@DiggerDave given how widespread rape, sexual violence, and domestic violence are I can well imagine where books and articles that have such provocative titles come from. They have a cathartic value for women who have been brutalised and for those who are justifiably angry about the status quo. They have value for that reason alone, as it creates a space for women to discuss and articulate the problem.
I am a man and have been reading and posting here for many years, and I have not once been made to feel personally responsible or attacked for the violence other men commit towards women. What is going on here isn’t actually the attack on men your are perceiving it as, it is something called class analysis. Which is simply an examination of patterns across groups of people. It’s pretty much inescapable that most violence is perpetrated by men so it therefore logically follows that it is worthwhile examining that group.
It is obviously an emotive and extremely depressing subject, but if I were you I would resist the urge to wade in with whattaboutery. Yes we men are violent towards one another, and yes things like male suicide are a big problem, and thus deserve their own discussions. It actually does both the topics a disservice to try to shoehorn them into a discussion about Male violence towards women rather than giving them the due attention they deserve in their own discussions. If you are really interested in contributing, and I hope that you are I’d spend some time here reading a bit before jumping in (there are a lot of very intelligent and articulate posters here!), but realise you are entering into a female space where a lot of women have experiences of being talked down to, ignored, told to calm down and just generally patronised by men. I’m afraid that’s just the landscape and whilst it’s not yours or even my fault specifically that’s just the landscape we have to contend with.
Feminism itself is a massive subject with whole doctorates worth of thought, analysis, data and research. Newsflash: there isn’t necessarily one feminist position on any given issue feminists can and often do disagree, it’s an incredibly broad church. It sounds very much like you have had a very reductionist experience of feminism, which isn’t necessarily reflective of the reality. Most feminists I know wouldn’t dream of looking down on your wife for example, in fact a lot would seek to support her in the choices she makes, whilst ensuring society itself is structured in such a way to mitigate the risks she is taking by being quite so reliant on your income. It sounds very much like you love your wife, and would support any career aspirations she might express. That sort of attitude puts you ahead of the game in some areas.