@Akela64
I had three girls who are now 22, 20, 20. No phones til they were 13. No smart phones til 16. This was before the days of online gaming and apps. DDs were very much the odd ones re phones and soc med. Lot of pressure from DDs and other parents. Many in the primary school playground thought I was unkind, obstinate and they did judge me. It wasn't easy to hold the line and I imagine it is much harder now.
The girls had ninetindo DS (not smart) and kindle fires (could download TV books etc for offline) . We had family laptops and ninetindo wii in sitting/dining rooms.
How did I manage it? They were told about the dangers of soc med and smart phones as soon as their friends were given them (9yo). Told they would not have phones. Told when they would be given a phone for calling and messaging, when they would have a smart phone. Phones were never a gift, not birthdays or Christmas. They were mine, given on loan. Good phone "hygiene" was essential. Not at dining table. Not instead of work (school/chores) or sleep. Poor hygiene meant no phone time. Also safety filters and an Internet timer. They were allowed to play the console in the family sitting room. No complaining from me or DH. If we didn't like it we could leave. Mostly though I had to get used to being told that I was abusive for not giving in. It seems that theme has spread to much more than phones nowadays.
With hindsight, I would do it all again. It was totally worth it.
DDs are beginning to appreciate my firm parenting and many friends who thought I was unreasonably tough have had to face negative impacts that are a lot more difficult than the tears and tantrums of tweens.
Strength to your elbow. You will make many uncomfortable. But stay convinced - you are right and they are not.
I’m of a similar age to Akela’s DDs and my parents had the same policy. I will be eternally grateful to them for sticking to it. It was one of the best parenting decisions they took.
First of all, they talked to me and explained why social media was harmful - and to be honest, I could sometimes see the effects first hand with my classmates at school.
I was given an old burner phone for the Y6 school trip when I was 10. I used to have after-school activities until very late each night (8/9pm) at a place with 1,000 other kids, so some afternoons I’d be given the phone if my mum was not going to hang around for the whole evening, so I could let her know when I was finished. The school didn’t phone parents as there were too many of us. The phone was given purely for communication purposes. I could text and phone my friends using my parents’ phones, at any point, but I couldn’t install WhatsApp or use too much credit on texts as it would soon run out.
Did I feel my parents were mean during my teenager years? Occasionally. But as teenagers we all think our parents are mean. With hindsight, I see what a great job they did and how much high school drama I avoided. I got my first smartphone with WhatsApp (which was monitored) when I was in Y10. I got an offer for uni at 15 so I obviously got a phone at that age when I had to move countries on my own.
One of my younger sisters was allowed Instagram at 13, the pressure on my parents was immense. She’s now almost 17 and regrets it so much. Is now mature enough to not use it during exam sessions (two weeks every 6 where we’re from) and blocks people she doesn’t want to get involved with, but between the ages of 13-15 her life was a drama. Toxic friendships, indecent images, got in trouble at school for passing on videos she shouldn’t have... She didn’t focus much and had lots of self-esteem issues and always wanted to fit in.
It’s so important parents enforce strict boundaries around phone and social media usage, and stick to them. My parents let me build a relationship with them so we could talk about these issues, instead of me building relationships with my phone and strangers online.