Will it ever come to court? -trigger probably

[DrizzleandDamp]

Been on here quite a bit in the past, changed my UN as I can’t remember which one I used and don’t want to link. You were all amazing at the times.

Not sure what I want from this really, but I’m just pondering if I will ever ever hear from the CPS. Has anyone seen/run a case through lately I guess?

Was brutally raped in early 2018. Reported the morning as soon as I could get away as I drove myself to hospital. He was into BDSM, I never was nor did I consent, it was a second date. I had whiplash, bruising to my chest, lots of other nasty stuff. Blood evidence found in his flat.

A full year later I got a letter saying they weren’t prosecuting, couldn’t prove I didn’t consent to the violence, lots of other bullshit. A lovely women’s group helped me do a right to review (directed by you lot!), immediately police told to overturn the decision and pass to CPS.

A full YEAR later police pass to CPS, think it was about Feb this year. It’s now another 8 months later and nothing.

Just think I’m a bit despairing of ever receiving the call/email/knock at the door to tell me their decision either way, and it leaves me in a place I have the background niggle in my mind so I can never just fully move on with life.

Also anyone that had done it, will they call me? Or an email?

Plus of course he’s out there doing it to other people happily feeling more confident as he got away with it. More justification to up his game until he probably kills someone. If he hasn’t already. While I avoid the local city he lives in, or when I have to go with the kids as it’s the only main mall shop I’m watching over my shoulder never properly relaxed.

This sounds absolutely awful, have you written to your MP or perhaps Justice Secretary (Robert Buckland)? Its unacceptable your facing this still.

I haven’t actually, bit outing bu I have a changed UN but my MP is Miliband, met him once, seemed ok.

FFS I think I might need to go back to my Psych, I was doing ok think a situation with a friend has triggered this sudden focus.

I would write to senior police person, or email as then you have a written reply -a year to pass it to the CPS seems unacceptable imv.

Hello, am so sorry the police and CPS are being so shoddy.

I'd recommend picking up with your lovely women's group - they should have an idea of how long the CPS are taking to respond, and how best to chase.

And definitely reach out for psych support if you feel you need it.

It's Fiona from We Can't Consent to This here - we, Harriet Harman and CWJ have demanded police and cps review all these cases in light of the impending rough sex law change, although we expect to do much more demanding before they actually do anything.

You poor thing. Unfortunately I know the torture of waiting and getting the 'we know you will be disappointed with our decision but we feel we have insufficient evidence due to ambiguity about consent'.

You obviously want to pursue this, so I'm not going to say what I usually would - which is that it's not worth the effort.
Therefore, yes, I would contact your MP. If he does nothing, try BJ's office.

Have you a police officer contact who you can ask for a progress report from?

It's torture and I'm so sorry that this has happened. Have you had therapy? That is critical - even just coping with the waiting and the police process.

He was into BDSM, I never was nor did I consent, it was a second date.

my god.

@DrizzleandDamp sending you all the love and a determined hope that you will get justice and a change in the law. Thank you for sharing something so painful.

@WomanDaresTo how can we help with the rough sex law change?

In my experience the Police called when the CPS had made the decision, not an email. But I don't know if that's universal (this was the Met, 6-7 years ago).

I would send an email to whoever is your main contact setting out how long you have waited and asking for a response to confirm when they are going to reach a decision.

@DrizzleandDamp have you got legal support? you need support, no one should face this alone

I remember your original thread.

Just wanted to say it's shocking that they first initially said they weren't interested, then when challenged said ok but are dragging their heels (maybe hoping it will 'go away').

Something needs to be done about the handling of sex offences through the whole system. I don't pretend to know what the answer is.

Good luck.

In my experience the Police called when the CPS had made the decision, not an email. But I don't know if that's universal (this was the Met, 6-7 years ago).

I got a letter from the Met (18 months ago approx.)

@DrizzleandDamp have you got legal support? you need support, no one should face this alone
The police and Victim Support are the ones who would provide support in this sort of situation. It sounds like there is little communication from the police. I was given a mobile number of my police officer to contact - trouble was finding a time when they were working obviously - due to irregular shift patterns.

This is awful. I'm so sorry this bastard did this to you. No advice but sincerely hoping you get the answer you need soon.

Thank you, I have legal help in the form of the women’s group I guess (it is the utterly amazing CWJ Fiona).

But I don’t want to hassle them as they are a charity and overloaded sadly with this type of crap.

I worry it could be a letter, as originally the police rejected the case with a letter, only they never sent it OR it never arrived.
So only after months of chasing and trying to pin down the officer who had moved did he say in surprise “oh we wrote to you ages ago and told you no”. He had to then explain on the phone and email it to me. I remember sitting in a garage where I’d rung from yet again in shock for ages before I could drive and get my kids.

So I worry if it’s a letter what if I’ve just missed it.

I might try and email him myself again, but feel like if I piss them off chasing, they will be worse. And anyway is he even checking with the CPS? For all I know it’s never gone to them, I have no proof and no contacts.

Think I may be descending into paranoia which isn’t a good sign for me. But then is it paranoid when it could very well be fact?

I had a victim liaison from the local place that deals with it (no idea on the name), the first year, but only heard from her twice, first time was her visiting, harping on how busy she was and telling me the law was different from feelings, and the second time was a text to say she was signing off for holiday season, merry Christmas and have a lovely new year.

So fucking crass my psychiatrist at the time contacted them directly and said they needed to get me a new one. Never heard anything since.

I was attacked on a quiet street in the middle of the day in 2015. He did not manage to rape me because my screams alerted a man that was around the corner. I ran home, cried, had a giant glass of wine ( big mistake) called my husband and we went to the police that evening. They were awful to me. They kept asking how much I had had to drink and why I was out. At one point my (former) husband and two male police started firing questions at me. I handed over my dress and went and home. I didn't hear anything for 2 years. Then they showed up saying that another woman was raped on the street in the same way two streets over. This time they caught him. They showed me a photo and it was a different guy. I told my attacker was asian and they showed up with a photo of a white man.

I’m sorry Betheanne, that’s awful and for your ex H to join in must have hurt badly x

At this stage, it really doesn't matter if you piss the police off. Their handling of your case has been appalling and can't really get much worse.

Email the officer involved and let them know you'll be using the complaints procedure if they don't get back to you within 7 days. Keep it factual and clear, but don't worry about their feelings. They've failed you.

Also don't be worried about overwhelming the charity, you've been doing so well by yourself but we all need support at different times.

Not so fun update, massively outing so I hope they don’t mind but I don’t know, this helps me.

Lovely wonderful women’s charity have been in touch, they have been chasing for me for a while behind the scenes. Turns out the officer dealing with the case left the force a while ago. And it seems no one has been checking his messages or keeping tabs on it. They are trying to get it looked at and some form of response from someone else.

So how’s that for victim support?

Lonny I now think they subconsciously took your “couldn’t get much worse” as a “watch this space”.

Update - and I really hope my lovely support charity don’t mind me posting but I don’t have anyone in real life that I can talk to about this and need to.

Anyway I heard from the kind women who has taken on chasing up this case and the reason I haven’t heard a decision from the CPS is they never got it. The officer in charge or his superior never sent it. It just never went.

So that’s about 8 months of waiting patiently pointlessly. How wrong is that??

This is truly horrendous. I hope someone who can advise you will be along soon.

That is awful. I am so sorry. This sort of institutional indifference to the impact on the victim just adds to the harm of the original act.
I would raise the matter with your MP. It is utterly unacceptable.

I’ve just re-read my own posts and I actually wrote the below didn’t I? Jesus so I’ve either got the second sight or I am From now on listening to every paranoia I have!!!

• I might try and email him myself again, but feel like if I piss them off chasing, they will be worse. And anyway is he even checking with the CPS? For all I know it’s never gone to them, I have no proof and no contacts.

Think I may be descending into paranoia which isn’t a good sign for me. But then is it paranoid when it could very well be fact?*