Decision to 'Move away from the use of the term 'mother'

[Silvetmoon]

Long-time lurker, first time poster.
I've learned a lot from you ladies, but I'm too angry to formulate my thoughts. I'm in Australia, so Aussie mums particularly welcome to reply. Received this email in my inbox the other day from our breastfeeding group, and I'm livid. 'Mother' is a term they are considering moving away from. There's opportunity to give feedback but I. Am. Too. Furious. To. Think. Any suggestions for what to write would be most welcome.
Thank you. And thank you all for getting it.

The email itself:

The [Group Name]'s mission is to create a breastfeeding-inclusive society. In order to do this, we understand the importance of using inclusive language. It has been policy to use gender-inclusive language for a number of years, for example using the term ‘partner’ rather than ‘husband’.

The WHO defines gender-inclusive language as:

Speaking and writing in a way that does not discriminate against a particular sex, social gender or gender identity, and does not perpetuate gender stereotypes. Given the key role of language in shaping cultural and social attitudes, using gender-inclusive language is a powerful way to promote gender equality and eradicate gender bias. Source: United Nations (www.un.org/en/gender-inclusive-language/)

Recently, some members have been in touch to ask whether there are plans to change language, in order to better meet the needs of the LGBTIQA+ community. While there has been some discussion about this, we confirm that no decision has been made to make these changes to our language.

Other community members are concerned that [we've] ...made the decision to move away from the use of the term, ‘mother’ to the more generic term, ‘parent’. Similarly, there has been no decision made about this. We use the term ‘mother’ or ‘mum’ in many contexts such as ‘Some mothers experience mastitis’ while the term ‘parent’ is appropriate in other situations e.g. ‘Parents are welcome at our Breastfeeding Education Classes’.

We do feel that this is an important issue. We plan to conduct a broad community consultation with Australian parents to understand the needs around gender and LGBTIQA+ inclusive language. We would love to receive your feedback and thoughts on this issue at: [email]. All responses received will be included in our consultation process.

I hope this clarifies [Group's] position at this stage, and look forward to updating you on the outcomes of the broad community consultation.

Kind regards,

I would be livid as well. A group that won't correctly name its own members? That wants to render invisible the only people who actually can breastfeed - mothers?!

I hope someone more eloquent than me who be asking soon to help you word a convincing reply!

I'd worry that by making the language unnecessarily complex you'd alienate some women who don't have English as a first language or women from social groups less likely to be supported to breastfeed by peers. These women should be prioritised.

Alison Moyet:

Mother can never be an excluding word. We all will have had at least one. Every single beast of us. if only briefly. If only for a minute.

This.

I have to say i don't see the issue with this. Mothers are parents. No one is being excluded by the use of the word parent, but there may be people who do feel excluded by the use of the word mother. Surely making breastfeeding support as accessible as possible to everyone of all identities can only be a good thing?

See, I read this as them resisting a push to abandon female-centred terms without evidence from members that this is what they want. They are opening a consultation on this (to show they are listening) rather than immediately capitulating. Potentially that’s a positive. I’d say it’s important to have your say, and to encourage others to do so too. If the response is overwhelmingly against an abandonment of the term mother (but perhaps with some additional terms to include those who reject the word for themselves), maybe it won’t happen. Maybe I’m being too Pollyanna?

Thanks for the replies. @umbel I hope you're right!

If the terminology used when I attended a breastfeeding group was that Breastfeeding “parents” are welcome - my now ex would have seen that as an invitation to come along and control further my “parenting” role.

As it was, I was fortunate enough to find a “breastfeeding mothers group” that was for MOTHERS only (except for a few specific information sessions). It was my escape and time to relax and bond with my child without having to be constantly watched and criticised.

Those WOMEN and that safe space for MOTHERS/WOMEN only saved my life.

Sounds to me like they don't want to do it either but are being pushed so had to say something.

