Just when I think the guardian can’t go lower

[Kit19]

It publishes a piece about what happens when your partner comes out as trans & wouldn’t you just know it, all of the partners turn out to be supportive & working through it and “my biggest cheerleader”

I have no problem with them publishing positive stories but would it have killed them to include a least one where the spouse/partner found it all utterly awful & the marriage didn’t last? Why are people being gaslighted into “you’re a hateful person if you can’t get past this”

Thanks Allourboys. There is one fairly unhappy woman in that five, but they all stayed. Given around half of people leave this is a missed opportunity and very biased reporting. It is disheartening and irritating but I comfort myself that in fact many people would leave and those who stay are more interesting to write about, salaciously interesting (the sex or lack of it), and of course a positive trans story which is all the Guardian can ever offer. Suggest anyone with energy writes in to note their singular reporting.

Yep, where all are the heterosexual males being fine with their female partners transing to being transmen? Anyone? More tumbleweed...?

Yep, where all are the heterosexual males being fine with their female partners transing to being transmen?

I wonder if that has EVER happened? Has anyone heard of an example of this?

@aliasundercover

Yep, where all are the heterosexual males being fine with their female partners transing to being transmen?

I wonder if that has EVER happened? Has anyone heard of an example of this?

Never come across one. It's almost as if it's because of something other than being 'born in the wrong body'. But let's not go there!

Isnt this the same way women (are suppose to) react when husband is caught in sexual misconduct & the wife (especially if the male concerned is famous) ie supporting the husband - little loyal wife syndrome - but what she says & what she thinks...
It can be a concern about family/her financial relationship security or her own insecurity
thing is the blighters can't see this - male (arrogance) perspective even (!) in gender change

@aliasundercover

Yep, where all are the heterosexual males being fine with their female partners transing to being transmen?

I wonder if that has EVER happened? Has anyone heard of an example of this?

www.inquirer.com/philly/health/When-one-spouse-changes-gender-can-the-marriage-be-saved.html

www.thecut.com/2016/01/what-its-like-when-your-wife-becomes-your-husband.html

Was discussed on this thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/a4015291-Dont-understand-how-someone-can-be-transgender-This-man-explains-it-all?msgid=99776550#99776550

@aliasundercover

Yep, where all are the heterosexual males being fine with their female partners transing to being transmen?

I wonder if that has EVER happened? Has anyone heard of an example of this?

I’ve had a look & could only find this www.thecut.com/2016/01/what-its-like-when-your-wife-becomes-your-husband.html

And half way through the husband turns out to be ‘not 100% straight’

The first story in the article is a gay man with a transitioned male partner who has become a trans women.

None of the couples are at ease with it on a sexual level and one of the couples did split and now live as friends. Another story is just the female partner and her transitioned partner does not give a response.

Two of the trans women say there is little support for the partner.

In fact it’s one of the most nuanced articles I’ve read in the main stream media about this topic as it happens.

They are all pleased their partners are happier emotionally but none of them want to sleep with the other once they have transitioned.

It’s a far cry from the BBC film when the trans women leaps into the family on the sofa and everyone’s delighted.

But it’s very human and truthful.

The Guardian has become even worse recently - there was a point when I thought they might be trying to be a bit more even-handed, but in the past couple of months they've gone full-on with the woman-hating. The article about the trans woman doctor gleefully boasting about giving intimate examinations to Muslim woman was a particular low.

I'm not even going to read this one. They really are absolutely vile.

Before Allie transitioned, she was scared of public displays of affection. Now we hold hands everywhere we go.

Internalised homophobia, surely.

Amanda wanted her partner’s perspective to be heard in this article, so declined to be interviewed.

For some reason this has really annoyed me.

So three years ago The Guardian published A letter to … my transgender husband

Today it would be A letter to … my transgender wife

@Gwynfluff

The first story in the article is a gay man with a transitioned male partner who has become a trans women.

None of the couples are at ease with it on a sexual level and one of the couples did split and now live as friends. Another story is just the female partner and her transitioned partner does not give a response.

Two of the trans women say there is little support for the partner.

In fact it’s one of the most nuanced articles I’ve read in the main stream media about this topic as it happens.

They are all pleased their partners are happier emotionally but none of them want to sleep with the other once they have transitioned.

It’s a far cry from the BBC film when the trans women leaps into the family on the sofa and everyone’s delighted.

But it’s very human and truthful.

I've toyed with the idea that it's deliberately subversive. For instance, I initially thought they had started with a gay couple to counteract 'transing away the gay' views. However, the line I highlighted earlier about how the transitioned partner feels much more comfortable holding hands with her male partner now she's a woman undermines that and points to homophobia as a cause. That said, the absence of negative stories about the impact on female partners when their male partner transitions points to the same old misogyny The Guardian has been pedalling on this issue for some time. I agree that the reader doesn't come away with the sense that these relationships are entirely happy, but as we've seen from FWR threads there's way more anguish behind many stories than this article reflects.

There wasn’t a barn door story of the wife being negatively impacted, it’s true. But none of them say it had no impact at all and one left their partner for several years. And all of them mention shock and feeling unsupported and needing counselling and to adjust (but no sexual relations it seems). So you couldn’t say it’s a happy outcome for anyone.

But they all stayed Gwynn , the message being that though it's hard staying together is the key message, loyalty, and acceptance sufficient to tolerate it. Which doesn't represent all those who split because it is intolerable, or they don't buy the narrative. Or they feel betrayed, mistreated and deceived to the point where they walk. This only shows half the story and doesn't show.leaving, with all its associated financial, emotional and legal difficulties, as the lived experience of many partners and often an empowering and reasonable response on the part of partners.

@socialworker222

But they all stayed Gwynn , the message being that though it's hard staying together is the key message, loyalty, and acceptance sufficient to tolerate it. Which doesn't represent all those who split because it is intolerable, or they don't buy the narrative. Or they feel betrayed, mistreated and deceived to the point where they walk. This only shows half the story and doesn't show.leaving, with all its associated financial, emotional and legal difficulties, as the lived experience of many partners and often an empowering and reasonable response on the part of partners.

Quite.

If we're satisfied with our stories being represented as just a bit sad and difficult, and confined only to those women who see no other role for them self than as a support human, we're setting a pretty low bar.

@CivilCervix

People assume we’re a straight couple. We take full advantage of that. Before Allie transitioned, she was scared of public displays of affection. Now we hold hands everywhere we go.

Well this is very sad and also very informative

Always with the internalized homophobia. I agree, very sad.

@TinselAngel

Of course this article has a connection to the Beaumont Society (gaslighting wives since 1966), they always do.

So many articles on the Guardian are now sponsored by interested parties (such as a Gates foundation). You really can buy good press.

You really can buy good press.

I hadn't thought of it that way, I assumed it was just lazy journalism but actually that makes sense.

I actually thought this was an interesting piece!
As Suited says, at least two wives of TW are not having a sexual relationship and at least one seemed very unsure. I found this quite eye-opening of couples that would go in the Guardian to talk about it (rather than being proud sexy lesbians etc)

The woman and trans man relationship seemed quite sweet, not that I know anything about them other than this article.

Thanks to FWR I know what the Beaumont Society is and its background.

It's interesting that when you've got at least two trans widows on this thread saying that this article is not representative and is therefore harmful, there's several posters almost suggesting we should be grateful for it.

I guess the bar is pretty low.
I also found it more nuanced than I expected.

Coming from the Guardian I was bracing myself for rainbows and unicorns.

@TinselAngel

It's interesting that when you've got at least two trans widows on this thread saying that this article is not representative and is therefore harmful, there's several posters almost suggesting we should be grateful for it.

It's clearly not representative Tinsel. Thanks for showing up and sharing when it must be so tough

@SkaraBrae

I guess the bar is pretty low. I also found it more nuanced than I expected.

Coming from the Guardian I was bracing myself for rainbows and unicorns.

We need to stop being grateful for crumbs.