Contraception

[Nicknamegoeshere]

I want to come off the pill as my partner and I rarely have sex. Do I need to ask his permission? He might not want to use a condom if we do have sex eventually.

You don't need to ask his permission.

You do need to tell him though if you have sex with him.

You don't need anyones permission to stop taking the pill.

You do also have every right to turn down sex without a condom too.

Oh and pretty obviously if you do have sex and don't want to get pregnant, you need to sort out some form of contraception.

You do also have every right to turn down sex without a condom too

This too.

Yes of course I'd tell him if we were going to have sex. We definitely don't want a baby . I think I should try more to have sex though as I think he feels like I'm pushing him away?

You shouldn't be having sex you don't want.

Please don't force yourself. You don't owe him sex

@Whatwouldscullydo

You shouldn't be having sex you don't want.

Please don't force yourself. You don't owe him sex

Absolutely.

Feeling like you need to have sex you don't actually want is not a good place for a relationship to be.

NB huge range of possible reasons from you've lost interest because the relationship has actually run its course, pill is destroying your libido - a very common side effect, mismatched sex drives, all the way through to he's behaving like a sex pest and that's a turn off. I won't speculate because there's not enough info to guess. But I recommend you sit down and have a good hard think.

Because "how do I talk myself into sex I don't want?" is never a healthy headspace to be in.

I'm breastfeeding so this a huge factor. Should I stop? Plan was to self-wean so might be until around 3 or older (my other two were around 3).

Baby is 8 months.

If you want to stop becuase you find it draining and don't want to do it then you go right ahead you don't even "permission " or to justify yourself.

But don't stop if it's just to make the man happy and have sex you dont want.

What is it you want.

@Whatwouldscullydo Goodness no - I love breastfeeding. But am I hurting my partner by carrying on?

If you don't feel able to have conversations with your partner about this sort of thing maybe you need to do some work on your relationship.

I think what might hurt him more is you forcing yourself to have sex, and giving up doing something you love that's beneficial to yourself and the baby.

How do you feel about it all?

What would you do if there was no one else to consider?

@SnuggyBuggy I have. He says it does bother him but he understands.

I believe the advice often given to couples having a 'dry' phase is other forms of intimacy, not PIV sex (or any type of sex as such initially). Maybe that type of approach would be helpful?

[quote Nicknamegoeshere]@SnuggyBuggy I have. He says it does bother him but he understands.[/quote]
Well there you go then. Respect him enough to take him at his word. Everything is fine. Condoms are easy to use and he will quickly get in the habit of using one when the need arrises.

No need to ask permission but obviously inform him. Another vote for you to think about what you want, you seem very skewed towards what he wants

[quote Nicknamegoeshere]@Whatwouldscullydo Goodness no - I love breastfeeding. But am I hurting my partner by carrying on?[/quote]
Any partner worth his salt should know if he's chosen to enter into a relationship and have children, he should at least be trying to make that relationship last 20 years or more - and 20 years will have its ups and downs.

It is normal to lose libido while breast feeding, and often through the toddler years (often women find they are too "touched out" to want sex). Most women find their libido does come back as the children grow and parenting becomes less intense. A decent man will find ways of coping with this sort of temporary lull.

Ask yourself if he had a long-term illness which took months, even years to recuperate from, would you cope with lack of sex during this period?

@ErrolTheDragon We don't have any time just us so that is a problem.

He sounds like a fairly considerate partner, so I’d say think through whether you might enjoy helping your partner out sexually, without intercourse since you’re not feeling up to that. Could just be cuddling, low effort for you. Obviously its OK if it’s still a “no” (like if you’re touched out) but it might help you both through the current situation to feel some physical intimacy. Or not, anyway you'd want to think about what you and he might enjoy.

Plenty of ways to avoid pregnancy while off the pill too although With BF natural contraception may be complicated as you may not have regular cycles.

Incidentally, condoms can be highly effective if used properly.

I never got on with the pill (loss of libido plus crippling depression) so always used condoms. An entire reproductive lifetime later, I have had precisely one planned and much wanted pregnancy.

I had the problem with feeling like no time to just us as well. It helped to have a portable crib in the main area where I could put the kid down for a nap then get busy in the BR.

I also have two teenagers!!!

[quote Nicknamegoeshere]@Whatwouldscullydo Goodness no - I love breastfeeding. But am I hurting my partner by carrying on?[/quote]
If you love feeding your little one then keep doing it. Baby is only 8 months old and they grow up/ time goes so quickly at that stage. Keep the communication open with your partner x x