The idea of the word mother being verboten as well as woman, girl, female, for women. While they are acceptable to be used for males who identify as such. Is a head fuck and a load of bollocks.

The impact is obvious from this statement
‘Some mothers experience mastitis’ becomes 'some parents experience mastitis'
Only one set of parents experience mastitis - targeting "parents" is useless and irrelevant to 50% of that population.
I suppose you could say "birthing parents" but really whats the point
I would say something if it was me. Being a first time mother is confusing enough without unclear obfuscatory language (I don't think I knew what mastitis was until I had children)

Yes, I read it as other posters have, they're listening.

Birthing parents only refers to the actual point when you're giving birth though surely.

Similar to terms like menstruators. They are inaccurate and fairly hopeless.

They could say for instance.

Some parents who infant feed by chest could experience mastitis...?

I guess this is to include trans people who wish to be men but have breasts that they're feeding the baby with?

It's ridiculous.

THEY can call themselves 'parent' if they want, but if it was me, I would be mother, and that's that.

Some parents who infant feed by chest could experience mastitis...?
Yep. Clear as mud.

I'm not seeing what there is to get angry about - it sounds like they're canvassing opinion rather than immediately adopting one special interest group's preferred terminology, which is a good thing.

Do send them a detailed response though. They've done well so far, using both 'parents' and 'mothers' in the appropriate places and not assuming that every mother is married to a man, but they need to not be jettisoning the word 'mother'. That would be erasing a billion people's identities for the sake of a handful.

My OED has this for mother: a woman in relation to her child or children; a female animal in relation to its offspring.

The breastfeeding parent is always female, on account of female being the label we give to the reproductive system that gestates and lactates. There's nothing offensive or hurtfully exclusive about it.

We use the term ‘mother’ or ‘mum’ in many contexts such as ‘Some mothers experience mastitis’ while the term ‘parent’ is appropriate in other situations e.g. ‘Parents are welcome at our Breastfeeding Education Classes’.

This is what they're currently doing and they are not, at this time, planning to change it? I read the above as that they refer to mothers because only mothers get mastitis but that breast feeding education classes are open to both men and women? So using the word "parent" is appropriate?

I take a PP's point that she wanted breast feeding to be women only. I didn't attend any BF groups and I can totally understand that if I did I wouldn't want the male partner of another BF mum to be there. But the BF sessions I did attend - which were more one on one - DH was encouraged to come with me and it was very helpful as part of it was about supporting the BF mother and understanding how hard it was etc. So I'd suggest that the issue, if there is one, is more about who is allowed to attend such sessions.

As for your feedback, I'd be inclined to say that the current use of language seems perfectly adequate. Mother to refer to women of babies and parents when the issue bing discussed is not necessarily specific to mothers or fathers - eg weaning? I caught a bit of a radio discussion yesterday where they were obviously debating what is the parents' responsibility vs the state's and the interviewer had to catch himself as he started to say , "but surely mothers should be..." and quickly insert, "and fathers".

I think its also getting up my nose as it would make it sound like mastitis was some kind of unpredictable illness that is transmitted by babies. As someone who suffered recurrent mastitis I think clarity around what it is, some of the causes and preventative measures is very important. GPS and mothers don't always recognise it, I know 2 friends who got breat abscesses and had a horrific time because it was discounted as a blocked duct.
This stuff is important for women's health, its not exclusionary to identify who gets this, and its more important to be clear than nice in these cases.

