Workplace encouraging culture change

[JoodyBlue]

My workplace has just issued an LGBTQ+ toolkit and sent an email from HR to indicate that training and awareness sessions will follow. I have read the documents through. While I accept that everyone should be able to feel comfortable at work, and whilst I would always treat individuals with respect and sensitivity, this is a call to action. For example, there is a section that talks about language, suggesting that inclusive language would include parent/carer instead of mother or father. I am deeply uncomfortable about the reframing of our language in this way and hence I find my own views are compromised by the active nature of the advice.

The document also addresses gender neutral toilets, speaks of micro-aggressions towards trans people, speaks of good allyship, and speaks about the benefits of being able to bring your "whole self" to work. It is not simply following a "live and let live" approach, which I would be happy with. Nor is it adopting an anti-bullying approach, which I feel I would always do. This is something akin to having to prove you think the right way. There is a section that talks of anonymous reporting of individuals to HR/manager.

I honestly don't know what I can do. I do manage a small team, and so will probably be asked to cascade information at some point. Is this it then? Is it the case that inclusivity within an organisation now means excluding those who are not comfortable with this ideology? It goes beyond simply respecting people. I am NOT happy to use the word parent instead of mother. I wonder if there is any recourse for people like me, other than resigning my job?

Is anyone else facing this? How are you coping with it?

Can you wear a gimp mask next time you have a senior management meeting? Better still when in a client meeting. After all they want people to feel able to bring their whole selves to work...

Makes me think about the chap who was being led around Victoria Station in London by his dominatrix. I’m sure he would love to bring her to work with him sometimes.

But also - a company has every right to instil the culture they want. If you disagree with that and don't want to participate you don't have to stay.

This is a joke really isn't it. Companies literally cannot instill a culture. They can talk bollocks and issue policies about lovely culture but the reality is people behave like people whatever you do.

Cultures are blaming, stressy, scapegoating, bitching, backbiting, sloppy, disinterested, AND full of bossy self important areseholes that write shit like that.

Ignore it. It's a pimple on the arse of humanity.

@CoffeeCheeseandCupcakes

Saying parent/carer instead of mother or father is simply acknowledging that not everyone is raised by the traditional mother/father relationship. Some are raised by grandparents, or aunts/uncles, or any other multitude of possibilities.

I agree. I don't think there is anything objectionable about this.

Sadly though you will end up with a maternity policy for pregant people. It's not actually about carers or parents, it's about non binaries.

I sort of get what they mean about bringing your whole self - you shouldn't have to feel you have to hide being gay or anything. But equally, you shouldn't have to tell anyone.

I don't want colleagues to bring their selves which gets obnoxious when pissed up, or their selves which goes to swingers parties on the weekend. They are allowed to keep that sort of thing private for all our sakes. I'd be quite happy for some colleagues not to bring parts of themselves which are fine to be in the workplace, but no doubt they think the same about me.

We are not all the same person to all people- my parents didn't get to know everything I did at school or uni. My workmates don't get to know everything I do in my spare time. People in my yoga class don't know what I'm like at work. It's not that I particularly hide things (except things like underage drinking back then,) but there's no need for everything to be shared with everyone.

I think even in companies which have a pretty inclusive culture, there will be those who are less so, even if it's unconscious. We were recently talking about whether we're looking forward to going back to the office. "It'd be good to see the lads again, " said one. "We're not all lads," I replied, mostly reflexively, after years of being the only woman in the department. Instead of saying, "well of course I meant you too," (even if it were a lie,) he said, "I don't know what to say to that," which left an awkward silence, and I certainly didn't feel included. It wasn't intentionally hurtful, but it did hurt and was just unthinking.

I think if training about unconscious bias and inclusivity means some people think a bit more about how what they say might affect others, it's not going to be a bad thing, whether it's about women, trans, ethnic minorities, disability or anything else. Some people do need their awareness increasing, and if others don't then they can ateast support those who do.

This reminds me of Silicon Valley (tv series) when they try to set up a staff friendly office - so someone asks if they can bring in their dog (it made them happy). So they let them - then everyone else asks why they can’t do it to? So all the dogs came and the demand floodgates opened, with staff whining and complaining about why X could do this and they couldn’t do that... the more they allowed staff to have their way, the more the office descended into pandemonium.

My work are bringing in this terrible diversity stuff now. Basically it seems to mean they congratulate themselves repeatedly in public for deigning to hire me. It makes me feel shit. I had been under the impression I was good at my job, but no, the whole charade has been a pity fuck.

There's no WAY I'm telling them I also tick two more boxes they are currently eagerly self flagellating over not having represented.

I remember when partner instead of wife/husband came in. It didn't take long to get used to it but even now, not everyone uses partner. I think parent is a positive step. These are small moves of inclusivity and save someone the embarrassment of having to explain a variant situation.

The 'informing' on people is alarming, along with gender neutral lavs.

Also agree with those who commented on 'bringing whole self to work'. Glad I didn't bring mine, would have been partying most of the day

I’d be sitting drinking tea all day, mooching on mumsnet, swearing and having a node nap in the afternoon.

No at work I being my ‘work self’ because I don’t give two hoots about the things I do at work in the real world (of course I do actually enjoy it in the work place but it’s not real life there is it?

My workplace has been thoroughly Stonewalled and they love the phrase 'bringing ones whole self to work'. Is that part of the brainwashing?

