Women's hour right now - on transitioning husband?

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I just caught a snippet of Women's Hour but won't be able to listen properly till later - getting the DC set up with homeschooling now.

Please don't tell me it's a segment on how to be a doting wife to a transwoman with no balance? That's what it sounded like from the bit I caught. I hope I'm wrong!

In the context of the situation, I wonder if the fear is to do with having to think about things too hard to deal with, or with the reaction of an already challenging partner.

@RoyalCorgi

They're interviewing her because she has a book out. So what you'll get in all these media interviews and articles is an endless rehash of her view of her own experience.

There's nothing for it, Tinsel: if you want to get the alternative view of trans widowhood in the BBC/Guardian, you're going to have to write a book.

I don't really want to write a book though, if I ever do I would like it to be a compilation of women's stories, similar to the Trans Widows Voices website. A book about me would be quite boring.

It's heartening to see that in general there is more understanding of issues facing trans widows at the grass roots level, but depressing that still only one side is being told in the media.

If you want to make any money out of all this (which I very much don't), you have to toe the gender ideology line.

I can't condemn other trans widows for finding a different way through this, although a lack of sisterhood is disappointing. The TWV door is always ajar and my feminism is for all of them, even the ones who block me on Twitter!

I'd suggest considering this author's output along side this by Dr Em

uncommongroundmedia.com/domestic-abuse-related-to-late-transitioning-partners-part-i-coercive-control/

And considering the extra layers of coercive control that are enforced by woke society.

I also wonder if the fear is actually fear of having cognitive dissonance ruffled.

@Hollybutnoivy

What I thought was odd was that she seemed genuinely frightened of the tide of 'anti-trans sentiment' Well seeing as she interprets JKR saying "I want trans women to be safe" as being virulently anti-trans, I would say that maybe she interprets everything that falls short of enthusiastic approval as being menacing.

I wonder if she’s even fought a day in her life for the safety of women? This narrative of ‘oh it’s so unsafe, we must protect’ is very perplexing.

@Angryresister

She almost choked at the beginning from trying not to use the word father... I am in no doubt that she is being gaslit and erased in that relationship. Trying to do what she can, but to repeat twice that it’s the anti trans narrative that is the problem is disingenuous to say the least

She had said previously that her mother said that it was like she had joined a cult. It's easier I expect when you're surrounded by people determined to affirm your partner, despite their appalling behaviour, to believe what the group believes, rather than think outside it. It would carry all sorts of consequences.

I also wonder if the fear is actually fear of having cognitive dissonance ruffled.

I imagine it's at least part of it. That's why many trans allies get so angry at nonbelievers.

I like AH's writing & share her love of swimming, indeed I subscribe to her newsletter, but she would slap my position on women's rights straight in the 'anti-trans' bucket.
It's funny how very similar people can differ so hugely on what they find important. I was surprised at how quickly she abandoned & rejected JKR.

Did "Sharon Thrace", who had a trans widow blog, ever write her book?

I think it's Shannon Thrace?

Well I just listened. Lot of justification. A complete lack of any kind of real confidence behind her words. To my mind she sounded scared but also keen to sell her book. Hopefully one day she will come out the other side. All the stuff about Mum just being another word with no meaning - from a writer. If she really believes that then she is very lost.

If mum is "just another word" I'm sure her former husband wont mind if they are not allowed to use it

When I was still very woke I remember watching an interview with a couple where the wife stayed with her transitioned husband. The mtf partner was going on about how they are a lesbian couple now and she (wife) pointed out she still identifies as straight, not a lesbian.

At the time (being woke) I thought this was odd. Shouldn’t she at least consider herself bi now that she’s “married to a woman”?

Having been through it myself now it’s so glaringly obvious - nothing substantive has changed. She’s still married to a male human thus she’s still straight. It’s up to the trans partner then to decide if a lack of “validation” in favor of reality is worth the marriage. I don’t know how much I’d want to be in a relationship where I know my partner was lying daily to help preserve my feelings, though either.

@Kit19

If mum is "just another word" I'm sure her former husband wont mind if they are not allowed to use it

I thought that this man had absolutely ruined her experience of having her first baby, and to take the name 'mum' off her by insisting he was the child's mother as well, was really awful.

AH has tranches of literature on disappointment when failing, challenges in becoming one, and then finally being a mum, hasn't she? All the stuff about when her baby was born and she was eager to begin the 'mothering'. Now she's telling us she thinks it is just another word. Now special meaning to her.