Undermined, patronised, dismissed

[doadeer]

I feel really upset about a hospital appointment today, and I just feel the need to vent at what I hope will be a sympathetic board.

I had an awful pregnancy 2 years ago, lots of scares followed by the most horrendous pelvic pain which resulted in me being practically house bound as I couldn't get back up the stairs. It was truly miserable. Pre pregnancy I exercised daily... By 20 weeks I couldn't walk without pain. I was of you who have lived with daily pain, will know how absolutely debilitating and demoralising it is.

Fast forward to the present, despite what I would say has been £1000 spent on osteopaths, physios, Pilates, and all manner of specialists to try and help me be able to walk in 30 minutes without pain, I'm still in a sorry state. I'm only 30... I can't bear for this to be my reality forever.

I had a call with physio today, in order to determine which type of scan I should have. from the onset, he put me down, patronised and diminished everything I was saying. He told me it wasn't as if my body had suffered a trauma so I should be fine. Only a man would say this. Many many women suffer what can only be described as trauma in pregnancy or childbirth.

I felt so angry and frustrated, I burst into tears after the call, which I never do.

Can anyone relate?

Sorry to hear you're going through this. For what it's worth, I have never been patronised like I've been patronised by male members of the medical establishment. They have it down to a fine art. No wonder you're so upset. Perhaps when you feel a bit calmer, you could make a complaint. He sounds like an incompetent arse and deserves to be called out on it.

I’m still angry about my post partum treatment and it was nowhere near as bad as what you’ve experienced.

I hope you do get at least some improvement and the pain lessens.

I just can't believe that they would dismiss men's health like they do with women. So many women deal with this injuries, and truly awful things on a daily basis. I am lucky mine is manageable I'm not something like incontinence which would just be horrendous poor women.

It's just the attitude they have "stop making such a fuss"

He was actually trying to make me do a backbend, that I said was causing me pain and I couldn't do. He said what happens if you do it now, I said I don't want to do it now because I will be in a lot of pain and unable to look after my toddler!

@Deliriumoftheendless

I’m still angry about my post partum treatment and it was nowhere near as bad as what you’ve experienced.

I hope you do get at least some improvement and the pain lessens.

I'm so sorry you had a nasty time, it's the feeling of powerlessness as well isn't it, what can you do to complain against your treatment? You are expected to just put up with it

I'm so sorry, deer that you have such pain. I hope that you are listened to soon. Can you find a physio who specialises in women's health? A friend of mine is one, so I know they exist.
Sadly, it's not just male doctors. A woman GP told me I couldn't be anaemic, because I didn't 'look it'. At that point I couldn't play with my children or even walk upstairs without having to sit down at the top...

@AsTreesWalking

I'm so sorry, deer that you have such pain. I hope that you are listened to soon. Can you find a physio who specialises in women's health? A friend of mine is one, so I know they exist. Sadly, it's not just male doctors. A woman GP told me I couldn't be anaemic, because I didn't 'look it'. At that point I couldn't play with my children or even walk upstairs without having to sit down at the top...

I've been working with specialists for 18m now. They think I need a scan as I'm not seeing improvements in my pain though I'm a lot stronger in my muscles.

This physio today was to "triage" me and organise the MRI scan.

I agree post natal specialists are the key!

@AsTreesWalking that's terrible! Did you manage to get it sorted?

Make a note of everything and complain to your local patient liaison service. www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/nhs-services-and-treatments/what-is-pals-patient-advice-and-liaison-service/

I'm so sorry. There are some really shitty, dismissive doctors about, and of course, women's pain has never really been taken seriously. So many of them assume if you're female, it must all be in your head. It's really shit.

Don't put up with this. These people's salaries are paid for by your taxes. I do tend to remind public sector workers of this fact if I get really hacked off.

I got a bad deal at a hospital appointment and went straight back to my doctor who actually rang the specialist and everyone got a right bollocking. Very empowering

Complain, because he will be passing on his dismissive opinions to those who will see you next.

I got a bad deal at a hospital appointment and went straight to my doctor who actually rang the specialist and everyone got a right bollocking. Very empowering

You're so right. I was supposed to have a session with him after my MRI I was planning to request someone else. I guess I just want to get this process over with and get the results but I should complain

I'm so sad for you, it just isn't fair. This is always happening to women.

