Go offline?

[Korimiko]

I’m an irregular poster here but have been galvanised over the last five years on the subject that dares not speak its name in public.

I have become very despondent about the mainstream media advocating the old Orwellian 2 + 2 = 5 concept. In short I feel utterly alone, but ironically that doesn’t stop me often finding myself first thing in the morning, logging on Twatter and Bragbook etc to see what’s happened overnight on the other side of the globe in this war against women.

Doing this does not engender (mind the pun and maybe even a malapropism) a good start to my day. The pronouned anime hate threats, the local MPs having a dig, the ‘movie star’ slebs, and every other conformist that has never read a tree book stating that ‘TWAW’ and ‘DIE IN A GREASE FIRE TERF’ (to put it mildly) have had me clutching for my smelling salts.

I’m just wondering if the online fight is worth it. We know the online world is dictated to by a bunch of (mostly) white male tech brats. why are we putting more money in their pockets, when they control the strings? How can we take this fight offline away from them?

I for one am suffering Immensely from the online onslaught of so called friends posting anti female videos in the name of social justice. Friends who I can no longer trust to speak my truth around. How wrong is that?! I worry that as I cascade into online debate (well I don’t debate, I just lurk) I become more isolated and more susceptible to these online culture wars that are driving our society apart.

My mental health on this issue has taken a real dive (and I’m not even openly GC...imagine what JK rowling is going through at the moment).

I am thinking about stepping away from It all. I don’t think I’m brave and strong enough to fight this important fight. the women on here - you - whom I have read over the years are amazing, brave warriors. You have taught me so much, but also awakened me when maybe I would have preferred to be ignorant. I don’t know how much to thank you. Sometimes though, I wish I’d never found you.

I never use twitter and I unfollow anyone on Facebook who posts political content, regardless of whether or not I agree with them. You can follow political developments without using these platforms.

I think that’s wise advice stripesnomore.

Everyone needs some downtime from social media.

There is plenty to do in the real world.

However, the online social space is not just for bullying hatemongers. Fill it with nice and useful stuff and mute the idiots

I like your no nonsense approach. I guess I have gone down a bit of a rabbit hole. Thank you for your advice.

I think the SM fight is important but I loathe SM and want no part of it.

I do post here, but that's it.

Do what suits you and makes you feel strong.

I left Facebook a couple of years ago, and I do not go on Twitter (except today to support some people taking on this cause in Ireland.

I think you will enjoy your life more if you come off these platforms. I even doubted myself this morning for returning to twitter even if it was only to support some people in this cause.

There's no need to observe the ugliest of misogyny happening to pretty much pathologically concerning levels, online or anywhere else. We know it happens, we've got the examples needed to make the case to the establishment that it exists and there's good reason for strong boundaries to exist, but no one needs to soak in it. You might as well be watching some bloke alone with a magazine and a box of mansized tissues.

There's the idea across every culture historically, I think the Jewish tradition states it as if you look at evil it starts to look back at you. Seeing avidly, gleefully violent stuff anywhere as a female is deeply disturbing and upsetting: most of us would be lucky enough to never have met someone who speaks and behaves like that in reality, and would run a mile if we did. Those here who have escaped relationships with one generally are excellent teachers of other women in how to deal with and avoid it, and those who deal with them in the course of their work get paid to deal with it, have professional distance and get to walk away at the end of the working day. The important stuff is the information sharing and the contacting of MPs and others, the support of groups that are ensuring womens rights aren't dismantled.

I know how you feel, I don't feel I can walk away either even when this is really getting me down and it feels like being stuck in a grim time in history to be alive as a female. But I control what I choose to give mental energy and space to.

You might as well be watching some bloke alone with a magazine and a box of mansized tissues.

😂

It's a tricky one - I gave up social media 4 years ago and I'm so happy I did. I also haven't been on here for ages but have now come back mainly to do with the couple of examples in Ireland where women's rights are in jeopardy.

However it can become all consuming and it makes me furious so I totally get what your saying about would you be better being unaware of what is happening. We all need to mind our mental health.

