Women too young to get tubes tied

[FuckedyFuck]

So I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, I’m the sort that gets pregnant so easily and have got pregnant on various birth control. (I understand I’m lucky in some respect)

I begged them to tie my tube after my last section, they refused as I’m too young (under 35)
It got me thinking about all of this stuff, why am I as a woman not allowed to decide I’m done having kids until I’m 35 but if I said I was trans, I could be made permanently infertile at 18.

I understand the comments of gender dysphoria being distressing but for me personally, I find this position I’m in quite difficult too.

Why are some women denied the decision to remove fertility but other people not? I could change my mind but so could many people about different procedures?

I hope this makes sense. Wondered what feminist opinions were.

I know this isn't AIBU but YANBU.

I think puberty blockers are a future health scandal. Especially when today's teenagers reach their 30s and realise what has been allowed to happen to them.

I agree its madness.

Are you sure that they refused you because of age? I also asked if I could be sterilised at the same time as having my c section and they refused not because of my age (31 at the time) but because they don't act on decisions re sterilisation taken whilst pregnant. They said that I had to wait until DC2 was a year old. In the end dh had a vasectomy.

This has happened with so many people and bewilders me too. Being over 18 registers being a legal adult. Or, if female, a childlike semi-adult silly little thing who doesn't know her own mind. What is the law on this?

As you say, you can change sex at 18 (or join the army, get married, get a mortgage or produce another human). I wonder if a hypothetical 18 year old man could have a vasectomy because he had rational reasons, or even just because he asked for it?

I also wonder what the situation would be for the two surgeries, if done privately, obviously the cost for the more invasive female operation would be higher, but would there be unquestioned willingness to do either procedure?

I'm musing about what would happen if you ask for the tube tying while accompanied by your (fake or not) lawful weedy hubby, who has as many children as he can support, but is "too squeamish" for the snip, and in any case you, dear little wifey, prefer to have charge of the contraception side, you funny, bossy little thing you.

hmm..You can probably tell this topic treads on some sore toes! Baroness Cumberledge noted that when women speak they are ignored by the medical profession. If she had read 'Invisible Women' she would know it isn't only by the medical profession

I'm not sure about a feminist perspective, but from my perspective it is absolutely disgusting for any adult to be denied sterilisation on the basis of informed consent.

I agree OP, that age is much too high. It should be 21 at most.
I wonder if the intent was to encourage more men to get vasectomies? Because really, the male half of a couple that should be getting sterilised, not the female half when you look at safety, outcome, recovery, pain, etc.

The point is consent.

An adult woman is capable of understanding what removal of infertility is. We have statistics on reversal chances, side effects, etc etc. You should be entitled to choose once you've been given the relevant info.

Young teens cannot comprehend the loss of fertility. They aren't being treated specifically to remove it, it's a side issue. There are few studies on desistance, future health impacts etc etc

But it's patriarchy innit. Women can't choose their ability to reproduce, that's a man decision for men.

It's horrific and wrong on all levels.

they don't act on decisions re sterilisation taken whilst pregnant.

What's the reasoning? That you may change your mind? That it's a turbulent time not good for decision making.

Nothing like going through adolescence of course.

At my booking in appointment with DC2, the questionnaire explicitly asked if I wished to be sterilised after this birth. Midwife ticked no. I had to force her to cross that out and tick yes. She insisted I couldn't possibly know yet how I'd feel until after baby arrived.

Bullshit. I knew then that I would never want more than 2 children.

Midwife appointment at home about a week after the birth, we were asked about our contraception plans. I reminded her that I want to be sterilised. Apparently it was "too soon" to discuss it.

6-week check up with the GP I mentioned it again. "Sure, I will refer you". No prizes for guessing the GP sex!

Meet with an incredulous consultant. "Just have a coil, easier all round". He did not like my response: "easier for everyone except me - I want to be sterilised. Are you refusing?"

Suddenly the tone changed, "it's better for baby if you wait a full year" but he couldn't tell me why.

My GP phoned when the consultant letter came back: apparently I wanted a copper coil?!

I waited exactly 1 year and went back to that consultant, told him I'd jumped through his hoops and now I wanted to be sterilised.
"Why can't your husband have a vasectomy?" He asked. "Are you denying me medical treatment based on my husband's health choices?". That shut him up - forms were duly signed and op booked in.

It took over 2 years but I got my op.

Husband incidentally also got a vasectomy, and do you know that NOT ONCE was he asked to explain himself, or defend why I wouldn't just be taking hormonal contraceptives. From beginning to end (about 8 weeks) he was treated as a grown up and taken seriously.

