Go offline?

[Korimiko]

I’m an irregular poster here but have been galvanised over the last five years on the subject that dares not speak its name in public.

I have become very despondent about the mainstream media advocating the old Orwellian 2 + 2 = 5 concept. In short I feel utterly alone, but ironically that doesn’t stop me often finding myself first thing in the morning, logging on Twatter and Bragbook etc to see what’s happened overnight on the other side of the globe in this war against women.

Doing this does not engender (mind the pun and maybe even a malapropism) a good start to my day. The pronouned anime hate threats, the local MPs having a dig, the ‘movie star’ slebs, and every other conformist that has never read a tree book stating that ‘TWAW’ and ‘DIE IN A GREASE FIRE TERF’ (to put it mildly) have had me clutching for my smelling salts.

I’m just wondering if the online fight is worth it. We know the online world is dictated to by a bunch of (mostly) white male tech brats. why are we putting more money in their pockets, when they control the strings? How can we take this fight offline away from them?

I for one am suffering Immensely from the online onslaught of so called friends posting anti female videos in the name of social justice. Friends who I can no longer trust to speak my truth around. How wrong is that?! I worry that as I cascade into online debate (well I don’t debate, I just lurk) I become more isolated and more susceptible to these online culture wars that are driving our society apart.

My mental health on this issue has taken a real dive (and I’m not even openly GC...imagine what JK rowling is going through at the moment).

I am thinking about stepping away from It all. I don’t think I’m brave and strong enough to fight this important fight. the women on here - you - whom I have read over the years are amazing, brave warriors. You have taught me so much, but also awakened me when maybe I would have preferred to be ignorant. I don’t know how much to thank you. Sometimes though, I wish I’d never found you.

@Milicentbystander72 sorry for your loss. I get it - I don’t think it’s out of proportion. I feel really let down by the people who have signed too. And I haven’t recently had a family death.

It's just all the shit this week with the open letters and seeing names really close to home signing seemingly against the condemning of JKR online really upset me

Milicent
Sorry, it sounds like an awful time for you
But... Those people who have signed the letter in support of JKR are surely on your side? Should be seen as a good thing?

So sorry for your loss Millicent.
I’d agree with everyone else’s wise words. Grief is so painful and exhausting, I hope that you will reserve what energy you have for yourself, for as long as you need to.
This whole thing will still be here if and when you feel ready to come back to it.
I am expecting this to be a lifetime’s political to and fro. This is just the latest form of misogyny and men’s sexual entitlement campaigning, which has always been with us.

Like others have said, I also take breaks whenever I need to, including from MN. I keep off other social media and try to find other ways of keeping up with issues and organisations I care about. I’m on a lot of email mailing lists now!
Take care of yourself.

You might notice I don't post here as much as I used to. I deleted Twitter ages ago (and still keep up my novena for it's complete destruction for the betterment of society) and hardly have time to dip into most social media settings and forums.

This is a quite deliberate thing. While the internet is a significant medium for effective communication, I see it's worth as a notice board for what is taking place away from the energy sapping, cortisol inducing time vacuum of the virtual world.

I'm involved with a number of bits of action, but it is something I endeavour to keep in balance with rest of my life, because my family and career is important to me too, and I know how important my mental health is.

I've said this before, but it bears repeating - feminism is not a cult, we do not demand your martyrdom. You matter. That is the whole damned point. You make a difference by being healthy and happy, so please make wise decisions to make sure that is a priority for you.

OP I know how you feel - especially 'I wish I hadn't met you' sometimes.

There are ways to get involved off social media. But even on social media it might be possible to use it to chat to like minded people only, by curating your feed & blocking and muting.

Off social media, if there is a Resisters branch near you you could contact them. Keep your social media accounts (rather than deleting) in case you need to prove you are genuine.

Because of covid it looks like wpuk meetings are online, so you could sign up for one of them. The declaration on women's sex-based rights also does international webinars. I'm not sure if filia or any other groups do similar online events.

One or two gc feminists have newsletters you can sign up for. And there is the new feminist magazine coming soon from Jane clare jones & friends. No interactive but you might feel like you are keeping in touch.

You can give a little money to the various crowd funders and then you get updates.

Most of the campaigns have web sites and blogs you can check. If you are in a political party you could get in touch with their women's declaration group.

Social media can be nasty, & even though its important its not the be all and end all.

I have to give up my Twitter habit. I will miss the lovely tweets from readers and lovely book people etc but I need to.

Same - I've written a cross-over academic book that's now taught in schools and have had to say good bye to interacting with teachers who use it. It's sad, but I just had to come off Twitter.

I found it horrible watching people in my profession patting themselves on the back for being such great trans allies. When you log in, you just never know what you will see - and I repeatedly found myself feeling awful because I'd read something I found distasteful, distressing, annoying on both women's rights and a host of other issues. I also felt a horrible fraud, because I'd see GC stuff I strongly agreed with and could never like/comment as I have student-facing roles that would extremely difficult to do if people knew me as GC. It was a great decision and I'm so glad I did it.