It's clear from my employer's directives they won't welcome the parts of my whole self that think gender is utter nonsense. I'm putting off doing the diversity training as long as I can because I'm sure it will give me the rage.

@ChattyLion

I also have a problem with being encouraged to be bringing my ‘whole self’ to work, while authenticity is clearly important on some issues and it can be awful when your values do not align with your employers‘, i also think that professionalism, in the current political context, is being actively eroded and wonder who’s gaining from that. I don’t think it’s end users or service users or employees.

I want a private life, I don’t want my professional life in it. I want a separate professional life and am happy to not foreground elements of my personal politics etc in that.

I don’t mean that professionalism means being macho, presenteeism, discriminatory, following a default Male template, or only doing things one way or anything like that. I see professionalism as valuing expertise and being responsible for doing something well, I suppose, plus all the usual values about serving the public.

The whole self at work idea is a stupid buzz phrase that for some reason is superficially attractive to employers who would actually properly shit themselves if any of us actually did Bring our Whole Selves to work. And for the most part I am much happier with my colleagues revealing only as much of their Whole Selves as professionalism allows, then more only if we actually become friends..

This is pretty much my view on work/private life boundaries. I take on board the point about not having to conceal significant aspects of your life in work, but I find the pushy ‘whole self’ cheerleading movement intrusive.

a company has every right to instil the culture they want. If you disagree with that and don't want to participate you don't have to stay

That's clearly not true. A company cannot instil a culture of male supremacy, for example, then tell women who 'don't want to participate you don't have to stay'.

a company has every right to instil the culture they want. If you disagree with that and don't want to participate you don't have to stay

My company's culture now excludes sex as a protected characteristic, which is against equality law. I'm going to try and change it from the inside.

I mean, tbh I'm not especially in particular fussed about diversity training because basically everyone thinks all training is wank, don't they?

My mates in care work have to do anti-terrorism training on their phones during shifts, which is obviously a massive problem in care homes. Can't move for internet-radicalised nail bombers at the pie and peas singalong supper. :D It's just like all the other wank you have to do at work: risk-assessing the teaspoons, lesson planning the sandpit, translating everything into Welsh. It's not like there's not some original good point to this stuff, it's that the petty tyrannies of bureaucrats everywhere eventually turn it all into wank.

In your workplace do you have team meetings? Staff surveys? Meetings with other managers? How do you know or find out what other people are thinking about their work or about anything in the workplace? Aren't you supposed to know your staff and any concerns they may have and to feed that into the organisation in some way?

As part of your management, why not put the new culture project as an item on the agenda for a regular team meeting and use it as an opportunity to ask them what they think about how the team is doing currently on good workplace culture and communication and what about the new policy and are there any concerns or points they want to discuss or to flag up and send back to higher management?
You could start off with some opening remarks about aspiring to a good workplace for everyone and good communication between you all but as for bringing whole self - make a joke that your not sure they'd like it if you brought your whole self as opposed to your professional self or what it would be like if they and everyone brought their whole selves. Then talk about managing provision for everyone's views, including those who may not agree with certain positions on language or current policy for example in view of rights to privacy and not wishing to disclose everything in work...then move on and ask what they think about the best way to report concerns and should there be an anonymous method such as in regular staff surveys or should they be raised initially with a manager, a counsellor, a colleague or HR and are there pitfalls in having secret reporting and how should everyone guard against these? You could consider doing a note summarising the discussion and any issues to pass on to whoever in management or HR.

Correction: 'your' should be 'you're not sure...'

@highame

I remember when partner instead of wife/husband came in. It didn't take long to get used to it but even now, not everyone uses partner. I think parent is a positive step. These are small moves of inclusivity and save someone the embarrassment of having to explain a variant situation.

The 'informing' on people is alarming, along with gender neutral lavs.

A couple of years ago I had need to make a telephone call to a government agency about tax credits.

The person I talked to on the phone made repeated reference to " your partner " during the course of the conversation.

I asked the person if they could instead use the term , husband , when talking about my husband instead of partner, as that was my preferred term when describing him.

The person informed me that she could not and would not.

Some people seem to be allowed their preferences and others are not, all in the name of inclusivity and equality.

It's just like all the other wank you have to do at work

Yep. And as a charity fundraiser I've had to do Prevent training; I'm on the lookout for donors who are planning terrorist activity.

I wonder what the actual financial costs of all this “training” could be, and how it could enhance core business objectives. As in totally trivial things like increasing shareholder value. Or is making a profit unfashionable now?

a company has every right to instil the culture they want. If you disagree with that and don't want to participate you don't have to stay

They don't actually Or only up to a point.

@jojomolo thanks for good points and also making me laugh Great suggestions here. I have found myself sinking quite low, second guessing, self flaggellating (thanks for that image) so not entirely sure how I plan to respond. Except that it will always be with respect to individuals. Has anyone looked at Helen Pluckrose's book - Cynical Theories? She has some really great things to say on how to move forward progressively through woke mania, while staying kind to individual views.

I don't see anything wrong with that. It's part of ensuring everyone in the workplace feels safe and supported. Change doesn't happen on its own.

Safe? I don’t know what type of places you work in. What about ensuring that women don’t feel unsafe or underpaid? Or that people with disabilities are accommodated first? The driving force behind this movement is none of these.