Funny, eh?

I got mine tied during a c-section for my second at 28. I had a traumatic first birth and there was no issues made at all regarding this. Luck of the draw depending on the midwife/consultant.

A friend of mine did not want, and had never wanted kids. She was still being refused sterilisation at 37 as she might have 'change her mind'. She'd been requesting it for 15 years at that point.

I now think she should have just told them she had gender dysphoria and she would have been far more likely to get the surgery....

Bit of a rant... sorry.

I am currently going through this now.

I am 29 (almost 30), always known I never wanted children ever since I was a little girl.

I finally got referred a couple of months ago as my mirena coil is now due for replacement.... I was denied sterilisation by the female consultant. (I told her that I would see her in a couple of months. Went on to my GP’s website, asked to be referred again and they have sent another referral that day, waiting for appointment now).

She gave me the spiel on complications, even suggested that as I am skinny, there would be more risk of complications (I am overweight according to BMI) and I reiterated that I would happily gain weight to secure this surgery.

I don’t want to take hormones ever again. My mother is now dying of hormone led cancer with no more treatment options available. I pointblank refuse to put synthetic hormones into my body now and I don’t want a copper coil, also I am a married woman, so the idea of going back to using condoms is not very appealing to me.

She asked whether my husband could have a vasectomy, I replied that how would that help me if I was sexually attacked or if I wanted to leave him?

If they want to waste both of our time, then I am fine to play that game, their time is probably more valuable than mine. Doesn’t stop me feeling aggrieved that they think I am incapable of making a decision on my life direction when I am a married 30 year old woman who has been working, paying her bills and generally adulting for the last 10(ish) years, yet a child whose grain is still developing is allowed to make that choice.

Her whole attitude changed when she asked if I had ever been pregnant or had an abortion and I told her no on both accounts. I have always been so bloody careful. It seemed to me that she thought that since I hadn’t been pregnant, how could I not know that I didn’t want it?

I have told my GP that I will do whatever it takes to get myself sterilised at this point, If that means purposely getting pregnant just to have an abortion to meet some bullshit tickbox exercise then I will hold my nose and do it.

Being a reasonable and rational woman doesn’t get you want you medically need apparently, so maybe if I use the same threats of being a danger to myself that young trans people use to get their own way, I might get mine?

Rant over. Just so frustrated right now. :(

I've been asking to be sterilised since I was 16. I'm now 37 and they still won't do it because " you might change your mind". It's bloody infuriating

I’m so sorry for you. A friend was repeatedly refused a sterilisation on the same terms and she had to get nearly killed by the tenth pregnancy before she was sterilised.

I am going through this at the minute. Severe PMDD that has become debilitating, repeatedly requested a hysterectomy, always told I might change my mind (I’m 28). It’s so bloody patronising. I’m a grown woman, I’m capable of making an informed decision, why will no one listen? I’m starting to think going private is my only option.

I asked after the birth of my DC I was refused. I asked again a few years on, (after bringing it up regularly when going in regarding birth control) still no, I'm too young, 'You may change your mind.' I'm 28, married, one-and-done. I think it's ridiculous that I can't make decisions about my own body, treated in a childlike manner with the phrase about changing my mind. DH got a vasectomy within three weeks of a GP visit.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
Snip snip.

Is it money? Is it a more complicated operation than a vasectomy? I believe a vasectomy is considered easily reversible. I doubt a tubal ligation is quite as easy to reverse. What about the anaesthetic? Is a vasectomy done under local or general? If local, that must reduce the cost a lot. Thinking about the anatomy, the tubes are inside the body and the testicles aren't. Does that make the operation simpler?

I was fortunate. As I approached, 40, in the late 1990s, I knew I didn't want to have any more children. I told my GP I wanted to have my tubes tied. I got a referral to the local hospital and it was done a few weeks/months later as day surgery. No regrets.

I'm sure my husband would have had a vasectomy but I was set on having my tubes tied as I was quite positive I didn't want to be pregnant again, no matter what happened in my life - divorce from my children's father, rape, anything. I was strongly influenced by remembering that friends had told us that when they discussed this the woman felt as I did whereas the man thought if he embarked on another relationship he might want to have another child. This is one of the key differences between male humans and female humans. There are huge risks for a woman and her baby if she becomes pregnant later in her fertile years. Men have the luxury of being fertile for far longer, with nothing like the impact on their lives of generating a pregnancy.

