Are feelings not allowed to be discussed on FWR?

[stumbledin]

Just asking as two threads have now been deleted.

No one understands why.

One was offering support to someone feeling low. What can be wrong with that?

The other was asking what did we do wrong.

@MNHQ if you feel something is "NITS" you need to explain how?

Otherwise it just seems totally subjective.

And if something has been said that is wrong but nobody knows it is wrong then we are in some sort of vicious circle of opaqueness.

This is genuine request for clarity.

I could be tempted to add it as a PS in every post I make. Just as we did all those years ago during the Spycatcher years. I must have added David Shayler to hundreds of emails, and I lived just a few miles away from The Donut (as it is called now).

@JoodyBlue

Long-term mumsnetters, is it time for a new term, like "P that must not be named" ?

Cillian Murphy may have some relevance in this area - he played a rather dashing gangster from vintage Birmingham - I can’t quite remember the name of the series though. I’ll ask my daughter - she loved it.

I think MN are risking discriminating against people with a communication disability if they use "not in the spirit" without clear explanation. These unclear messages are likely to have a disproportionate effect on disabled people.

Also if we are just expected to know what words are no longer acceptable if they are either not added to the list of banned words or the list is updated but this is not flagged up...

Disproportionate impact on those with barriers to interpreting those kinds of messages, and very nuanced posting guidelines, has been brought up before.

There's usually a breezy response that's more or less a head-pat, which is not reassuring.

@JoodyBlue

Long-term mumsnetters, is it time for a new term, like "P that must not be named" ?

That's definitely in the spirit.

Mumsnet moderation has always been terribly variable with very little clarity. One minute a post is banned for using a certain term, the next minute another one is left to stand. I can only imagine it varies based on which mods are active and online at the time which is a poor show really. It's also obvious that certain more famous posters get away with saying stuff that new members would be deleted for (yes I'm talking about cases where both were reported).

I've given up trying to understand the mystical ways of Mumsnet moderators, it's all too confusing.

I'm equally confused by the p word....4 letters...something to do with a mountain...but also offensive....presumably regarding trans issues? I'm completely lost on that one, perhaps I should frequent the board more to learn this top secret lingo.

Also note my copious misuse of the ellipsis on purpose. Ever since I saw a recent thread with someone complaining about it I've made it my mission to incorporate it exceedingly and incorrectly in posts just to piss Grammar nerds off........

In general I think it's important to try and have simple and clear rules for communication, without a lot of obscure things. It makes it impossible to talk otherwise.

If complicated weird rules seem necessary to me it suggests that the thinking that is coming up with them is probably flawed. It's maybe an understandable thing to happen but I think it might mean there is a need to review how it's being handled.

I smiled at @DayBath re the grammar police. But it does raise an important issue, which is that it is getting harder and harder to have a conversation meaningfully using terms that are clear. Language has been changed, swiftly and many people haven't got the memo. This is particuarly relevant for those who have communications challenges of any type....

In the olden days, by and large (:)), we used to listen or read in good faith and assume that the person trying to communication was doing the same. This culture, is the complete opposite of that. It is not progress.

It is regressive on every level.

@DayBath

Also note my copious misuse of the ellipsis on purpose. Ever since I saw a recent thread with someone complaining about it I've made it my mission to incorporate it exceedingly and incorrectly in posts just to piss Grammar nerds off........

Are you me? I always try to use too many elipses...... Ever since being told off by the trainer on a compulsory work IT course.

It has taken me ages to figure out what top of the mountain term was supposed to be unwelcome! Now I understand is like a place the north that begins with the p word and ends in district.

I was thinking, too, zenith, summit, pinnacle

Probably because mine was so long ago I hardly remember.

Agree supporting women’s feelings should have a place here.

Midlands, surely?

@Terranean

It has taken me ages to figure out what top of the mountain term was supposed to be unwelcome! Now I understand is like a place the north that begins with the p word and ends in district.

I was thinking, too, zenith, summit, pinnacle

Probably because mine was so long ago I hardly remember.

Agree supporting women’s feelings should have a place here.

That really confused me for a bit. That place is a long way south for me... How about describing it as in the middle of England.

So after a bit of googling "Mumsnet trans p word" I understand what it means now, but I still don't get why it's so controversial, it seems quite a normal way to describe people's views changing.

I mean even if TRA's don't agree with it, that still doesn't make it offensive. Let's just imagine that all this stuff is wrong, how is it any different to flat earthers describing their 'eyes being finally being opened'. It's just a descriptive way to talk about a shift in view surely? It's not inherently offensive in terms of either linguistics or nuance.

@JoodyBlue

Long-term mumsnetters, is it time for a new term, like "P that must not be named" ?

Ninkanink - As I understand it the thread about feelings was deleted with the message NITS. Now of course I dont have the link to the article to confirm that was the message! Did anyone keep the link and could check.

I just saw it as I was trying to post something just at the moment they deleted it!

Might have reached the "apex" of total confusion as to where this thin boundary of okay and not okay lies.

Ah ok good, so I at least didn’t misunderstand...

I must say if that turns out to be the case I’ll be pretty angry on behalf of OP...That’s just rude and dismissive AF. Mind you I didn’t read the thread but I’m taking others’ word for it that it wasn’t deliberately inflammatory so I think MNHQ owed a bit more to the OP than that!

Yeah, sorry for the geographical parameters but it is the P in the district. Midlands for some, South for others and North for me it seems!

I understand the 4 letter district beginning with P isn't listed anywhere, but is there a banned list in general please? I'm now paranoid about language.

Perhaps MNHQ could also give us information on what they consider 'NITS' to mean. What criteria do you use when deciding if something is NITS?

I had a post deleted for using the term "peak trans" - I wasn't given a "Strike" (thank you MNHQ) but was told that it was felt to be not a term 'conducive to civil debate' in the context of the thread on which I posted.

It's a tricky minefield for us all.

Especially as any discussion of women's rights, women's issues, is seen as inherently & necessarily "transphobic" by some pressure groups.

Did anyone create a post in Site Stuff in the end?

And ooops, maybe my post above will be deleted. I didn't know that the word was banned.

You’ve done it now...

I'm only skim read this thread (shd be working) but it seems as though I'm not the only one who's been deleted for mountaineering?

When did the phrase become verboten ?