I do still look at Twitter as it's a fantastic source for GC feminism, but without an account so more like internet browsing than SM

it does all get a bit much sometimes, and I think the restrictions we are under make it much worse- you might be able to find a group of like minded women IRL but in many parts of the country you wouldn't be able to actually meet them!

I've created a thread of some forthcoming online feminist events. Not all gender critical, some on peace, some on the economy.

Just to show women can engage positively online, even if it makes you think well the best feminist politics are on FWR!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4042235-Forthcoming-online-feminist-events-meetings-webinars

Korimiko, I sympathise and I know how easy it is to lose hope when you read social media full of male-supremacist misogyny. I find support and solidarity in Mumsnet and other women's sites, especially the specifically feminist groups.

I've donated to numerous crowdfunders (most recently the growing number resisting the gender-identity movement) and get updates from them. Subscribing to feminist newsletters is useful too. From what I've read about Twitter, I would avoid it; on FaceBook I would only include close friends and family.

If you can't go out to meet your real-life friends, have Zoom chats with them. Nourish yourself with real friendship and things that make you happy. Go outdoors and enjoy the autumn colours. These help put politics back into perspective. Everyone needs some time off.

We're going through tough times, but this madness won't last forever. There are many of us who feel as you do, and more joining us all the time as they discover what's happening.

@Gncq

It's just all the shit this week with the open letters and seeing names really close to home signing seemingly against the condemning of JKR online really upset me

Milicent
Sorry, it sounds like an awful time for you
But... Those people who have signed the letter in support of JKR are surely on your side? Should be seen as a good thing?

Milicent and I were talking about the Guardian counter-letter, not the JKR support letter. Sorry for confusion!

I've been eyes deep in twitter for a while and really noticed the negative impact it has on my mood and wellbeing. I'm strongly inclined to leave it behind.

I'm part of my local Resisters group on Facebook, which is a good closed place to share and discuss content, and have here to look in on too.

I think you need to work out what space you can handle and step back from the mire sometimes.

I believe that the best thing women can do is to get off Twitter and meet each other irl. The talks put on across the country by the likes of Venice, WPUK and Posie were amazing forums for networking.

Unfortunately we are loosing the right to meet others on public spaces. We are loosing our freedom of assembly. What will this mean for the feminist movement?

The new public sphere is social media - and it is controlled by men - who either truly believe that TWAW or are using it as an excuse to silence and bully women.

This is a real problem we need to start to critique lockdown because it has the risk of undoing all of the work that women have done to build a network of real life activists to fight trans right activism.

Whilst zoom meetings are a substitute that allow women to interact globally and help women with caring duties feel involved there is no substitute for the real thing. It's the friendships that women form in the pub afterwards that lead to further action and the formation of new groups. Meanwhile arguments on Twitter can not be resolved. Social media brings out the worst and it's going to continue to cause scisms with no way to mitigate them by meeting up for a pint to talk things through

Is spinster.xyz still going?

I've totally forgotten about it, but that could be one place women can meet online in a positive way.

I did join fairly early on but got really bored as everyone just seemed to be posting things from twitter which just made it all very negative.

Hopefully its got over that and has evolved into something in its own right not just a lets have a niggle about twitter!

Yeah i joined Spinster too but couldn't navigate it at all, hows it doing there?

@DJLippy

I believe that the best thing women can do is to get off Twitter and meet each other irl. The talks put on across the country by the likes of Venice, WPUK and Posie were amazing forums for networking.

Unfortunately we are loosing the right to meet others on public spaces. We are loosing our freedom of assembly. What will this mean for the feminist movement?

The new public sphere is social media - and it is controlled by men - who either truly believe that TWAW or are using it as an excuse to silence and bully women.

This is a real problem we need to start to critique lockdown because it has the risk of undoing all of the work that women have done to build a network of real life activists to fight trans right activism.

Whilst zoom meetings are a substitute that allow women to interact globally and help women with caring duties feel involved there is no substitute for the real thing. It's the friendships that women form in the pub afterwards that lead to further action and the formation of new groups. Meanwhile arguments on Twitter can not be resolved. Social media brings out the worst and it's going to continue to cause scisms with no way to mitigate them by meeting up for a pint to talk things through

DJ - this is 100% what I believe too. It is shocking how fearful we all are now of meeting IRL and how isolated we all feel.

I felt like this too, so I stopped using twitter and only use Facebook for community-related issues.

We must remember that there are two dimensions: the hallucinatory, hyperreal world of social media, and material reality. We live in the latter, and must not vacate it in favour of the former.

For if we vacate it, others will fill the vacuum. And it is the real world that matters.

I've got to the point where I've now largely withdrawn from not just from social media but also conventional arts and literature culture. I'm a writer and researcher, and I'm starting to build a localist and regionalist movement with other artists and writers, where local voices, lives and histories and perspectives are reflected.

It's hard work, but I just got to the point where I thought "sod 'em. If they want to go off and tilt at windmills and ignore real people, then we'll build a politics and culture for ourselves."