I did go down a rabbit hole when the repeal the 8th was happening in Ireland and it did become slightly obsessive. I did have to step away for a while

Do what's best for you

I posted the Times Keira Bell article on Facebook today, and received questions and support. A few fellow teachers thanked me for raising it in relation to safeguarding, which should always be everyone's primary concern.

I presented it like this: nothing trumps safeguarding. Children emerging unharmed into the adult world should be number one on everyone's agenda, regardless of views on contentious issues. Anything that distracts us from this priority is just noise, it is not meaningful contribution to the debate. Anyone disagreeing with safeguarding hasn't got a leg to stand on.

Nobody has dared disagree yet, although I expect they will!

I took about a two year break from all of this when the hatred and dismissal of women's voices and concerns (and existence) started to get too much for me. I've been "back" for a couple of years now. I use Twitter but when it gets too much, I generally stick to Mumsnet where there is far less spite.

I don't know how to take things fully offline. I write to my MP and sign petitions, but I do not have a way to keep informed or to contact any other women in this debate without the internet. If there are any groups set up purely for women who are working on taking action then I would be interested to join. It would be nice to have a "safe space". I'm in a Facebook group which did serve that purpose, but it seemed to have got a bit splintered during my two year break and isn't used much now.

Best thing I can advise is to take regular short breaks from social media. Stick to Mumsnet if it gets too much, and regular walks in the fresh air (though have had non stop rain where I am!) And don't forget that social media is generally not representative of real life. I hope none of that sounds patronising but I know how much it overwhelmed me back when I took my long break, and I try to follow my own advice.

I think your wish to log off, so to speak, is perfectly natural.

However, being online DOES count. That is where a lot of politicians and people with influence hang out. You can get a poster taken down too apparently by unofficial complaints on Twitter (like happened to the JK poster). Unfortunately, that also gives a very skewed view of society. So many people do not discuss politics online or on Twitter, and I feel their opinions are listened to less & less. I think one of the main reasons why more women aren't more politically active online, is quite frankly a lot of them are juggling so many caring responsibilities that they don't have the time. Compare that with a young, single male who might be able to spend all day doing this or that online.

One thing that stuck out from you post was this -

speak my truth around

I really, really dislike this term. It has been popularised by younger millennials than I and Gen Z, and it has come over from the U.S I would say. 'My truth' is nonsense. 'My truth' is a vague, spacey term for 'my opinion', but they don't like that term because 'my truth' sound softer, easier, more likable......and less disputable. 'My opinion' can be disputed, argued with, whereas 'my truth' is something that you cannot dispute because well.....it's their truth maaaan.

I feel similarly @Korimiko - and posted a question on another post about how to detach. I feel I can’t leave twitter as I use it for work but it’s become half work, half GC feminism. I like coming on here to keep informed. I left FB a while ago and it was a positive step but don’t feel I can leave Twatter. It might just be a mental thing and I can carry on doing my job without it. I also wish I didn’t know what I know! I’m not sure what the answer is. What I see is so depressing, but then there have been victories. And I know I would like a front row view when the house of cards comes tumbling. If it does.

I could written your post OP. I have definitely fallen down the rabbit hole in the last few months especially.

I put my name to the JK Rowling letter and have been on a state of heightened fear ever since. I'm in Children's publishing and several colleagues have put their name to the 'counter' Guardian letter (which is not really counter to anything). While I've seen other publishing types are trying to galvanise everyone in publishing from agents to designers to sign a letter supporting trans rights (I do support trans rights, as I do all rights). But it just stinks of tit for tat and bullying to me.

I feel I'm expected to do Twitter to promote my books and my publishers. However, I'm seriously thinking of telling them I'm out (for now). I can't take it. The sheer anger about it all is taking over my mental health and I can't afford to do that.

I have to give up my Twitter habit. I will miss the lovely tweets from readers and lovely book people etc but I need to.

