Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

How to stop this man

60 replies

Mydogisagentleman · 06/10/2020 09:01

Was a very regular poster, but had a 10 year or so break.
My daughter had an awful relationship from 16-17 with a boy who was coercive, a liar and a rapist.
Our daughter split up with him after about a 10 month relationship and was initially upset. She’s a private person so me and her dad didn’t pry.
Eventually her self harming (which she would never discuss or acknowledge ) led to her asking me to take her to hospital for stitches.
On the way home, she told me that he had regularly raped her.
I contacted our local rape crisis centre and took her for an initial meeting.
Daughter and the team there concluded that pursuing a charge against him would not be in her interests or have any realistic chance of success. She met with the counsellors alone.
She left for university last week and has met someone who has also been sexually assaulted by him.
Is there anything that they can do? Her new friend wants them to put posters up in his town when they return for Xmas, I have already said it is a bad idea.
Their argument is that they can possibly save another woman experiencing what they have

OP posts:
ParkingFeud · 10/02/2021 18:23

Good luck and well done to your very brave daughter and friends!

Gatehouse77 · 10/02/2021 18:24

What a credit to you and your parenting to have a daughter who will stand up for herself and others. She sounds fantastic.
I hope the outcome is as it should be and really glad to hear it's been escalated - great validation for your daughter.

twinklystar23 · 10/02/2021 21:34

Hi OP I work with victims and ANY allegation even if unproven is logged. Even in the worst scenario that he gets away with it, this time, it will only be a matter of time.... would advise to keep your daughter grounded on the fact ot will be down to evidence, if the CPS decide to prosecute. If not, its only down to hard evidence. Fingers crossed he will be tried and convicted.

Mydogisagentleman · 11/02/2021 08:49

Twinklystar. We have had that conversation. He is on some sort of list held by the police that future partners could check from the initial complaint that she made.

OP posts:
highame · 11/02/2021 08:50

Flowers I was wondering, before I got to this update, whether meeting someone who had also been a victim might have really helped your daughter, I think victims of sexual violence often feel isolated and this makes them feel powerless. I am so glad a chance meeting at Uni has proved to be so successful and hopefully this will help more of his victims come forward.

IM0GEN · 11/02/2021 08:53

That’s a great update OP. Best wishes to your DD and the other young women - I hope he gets put away.

Martinisarebetterdirty · 11/02/2021 08:55

OP your daughter is amazing - you can tell her that she has made strangers proud of her. I wish you both all the very best Flowers

Melange99 · 11/02/2021 08:58

Well done her.

Franke · 11/02/2021 09:02

What a brave, strong young woman your daughter is. Whether he is convicted now or in the future, she has taken control and stood up for what is right. And your quiet support will have had a big part to play in helping her to find that strength.

IdblowJonSnow · 11/02/2021 09:08

Good news op. There are, unfortunately, more people like this than we'd like to think out there. One less would be amazing.

Mydogisagentleman · 11/02/2021 09:11

Thanks for the kind words.
I wish I could share some of his more ludicrous comments about our family.
I won’t just in case, but suffice to say that I don’t recognise myself or husband from his description. Nor the house, we seem to have lost 2 bedrooms and a bathroom, or our dog who appears to have put on 30kg and needed to be punched in the face to stop him killing a cat.not all heroes wear capes. Tosspot

OP posts:
grey12 · 11/02/2021 09:23

You HAVE to contact the police!!

Even if nothing comes out of it, he is a rapist and your daughter is not his only victim. He HAS to be in the record!!! If it happens again they know he is a repeat offender

CaraDuneRedux · 11/02/2021 09:25

Your daughter is fabulous as are her friends - so brave. Flowers

JorisBonson · 11/02/2021 09:32

@grey12

You HAVE to contact the police!!

