How to identify the similar-minded women at work?

[SybillTrelawney]

I'm feeling suffocated by the dominance of gender ideology at work, and I want to find any female colleagues who feel similarly (assuming there are some), partly to feel less alone, and partly so that I can speak up about my concerns knowing that it's not just me. I've talked to some male colleagues who think it's ridiculous, but they tend to just stay out of it because it's not worth the hassle. Unfortunately the people who actually get involved in "employee activism" and anything relating to diversity initiatives seem to be almost exclusively very woke and very TWAW, and so theirs are the only voices that get heard, and they make it a very uncomfortable environment for anyone who doesn't subscribe to the orthodoxy.

My company is quite large (1000-ish?), so I'd like to believe there are others; though it's quite a male-dominated workplace, and the vast majority of women there are under the age of 35 (as am I), so that makes me less hopeful. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to find them?

@Darcinian

So, to summarise, the men should be tolerant of trans people, so you don’t have to?

Damn! Outed! Going out of my way to encourage other people to accept transwomen clearly demonstrates my bigotry.

What planet are you on?

Said TW and I get along well in the virtual workplace. I am sure we will go out for team drinks together again when the pandemic is over. No hatred. Mutual acceptance. It's great you should try it.

I suppose you meant well but if you were my employee I would be having a word with you about how inappropriate it was to talk about another employee's protected characteristic behind their back (as well as making assumptions about how the Hindi and Muslim employees would react) and the assumption that my male employees would not behave unless ypu stepped in.

I post regularly on Facebook about J K Rowling’s books.

“So excited that the new Cormoran Strike book is being released tonight. It reminds me of queuing up at midnight to get the last Harry Potter!”

“It is lockdown and the weather is miserable - perfect day to introduce ds to “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets””

“Ds has stolen Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets! Apparently I read too slow and he wants to read it on his own!”

“Getting through lockdown by comfort re-reading all the Harry Potters”.

Do you think that's still likely to apply given how young most of the women are (i.e. mostly in their 20s, no kids etc.)?

I do think it's a flag you should fly. .Given the fame of the Portal Of Radicalisation, I'm certain there will be young women, childless women that have found their way here.

I'd have thought that the combo of a JKR novel, chat about Mumsnet and an artless "does anyone know what we're doing for International Women's Day?" is going to sort the nannies from the ewes.

Helen Lewis's Difficult women, a history of feminism in 11 fights would be another great book to leave around. I'm half way through and loving it. Currently on the Marie Stopes chapter and women's lack of knowledge and shame about their genitals and mad research moving the clitoris nearer the vagina. It's a very female centred book.

I work for adult social services and we freely talk about this and all of the women are on the same page as me. All bar one of the blokes are too, including the two gay team members who are utterly pissed off with being lumped in with trans when it's absolutely nothing to do with them.

The guy who disagrees is an utter dick who we all hate so it makes sense that he'd be super woke.

Team age ranges from early 20s to 60s!

I feel so angry and sad.
I just don't know where I belong in this world. I am a woman, but my identity has been stolen.

I am angry for young lesbian girls expected to accept penises into their relationships and beds.

I feel rail roaded to accept men into our safe spaces, I am a rape/sexual abuse survivor, so it makes me worried about the future.

Now this with work

I have visited some dark places in my mind, I can tell you, I even hid some tablets just in case I couldn't take anymore or I lose my job.

outbutnotoutout just sending you support. I was very down a few days ago realising i was going to have to leave ‘my union’. Then a friend said - ‘hang on Heron (well she didn’t say Heron) things are changing, more are waking up to what this all means’. Think she’s right. I just didn’t want to have to go through this yet again attack on hard won women’s’ rights. Forgotten what wave we are in but I’m second wave active feminist. Feels we are taking steps back. Need to gird loins. Support.

Outbutnotoutout, this is appalling.

Have you got in touch with your GP or a professional? You don't have to feel like this; you deserve support. MIND or the Samaritans are also available anytime you need someone to talk to. They could point you towards some specialised help for abuse survivors, too.

www.mind.org.uk/

As for your work: A bit hard to know without the full picture, but it sounds to me like your HR dept need to be supporting you with this, too. Nobody should feel hounded, or compelled to mouth certain beliefs and nobody should feel this bad because of attacks from people at work.

Nobody can steal who you are. Nobody can change who you are. I but there are ways to navigate it that help make life easier. And there is much to be said for sisterhood and the company of women. Have you friends and family about that you are in touch with?

Ah, a bit of my post vanished, how odd.

Nobody can steal who you are. Nobody can change who you are. I know the world can feel like a difficult place for women sometimes, but there are ways to navigate it that help make life easier. And there is much to be said for sisterhood and the company of women. Have you friends and family about that you are in touch with?

Thank you x

Just don't put anything on Facebook 👀

I have support at home and my GP

Glad to hear it, Outbut. I hope you find a way to feel happier at work, you shouldn't have to put up with being bullied or targeted for standing up for women's rights.