eeek! pronouns (or not as the case may be)

[museumum]

I'm at an 'online conference' where there are online 'conference badges' where we were asked to put name, pronouns, one line bio and photo. I am one of less than ten out of 200 who haven't put pronouns.... I'm a bit scared to be honest.... this is my livelihood... not sure tbh how long i'll last before deleting my badge entirely.

[stupid stupid stupid situation.... don't need this hassle at all thank you]

Up to you which hills you want to die on, how "woke" your cohort is and whether you think it'll land as bigotry/ignorance or just forgetfulness, as i think those are the options if your peers are not largely gender critical.

I personally would be complying, but i have a mortgage and a kid and can't afford to put principles over job security.

There is always the woke-friendly argument that some trans people feel that encouraging pronouns on badges etc forces them into outing themselves ir misgendering themselves / upsetting those still trying to decide...

I wouldn't do it on the basis that historically announcing yourself as "she" has caused issues in the past with sexual harassment and disparity.

I expect a lot of the 190 are now thinking 'oh heck that was optional, I wish I hadn't put any sodding pronouns in'.

Just don't engage in any discussion about it. Ignore questions - don't be made to feel defensive or feel you have to respond.
As with a toddler - smile and divert attention

And this highlights where we are. We should all recognise this movement for the coercive and insidious effect that it is having on us all. Particularly the young. I am facing similar BTW. Is it really a choice between job retention and freedom of thought/expresssion.

@Alexandernevermind

I wouldn't do it on the basis that historically announcing yourself as "she" has caused issues in the past with sexual harassment and disparity.

This is my background. I studied male-dominated subjects back in the 90s and am not comfortable announcing my sex before anything else as if it should affect my work.

Your username suggests you may work in the museums sector? If so, my sympathies. It's one of the few sectors that is more in thrall to cult-thinking than academia at the moment.

If anyone brings up your pronouns, just go with "I don't want to discuss it. It's triggering". Throw their language and assumptions right back at them.

It’s been suggested to me (I’m an academic) that I may wish to put my pronouns on my email signature. So far it’s not a direct demand but I’m worried that we’re not far away from that happening.
It’s well known that once someone knows you are female that they treat you differently to if they thought you were a man. My name is unambiguously female but I really don’t want to hammer it home with the she/her stuff. Will they assume I am super-girlie or something, as otherwise surely I would pick they/them? I hate being pressurised into publicly declaring that I identify with female gender-roles.

If challenged just say "I don't feel comfortable stating pronouns right now."

What are they going to do? Potentially "out" someone who's only at the "beginning of their trans journey"?

You always say that you don't believe in gender. Even the woke bros can't really argue with that one.

I mean - you could always say...
Oh, for an edit button!

What CaraDuneRedux says! If you expand a bit and say "I've just embarked on my journey and don't want to be outed until I'm sure. I'd rather just risk being mis-gendered for now, as it helps me try out my options."

While I understand the fear of standing up in one's workplace. All of the advice so far is to avoid and bypass the subject. What would happen if enough of us just don't do it, as the OP has done and if questioned the answer is "I don't want to". It should be enough. Don't give enough rope to get hung on.

actually I see there was advice to do just that - sorry!! :)

I don’t even like putting a one line bio.

In fact I’m not crazy about putting my name on but I’m anti social.

I had considered an out of the blue name change, and no pronouns. This sort of thing makes me petulant.

@weebarra

You always say that you don't believe in gender. Even the woke bros can't really argue with that one.

Yeah but you’re only allowed to say that if you have blue hair and are part of their woke gang. In all other circumstances, you will just be called a Nazi.

"I don't want" to is perfect.

Sorry for my errant punctuation!

And if someone asks, why not, I would say something like, "loads of reasons, I don't really want to go into it right now"

@PaleBlueMoonlight yes I think that is a way forward with this stuff. It is serious though. By stating pronouns we buy into the idea that you can't tell if someone is female and that we all need to think in this way. It is changing the way we operate socially by coercion. I keep thinking of the quote that “Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing.” attributed to John Stewart Mill. If we all go along with it, through fear of losing a job, then it stands. If enough people stand up against it then there might possibly be a discussion somewhere. It shouldn't be able to be delivered to the workplace as a won argument.

DS had this dilemma at (very woke) uni for online lecture. His plan was to "act dumb" if confronted. I had primed him with some other excuses (as suggested earlier on this thread). He wasn't confronted and he was far from being the only one not to comply with the pronoun request.

I also think it is extremely interesting that not all his lecturers use pronouns...

I don’t think you need to. It’s not something they can expect and I can’t see how they could judge you for it. As above, I doubt anyone can confront anyone about it

I'd be tempted to put 'It' for pronouns then sit back and enjoy the confusion.

Bah, sometimes I want to go back to the 1990's before every one was offended.