It seems to me that they're doing it right, and hopefully enough people like you will give feedback so that they don't move away from that. From what you posted:

We use the term ‘mother’ or ‘mum’ in many contexts such as ‘Some mothers experience mastitis’ while the term ‘parent’ is appropriate in other situations e.g. ‘Parents are welcome at our Breastfeeding Education Classes’

It sounds like they actually recognise that only women breastfeed and so they use 'mother' when talking about the parent who breastfeeds, but their classes are open to any parents, regardless of whether or not they're the ones doing the feeding. It's obviously a matter of debate whether breastfeeding education should be directed at women or open to all parents, but it seems here like they're actually reinforcing the idea that women breastfeed but all parents can learn about breastfeeding. That's how I read it anyway. I mean, I'm not 100% happy with the need to carry out a consultation process on what should be obvious, but if it helps them to stand firm against a pressure group of trans activists then all to the good. They clearly need to be able to show that x majority of our members felt that the current position strikes the right balance between gender inclusivity and recognising that only one sex carries & breastfeeds babies, however they end up wording that.

The judge in Freddy McConnell's case countered this nonsense quite firmly, at least with respect to UK and common law.

(Freddy wanted to be put down as the "father" of a child).

i) At common law a person whose egg is inseminated in their womb and who then becomes pregnant and gives birth to a child is that child’s “mother”.
ii) The status of being a “mother” arises from the role that a person has undertaken in the biological process of conception, pregnancy and birth.
iii) Being a “mother” or “father” with respect to the conception, pregnancy and birth of a child is not necessarily gender-specific, although until recent decades it invariably was so. It is now possible, and recognised by the law, for a “mother” to have an acquired gender of male, and for a “father” to have an acquired gender of female.
iv) Section 12 of the GRA is both retrospective and prospective. By virtue of that section the status of a person as the father or mother of a child is not affected by the acquisition of gender under the GRA, even where the relevant birth has taken place after the issue of a GRC.

The ruling was that mother IS "gender-inclusive". If you think "woman" or (even "female") is not tied to biological sex then you are mistaken to think that "mother" = "woman" by your definition. Clearly men can also be mothers, if you think that females can be men.

It is remarkably odd that those who insist that everyone else has old-fashioned concepts of gender can't understand this new rainbow world properly. If some men menstruate, then some men are mothers.

www.judiciary.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/McConnell-and-YY-judgment-Final.pdf

I guess I'm the cynical b*tch here because I don't see it as a great sign that they are asking for feedback, I feel like they are just paying lip service with that and they will still stop using the word mother while accusing everyone who gave negative feedback of being a terf.

This didn't came out of nowhere, there is a co-ordinated attack these last few weeks for organisation to stop using the words woman and mother, someone is clearly pushing for this behind the scenes.

The breastfeeding session at my group when Pg the men came. Teacher said new babies will look to feed every 2 hours at least.

Man said with shocked look... What, even during the night? :D

So certainly there is value in everyone involved learning about breastfeeding!

Mothers and parents who breastfeed.

Problem solved. 99% of those accessing will be under the first word and absolutely fine with this. There is no need to erase and devalue the 99% to signal how very caring you are about the maybe 1% at absolute maximum who would prefer an alternative term.

I also find it heartening that they are asking.

I would feedback to them your thoughts. The term mother is accurate. It also covers a holistic approach rather than using different terms such as chest feeders, menstruators etc that they might find they have to use in the same paragraph. (While I have read others accounts that they didn't, I menstruated through breastfeeding. Did that make me a menstruating breastfeeder? or just a mother?).

I'd also ask what they propose. Birthing bodies? Maybe link the 'You're kidding right?' YouTube video.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-TVPQlhEPM&feature=youtu.be&ab_channel=You%27reKiddin%27%2CRight%3F

I'd be interested if they have had push back on using 'mothers and birthing parents' from the community they approached.

Mothers and parents who breastfeed.

Agree, that this is a good compromise. I do not want to see the word mother eradicated, it is too important and includes the majority, however I appreciate others may not feel included by that.

I thought the ‘inclusive’ term was chest feeding, not breast feeding.

But it is still a load of crap. There is nothing wrong with the word MOTHER.

I guess I'm the cynical btch here because I don't see it as a great sign that they are asking for feedback, I feel like they are just paying lip service with that and they will still stop using the word mother while accusing everyone who gave negative feedback of being a terf*

Yep.