Can't you have a quick phone appointment with your GP, let him know how distressed you are and ask who you should complain to - that might spark a reaction.

I hope things get sorted quickly and I hope the support you're getting from this board is helping just a little

Lovely women thank you ❤️❤️❤️

I'm really sorry, OP. I had physio a couple of years ago, two different physios as a new one half way through my treatment. Their approach, methods, tecnhiques - everything - was like chalk and cheese, despite being both NHS physios. Please ask for someone else, and keep asking until you get someone who understands post-partum issues and isn't an arsehole.

I had SPD with both pregnancies and the pain is horrendous. I had pain for >15 months after the first delivery. Like you I spent a fortune on private physio, osteopathy appointments and pilates. I asked for an early referral to the women’s health physio in our local hospital in my second pregnancy when the pain started up again. She was excellent, as women with SPD and related postnatal pain made a significant chunk of her caseload. She just ‘got it’ and focussed on treating me, not arguing with me about my symptoms.

As someone else said, complain but do it in a forthright, constructive way so they take action.

💐 because pelvic pain is really shit and hard to deal with.

Just want to second what Betty says - if you can find an appointment with a women's health physio, then do so. A specialist is much more likely to understand the problems you're having.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I work for the Birth Trauma Association and we hear a lot of stories, sadly, of women being patronised and having their pain dismissed.

@ScrimpshawTheSecond I'm glad you found relief - it seems to depend so much on who you get. Pot luck!

@BettyFilous people who haven't had it just can't understand how debilitating it is. I've got a fantastic pilates instructor who is physio trained I do 1 to 1 with her and she advised I need a scan because she think there's something wrong. I honestly don't see how I could have another baby at the moment - I would be a mess. I'm so glad you found someone sympathetic and your experience second time was slightly less awful! How are you now? How many years on?

@KimThomas

Just want to second what Betty says - if you can find an appointment with a women's health physio, then do so. A specialist is much more likely to understand the problems you're having.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I work for the Birth Trauma Association and we hear a lot of stories, sadly, of women being patronised and having their pain dismissed.

Thank you 🙏 it's wonderful work that you do, you must hear such frustrating stories.

This physio was like a triage to send me for a scan so he wasn't post natal specialist. I'm supposed to call up after my MRI and he will take me through a plan but I will request someone else I just don't know how big the department is, so how many options there are.

He told me it wasn't as if my body had suffered a trauma so I should be fine.

If he thinks this then he doesn't understand about SPD or post-partum issues. In which case he is unqualified to triage such patients.

Please, please complain.

I am so sorry to hear this is still going on. I had terrible spd and was helped a lot by a chirpractor and a womens physio. But i also had a couple of swedish massage which was nothing to do with the spd really but all my muscles ached - it really helped. I would recommend them if you can find the money somehow.

I saw a consultant eventually as they were considering operating. He gave me a long lecture about how brains can get stuck in pain cycles, particularly these silly women that have babies and how i needed to move on then he opened up my mri and x-ray and said 'sorry thats not relevant here' the spd had led to stress fractures and some bony spurs. He ended up saying he was surprised i was so positive and able to walk at all.

Good luck getting it sorted.

Oh goodness @wagtailred ! That sounds terrible! How are you now?

I was told a very similar thing that I should push through the pain... I said but it I do that I won't be able to lift up my son who I look after every day!

It makes me so angry

I was dismissed by a female specialist. I complained, and both she and her consultant supervisor lied, in writing, repeatedly. I was made out to be crazy, that I made it all up, despite using the service for years and it being the first time I'd ever complained about a medical appointment. They seem fairly untouchable, sadly.

Im angry for you.

I am fine now - but it took years to get to this point. I can cycle without pain and i can walk really well for a long way - 5 miles. I still struggle holding a weight and walking but not enough to get in the way of life.
Keep going.

Can I add one little story.

I have a hereditary condition and needed to be get young child tested for it because it is hereditary.

I think I may have been too knowledgable for the GP's good - he tried to say my son did not need to be tested - I politely put forward my case, explained the reasons, but in the end needed a letter from my consultant to say yes snow's child needs the test.

On the test form for the hospital the reason for the test was noted as "severe maternal anxiety" I am one of the most chilled out people you can ever meet my husband and I laughed but I still thought what a load of sexist Bull shit.