Even if nothing comes out of it, he is a rapist and your daughter is not his only victim. He HAS to be in the record!!! If it happens again they know he is a repeat offender

Please RTFT. OP's daughter is very bravely working with the police.
justilou1 · 11/02/2021 09:46

I’m so very proud of you both! I was gang raped at 14. The nature of my relationship with my mother was never good, and if I had told her, the whole thing would have been a drama about how it had affected her, and I would have had no right to privacy, etc.... I’m 49 this year and have been receiving treatment for CPTSD. (Partly because of the rape and partly because of parental abuse.) Because I have come so far with my treatment and feel so mentally well for the first time ever, I firmly believe that with support like your daughter has from you, the police and her friend (and the other girls), she is going to flourish! Congratulations!!!!

ArabellaScott · 11/02/2021 09:49

So very well done to your daughter, OP. Amazing that she is turning such a harrowing situation into one where she is helping others. You must be very proud. Wishing you both all the best. Flowers

malloo · 11/02/2021 11:29

Good for her, that takes a lot of courage, and well done you for raising her! It's so important that these things get logged, even if the justice system is still shockingly bad when it comes to rape. If every woman reports then the evidence will stack up against these vile men.

DdraigGoch · 11/02/2021 12:24

Well done on her and the other victims for speaking up. When there isn't hard evidence (injuries, recordings etc.) it can be really hard for a jury to pick the bones of a "he said, she said" case. With several independent witnesses now in the frame though, the chances of a conviction are pretty good.

It's now really important that she follows the advice that the police give her (I trust that she never went ahead with the poster idea). Any contact between her and the other victims may give the defence an excuse to allege that there's a conspiracy.

DdraigGoch · 11/02/2021 12:27

@Mydogisagentleman

Just had a WhatsApp. CID are now involved. She’s a different person!
Of course she is, she's no longer a victim (to be pitied), she's a survivor (to be admired).
Mydogisagentleman · 11/02/2021 15:23

It’s all go, she’s really got a bee in her bonnet. She remembered that he made some sort of sex tape of her when she was just 16. She told me today that she will make sure that the police check his phone (I am sure if it gets that far it’s one of the first things they will do).
It seems that reporting it has loosened some memories
I offered to drive to see her on my next day off work. She assures me she is fine.
I hope so. She does have a personality disorder that I am sure was worsened by him. I haven’t heard her sound so up beat for a long while.

OP posts:
Deathraystare · 11/02/2021 15:39

His wife said "not again" when she opened the door to the police I would be saying a bit more than that!!!

thosetalesofunexpected · 11/02/2021 16:21

@Mydogisagentleman

I think you need to find out about how to put in a story in a local newspaper along the lines of encouraging any other victims of this sexual Predator.
(so that other victims too have the Cofindence/the opportunity to speak up in cofindential way.

(this will obviously will help back up a potential court case in the future.

(Also the university this Arsehole attends.
(Can you op find out/speak to who is the person who support/helps students in that rolerole
and state your concerns to see if this matter can be taken up further along?
(Does that person have any concerns about this individual or know any Lecturers/or students have in the past or recently had concerns/issues about this Arsehole ex boyfriend?

Also ask this students support person is it possible, about how university Can make it possible to have a Talk to students about students safety Presentation/discussion such as safety personal safety iniatives awareness on issues such as Rape , One Punch kills issue for men, safety at work such as the Lampagh trust charity that gives good advice for women to protect themselves at work,especially Lone workers it was set up by the infamous 80s case when a female estate agent dispeared never to be seen again and various other issues that affects students.

Find out if there is someone higher up who could ensure that this happens.
Be assertive about this,do not give up op

thosetalesofunexpected · 11/02/2021 16:27

@Mydogisagentleman

Oops sorry l ment to say about encouraging possible other victims to come forward speak out.

Just wondering is there a way your daughter and her friend stories could be told in a cofindential way in a local newspaper with their possibilities of encourage other possible victims to have Cofindence to speak up.

Hence back up your daughter and her friends harrowing rape experiences with the possibility of a court case being much stronger evidence for police and court case too.

peak2021 · 11/02/2021 16:41

Thank you for updating us and I hope your daughter and the other victim can get justice.

Mydogisagentleman · 11/02/2021 18:04

@thosetalesofunexpected only she is at university, he works in a burger place.
Tragically it seems that it isn’t just local people involved, he lived around 40 miles from us.
She has found another woman who is 50 odd miles further away from us.
It seems he is using tinder and now has has transport

OP posts: