be more enlightened and push for a greater equality amongst the sexes and society. All in all a good thing!

MishyJDI · 09/03/2021 10:43

@Strikemepink

I’m aware of a child who turned 13 just over a month ago who didn’t have Facebook / Reddit etc until 13, but are clearly involved in TRA stuff (using that language, trans and other sexuality flags etc)

It’s entirely possible they were reading but not engaging online previously but where would they gain access to this info otherwise? What upsets me most is the apparent support from their parents. Surely this is a safeguarding issue? 13 year olds talking sex and gender with god knows who online.

I don’t know why I’m posting, I’m just frustrated with it and want to protect this young person but I don’t think any message from me to the parent would be well received.

These poor kids.

I think you captured it. You are not the parent. It is not an issue for you. It doesn't affect you. Kid should be open to explore and not feel constrained by gender and patriarchal structures - and no-one is going to start prescribing them blockers or HRT post High Court. So you can rest easy and focus on your own life rather than make the kid's life miserable through enforcing cultural stereotypes.

Hopefully these kids will be more enlightened and push for a greater equality amongst the sexes and society. All in all a good thing!

Echobelly · 09/03/2021 10:51

DD (12) is in similar position - no social media, but watching Drag Race, You Tube, having a bunch on LGBTQ mates on WhatsApp. Things are largely positive but I try to put things in focus for her, like if she say she's heard X is a 'transphobe' I say to bear in mind things may have been exaggerated and sometimes people read too much into stuff, and have also told her my feelings that if we don't like gender stereotypes I feel it's important to stick by our sex and say that we can be a man or a woman without having to be this or that, rather than immediate resorting to another identity. Which is a very different thing to those who have a profound sense of not being their birth gender, which I totally believe in, having trans friends and family.

OldCrone · 09/03/2021 10:54

You are not the parent. It is not an issue for you. It doesn't affect you.

How do you know that poster isn't a parent?

Kid should be open to explore and not feel constrained by gender and patriarchal structures - and no-one is going to start prescribing them blockers or HRT post High Court.

Unfortunately, GenderGP hasn't yet been shut down, and if that person is in Scotland there is still a threat from the NHS gender clinic for children there which has said that they won't respect the High Court decision.

Nobody should be constrained by 'gender', but this constant obsession with and reinforcement of the idea of gender identity is not helping.

So you can rest easy and focus on your own life rather than make the kid's life miserable through enforcing cultural stereotypes.

What on earth do you mean by this?

Hopefully these kids will be more enlightened and push for a greater equality amongst the sexes and society.

How will they do that when they're obsessed by 'gender' and the supposed differences between male and female brains?

OldCrone · 09/03/2021 11:01

You are not the parent. It is not an issue for you. It doesn't affect you.

This affects us all. We should all be concerned about what happens in our society.

Do you also think that none of us should care about issues like FGM if we are not in one of the ethnic groups which carries out this practice?

Erkrie · 09/03/2021 11:10

I started discussing this stuff with the kids at a pretty young age because I didn't want to run the risk of schools / peers getting to DC first. It's worked out well as they have a very good handle on what's been happening, and they can provide reasoned logical discussion and debate with their friends. Which helps them too.

Beamur · 09/03/2021 11:33

Saying that no previous generation has pushed for equality is frankly insulting and very poorly informed.
You need to talk to your kids about everything, in an age appropriate way, all the time. Don't wait for them to tell you what they know.
I think the best skills we can give our children are to think deeply and critically about things. I want my DD to have her own thoughts and opinions but I don't want her to be led by the nose with herd behaviour.