@Milicentbystander72 I’m publicly GC. It hasn’t yet backfired on me. I know there are some people in the industry who might not take my calls but not loads (yet). Like you I know a lot of people who signed that Guardian letter. They should be embarrassed and ashamed. I would be on seeing the stories like Kiera Bell’s being reported. I’m amazed people aren’t stepping back and questioning the ideology. But yes, if Twitter is getting too much, you have to do what you have to do. 💐

I'm not on twitter or FB, just MN. I occasionally go cold turkey off here for periods of time too.

You might want to see if you can find a local ReSisters group to link up with if you want someone online.

Smallpug thanks for your post. I find it positive (I'll grab into anything these days!). I applaud you for being openly GC. I guess if anyone scratched beneath the surface of Twitter they would find I am too.

I think yesterday I got spooked because my old lit agent was on that Guardian letter as well as some friends and clients of my current Agent. It all felt a bit too close. Almost like I couldn't look.

I'm not in a good place right now anyway, because my lovely mum died suddenly only a few weeks ago. I've only just got back to my desk. I'm feeling pretty angry about stuff in general and I think my current checking of Twitter isn't helping!

I think I'll go back to Audiobooks and lurking until I feel I can women-up a bit

I've just signed for a new Feminist journal/newsletter coming out so I hope that occupies me a bit.

millicent. Do whatever works for you. There are loads of women, it's fine for some of us to take time out when we need to look after ourselves (or family etc).

I don't do Twitter. I've learned all I know about this topic from the MN feminism board, and generally the only other stuff I look at on other sites is stuff that people link to on threads on here. That way, at least when I see things that depress me or make my blood boil, it's within the context of a conversation on here amongst intelligent women who have women's and girls' best interests at heart.

I closed down my fb account only this week. It was unhealthy, I was unhappy, and the last straw was fb "liking" posts for me that I never would have liked (I duckduckgoed, it does happen) so I ran screaming. Not on Twitter. Only MN, and sometimes that is too much. Not the posters but the content of the posts, the things women have to deal with every day.

Just keep in mind SM is not real. If it was, Labour would have won the election. Be willing to shut that door because pretty well all you will lose is the aggro.

Its very difficult, but I think sometimes we are lead to believe that what is said on social media is the most important thing.

but for instance twitter has far fewer subscribers than most other platforms. And it only gets its signifigance because msm finds its an easy and cheap way to create articles. They imply these are facts, when in fact they are little more than reporting a shouting match at some seedy pub where the same bunch of drunks meet every day and end up shouting at each other.

Sometimes I think we need IRL letter writing groups and each time a newspaper prints a news story about something going on on twitter we should write in and say the story is meaningless.

Sometimes I think social media is in fact another example of patriarchal control. It takes up our time and energy but leads no where. It is a cul de sac.

For myself I have found it is possible to be on facebook and just remain in touch with those you can have honest discussion with. (Partly because others have unfriended me for being GC )

But definitely agree that at any time you feel a bit low or fragile, just dont bother. None of this is the real world.

It is more worrying that the MSM is so willing to just go with the whole TWAW, but if you look at the example of say WPUK and others, it shows that shared actions and campaigns can have an impact.

So for instance just follow WPUK and others on facebook. Reading info and responses from those you share opinions with can be positive.

Allowing randon strangers to impact on your life isn't healthy any more than if every morning when you walked down the street people shouted at you and you felt they had to be listened to.

I hadn't really thought about this until now, but I dont bother to check any social media in the morning. But stick with news programmes.

And these is always mumsnet. No need to go anywhere else.

Milicentbystander72 - sorry for your loss. It must be a hard time for you.

Thanks Stumbledin. I'm ok but I'm aware I'm not talking about it to anyone and it unhealthy. It was all so quick and traumatic.

I talked with my agent about coming back to work (autumn is always a crazy time for me) as I felt I needed to occupy myself, but I've found I'm getting angry at people. Normally Twitter doesn't get me down so much as I keep it light, positive and professional. It's just all the shit this week with the open letters and seeing names really close to home signing seemingly against the condemning of JKR online really upset me.

But it's probable I'm getting it out of proportion

Sometimes I think social media is in fact another example of patriarchal control. It takes up our time and energy but leads no where. It is a cul de sac.

Agree.