Parenting advice in The Atlantic

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Just came across this piece on The Atlantic. A single father writes in to complain that his young daughter's friends aren't allowed to come for sleepovers when she's at his. (She lives half the time with her mother, who is still part of the same circle of friends - presumably there is no issue with the other girls staying over when she's at mum's and has some female supervision.) Dad is understandably hurt by this, but can't seem to see past his own feelings of "but I'm not a threat, I'm a Good Guy!!"

What really stunned me was that the therapist - a woman - didn't respect the boundaries these other women had set at all. Their concerns for their daughters were brushed aside as insignificant, and they were painted as, basically, "reverse-sexist" bigots who were teaching their daughters to fear men for no reason. I couldn't believe it. No acknowledgement of the very real statistical risks. No invite for him to see it from their point of view, or realize it's not all about him. No attempt to find a compromise, like taking them bowling or for ice-cream, so they can build happy memories in a public space instead. Nope. Nothing. Just "you should get your ex wife to talk to these women and guilt trip them into relaxing their boundaries".

I couldn't believe what I was reading.

www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/09/dear-therapist-my-daughters-friends-arent-allowed-play-our-home/616484/

Yes that’s right - nothing would make it less likely to allow my child to sleep over than having someone try to guilt trip me into it.

My ex-wife has remained closer with the friends we had as a couple.

Possibly careful-speak for: "It was an acrimonious divorce and all our friends took my wife's side."

If so they are not likely to feel happy letting their kids visit his house. They may hold a grudge on behalf of the ex-wife, and may well have good reason for doing so. Complete guess of course.

I think this may be a USA / UK divide - I think there is a very strong mainstream liberal view in the USA that is very unwilling to recognise sex patterns in who abusers are.

As a parent (in the UK, and I hope in the USA) I am thankful that I do not need to justify any decisions that I take about my children's safety. I don't need to benchmark accepted and rejected invitations against agreed categories with agreed policies. When it isn't right - sometimes only because "you have been out too many times in too short a space of time recently, and I can see you getting fried and manic, but if I try to explain this you will have a tantrum and flounce off to your room howling I AM NOT TIRED") - if it isn't right you just say "no". So if this dad was kicking off in my life I would be thinking "validate yourself on someone else's kids. Your daughter is welcome here and will be treated well here; if you prefer her not to come, then we'll survive. But I don't need to say why I am saying no to your access to my child"

Oh I totally agree with everyone else's sense that no one likes him or trusts him in broader senses too