Had my 3rd at 29
Planned section
They asked me if I wanted to be sterilised at the same time. I thought they were joking

I am in favour of not deciding these things during pregnancy. I’ve had eight booking in appointments with the midwife. I do not have eight children. When a large percentage of pregnancies won’t end in live births I don’t think you can predict how you are going to feel. Of course, vasectomy should be offered on the same terms.

I was very fortunate compared to many women in that my GP immediately referred me, age 33 with 2 children, without question. The consultant involved just got on with treating me, no further questions asked.

It seems to be a combination of HCP's trying to stop NHS funds going towards optional and expensive procedures and a misogynistic and patronising belief that women are unable to make rational decisions about there own fertility.

I haven't rft but at 31 with crippling periods due to endo/polyps which make my life hell, I was refused sterilisation because "now you've lost one, you'll want another and then you'll regret it. We can't in good conscience go ahead with that"
I have two wanted children. Lost our third, which had such devastating mental impact that I KNOW I cannot have another for fear of that poor child failing to be the child we lost. An impossible and cruel thing to impose. My family is complete.

The gp apologised formally after my complaint- but still, unshifting upon their stance.

Meanwhile, whilst the complaint went ahead- my dh (33) organised the snip, had it done, and recovered. I didn't have to go with him for appointments. He didn't have to justify his choice- once they knew he had a children and wanted no more- that was enough. They didn't consult me (my doctor refused to discuss without dh present!) they didn't offer counselling (they offered me counselling instead of sterilisation - that's not what I asked for and regardless, I'm paying my own!) they just respected his autonomy of his own body and snipped what he wanted snipping.

Would that I could be a man for all medical procedures

In the 70’s my DF had to agree to my DM having her tubes tired. She is still bitter now in her 80’s. Luckily for my DM my DF couldn’t sign them quick enough.

Women are basically seen as walking uteruses by the medical establishment, and, to an extent, by wider society. You can take the "woman" out of the reproductive system, but god forbid you take the reproductive system out of the woman!

As for the possibility of changing one's mind... You could use that as a rationale to prevent a person from making literally any decision at all. So what if some women do change their mind and regret sterilisation?! Plenty of women bitterly regret having kids! There have been countless threads on that topic on here. Why don't people - medics - suggest to women in their twenties that they're "too young" to make the life-changing decision to have children? Because this is seen as the logical, natural choice - the right choice: our biological destiny. Women who don't want children are seen as unnatural - not of sound mind. And what about abortion? There are women who regret having abortions, too, but that isn't a reason to deny women the option. Facing the potentially negative consequences of one's choices is part of being an adult. It's infantilising bullshit and an absolute disgrace.

"You might change your mind" actually means, "You ought to change your mind". It's a moral issue.

I think for doctors part of the background for this is that it really isn't uncommon for women to change their minds, especially when they are in their 20s or early 30s. I think a lot of the response it luck depending on the doctor, as I've also heard lots of stories of women who felt they were being pressured into sterilisation, particularly if they have more kids than are usual.

I'd be interested to know if men change their minds very often. I've never really heard.

The fact that young people are allowed to make such a decision in terms of transition is just crazy.

@Justsaynoclowns

In the 70’s my DF had to agree to my DM having her tubes tired. She is still bitter now in her 80’s. Luckily for my DM my DF couldn’t sign them quick enough.

My dog had a vasectomy in 1999 after DC2 was born.

The consent form.included a box for me to sign saying I was aware that the procedure was taking place. It wasn't mandatory for me to sign, and it wasnt me giving consent, but I guess if I hadn't signed the dr might have had more discussion with dh about the op before going ahead.

I'd be interested to know if men change their minds very often. I've never really heard.

From a quick Google apparently 6-10 percent of men get their vasectomy reversed.

I'm on the fence. I can see why they are reluctant to do it as it's fairly major surgery (compared to a vasectomy in particular) and the fact that it is so permanent. I think they are much keener to do it if you are having a C Section because:
A) they are opening you up anyway so doesn't add much in the way of risk or money; and
B) having lots of C section births is risky (eg in terms of risks like placenta accreta), so it is quite sensible to get sterilised after 2 or 3 C sections even if you would ideally like a larger family.

Anecdotally I know a woman who was adamant in her late 20s that she and her husband didn't want kids and had quite compelling reasons for this decision, and her DH also didn't want kids and got a vasectomy. Now in their mid-thirties they've both changed their minds (after being around various nephews and nieces) and her DH tried to get his vasectomy reversed but it failed. I guess doctors must see people change their minds quite a lot.