Women's hour right now - on transitioning husband?

[fastwigglylines]

I just caught a snippet of Women's Hour but won't be able to listen properly till later - getting the DC set up with homeschooling now.

Please don't tell me it's a segment on how to be a doting wife to a transwoman with no balance? That's what it sounded like from the bit I caught. I hope I'm wrong!

Mind you maybe she had to say whatever she needed to say to get herself and her child out of an abusive situation as safely as possible.

I thought it was quite funny that she'd come on to talk about that, but that WH picked up on the fact that the DNA test showed that her baby wasn't genetically hers, and wanted to talk about that. I had visions of her husband (sorry, no way will I call him her wife) getting all exasperated - "But what about me??"

I just find it so odd that she does not waver from the “be kind” narrative. Everyone is allowed to have a range of emotions. Reinforces the old stereotype, be nice, be kind, find a positive. “We can build from here, we can make something really good......”

If it's AH then, from what I remember from the other thread, she's a mother trying to stay on good terms with the father of her very young child.

So why write a book about your marriage?

Two things that riled me- her saying something like, just like I can’t help that Im not gay, my ex can’t help being trans. Beyond the problems for lesbians others have cited, it also makes me think, so sure you’ve always been straight. If your ex was always trans why did they marry you and decide to become a father? Also that she kept saying how rife transphobia is in this country without giving examples or facts- this being accepted as fact on Beeb just annoys me so much, like how For Women Scot are often described as an anti trans group as opposed to being a pro women group... gah!
That poor woman, I can’t believe she had to go through all that and her husband did that to her.

I love my DH but if he did this, he'd be out. Marriage over. Why should women be expected to put up with this shit?

@SeaRabbit

So why write a book about your marriage?

I don't know Sea but given what she's been through and what she's still trying to juggle then personally I'm inclined to cut her some slack.

Well, as with Amanda Jette Knox, my sympathy for being in such a hideous position drops off at the point she starts being an enforcer against other women. That's a hard place to come back from, but it is possible, so I would always be compassionate to another woman who was there, but while she is using her platform to shit on other women, my first instinct will always be boundary setting.

Are there any men who find themselves in the same situation? I only know of Scott Newgent - was married to a woman but they aren’t married now (not quite the same as a trans man and a husband though).

Right at the end she talked about 'getting over' her possession of the word Mummy, how in the great scheme of things she couldn't fight over that (it's just a word.) So I imagine the man she fell in love with, who fathered her child, is now insisting on also being called mummy. The thought of co parenting with someone like that is extremely worrying. I wish her and her child all the best-I fear they are in for a rocky ride with an extremely selfish individual.

Sod that for a game of soldiers. Mummy... nope.

I really liked her books about running and swimming but I lost all respect for her when she wrote about boycotting JKR. I have no problem with her supporting her husband entirely- her choice. But why the hate for JKR? Just seems like she is scared to actually examine any of the issues here.

And as others have pointed out, if she really believes that her husband was "always a woman" surely this is worse as she has been tricked into a lesbian relationship?

I thought AH sounds traumatised. Maybe it's too soon for her to realise the damage thats been done by her ex and maybe the book and subsequent publicity is her way of processing the relationship's end?
When she talked about the way she easily gave up the word 'Mother', she just sounded broken.

I am unbelkieveably confused. Alexandra Heminsley is a transwidow and has written a book. She isn't a lesbian so she is now divorced. but that WH picked up on the fact that the DNA test showed that her baby wasn't genetically hers which she?

Sounded to me rather like a hostage talking.

Right at the end she talked about 'getting over' her possession of the word Mummy, how in the great scheme of things she couldn't fight over that (it's just a word.) So I imagine the man she fell in love with, who fathered her child, is now insisting on also being called mummy.

Partner puts her through all that JUST AFTER she's given birth. She suffers a serious of other traumatic events as a result of being biologically female - the infertility, IVF, birth, difficulty breastfeeding etc - then partner presumably insists upon taking the name that refers to the biologically female parent. A name which has meaning to women. Nope, definitely not a narcissist, nothing to see here.

Confused how can her baby not be genetically hers? What? Is that possible?

she talked about 'getting over' her possession of the word Mummy,

Oh God, how sad That's awful. Why should the poor woman have to 'get over' and surrender that thing that should be hers and hers alone with her child? So that her male partner can be happy and have everything they want. The amount of enforced sacrifice involved from everyone else is exactly what's wrong with all this, the zero respect for anyone else. The answer to this should be 'no'. With an expectation that the transitioned partner 'gets over it', just like they expect her to just get over things.

how in the great scheme of things she couldn't fight over that (it's just a word.)

And right there is the beaten down exhaustion. She hasn't given up on this willingly or because she chose to, but because in the scheme of everything else she is having to fight, and deal with, and suck up from this partner, that's something she didn't have enough left for that one.

This is awful. Awful, awful stuff. That poor woman.

Yes Michelle I agree, what struck me is the complete sense of defeat-she knows she is going to have to co parent her child with this person-they will be legally entitled to have input into the Childs life....they will be tethered together for at least the next 18 years-no wonder she sounded like a nervous wreck

It's soul sucking to even read about. What part of her has she not had to submit to this person, while having to pretend she's ok and this is all lovely and jolly positive and perfectly ok? What has her ex left her with? Even her unique role and name in her child's life has been commandeered. And she's having to smile while it's done to her.

Sorry, I've missed this and have just read through the thread. How isn't the baby genetically her's?

@startrek90

Confused how can her baby not be genetically hers? What? Is that possible?

I'm guessing she had to use a donor egg.

Sorry I haven’t read about this specific case- why is the genetic relationship thing relevant in this- she’s the baby’s mum?