Undermined, patronised, dismissed

[doadeer]

I feel really upset about a hospital appointment today, and I just feel the need to vent at what I hope will be a sympathetic board.

I had an awful pregnancy 2 years ago, lots of scares followed by the most horrendous pelvic pain which resulted in me being practically house bound as I couldn't get back up the stairs. It was truly miserable. Pre pregnancy I exercised daily... By 20 weeks I couldn't walk without pain. I was of you who have lived with daily pain, will know how absolutely debilitating and demoralising it is.

Fast forward to the present, despite what I would say has been £1000 spent on osteopaths, physios, Pilates, and all manner of specialists to try and help me be able to walk in 30 minutes without pain, I'm still in a sorry state. I'm only 30... I can't bear for this to be my reality forever.

I had a call with physio today, in order to determine which type of scan I should have. from the onset, he put me down, patronised and diminished everything I was saying. He told me it wasn't as if my body had suffered a trauma so I should be fine. Only a man would say this. Many many women suffer what can only be described as trauma in pregnancy or childbirth.

I felt so angry and frustrated, I burst into tears after the call, which I never do.

Can anyone relate?

We run an online women's support group and lots of us suffer from your type of pain. Pm me if you want info. The group has been a godsend to me

I had spd so badly in my first pregnancy I ended up housebound and on crutches. The young male gp I first saw about it said it was probably a sports injury. No words. I was 30 weeks pregnant and wasn’t doing sport 🙄

Anecdotally I didn’t have spd at all in my second pregnancy. God knows why very lucky

@MsTSwift

I had spd so badly in my first pregnancy I ended up housebound and on crutches. The young male gp I first saw about it said it was probably a sports injury. No words. I was 30 weeks pregnant and wasn’t doing sport 🙄

Anecdotally I didn’t have spd at all in my second pregnancy. God knows why very lucky

Sounds familiar - a young male physio told me to sleep on my back instead of my side when I was pregnant 🤣 that would cure me

@BetterEatCheese

We run an online women's support group and lots of us suffer from your type of pain. Pm me if you want info. The group has been a godsend to me

Thank you im on the app I'll message you on desktop 🙏🙏

Everyone kept telling me "nono, spd is caused by relaxin so it goes away right after you give birth" but it really didn't.

Were you breastfeeding? The women’s health physio told me (much later) that breastfeeding keeps your relaxin hormone at an elevated level post-partum and recommended slow weaning with any subsequent breastfed baby to step it down slowly.

Most frustrating words ever to fall from a GP's lips?

"I wish I'd listened to you sooner." 🤯

I follow a brill physio who specialises in womens pelvic floor/bladder etc on instagram. she has private practice and nhs. she puts info and encouragement on, it really motivates me and makes me feel theres someone out there - found her by googling "womens physio'

I empathise with you completely.

I had a similar experience with my first neurologist. I'd been having to see him quite regularly for a couple of years and dh had always come with me; the bastard neurologist always spoke to dh and not to me. He would barely look at me. The last time I saw him, he stuck his nose in my file, barely acknowledged my presence throughout the consulation. All he would say were things like "I see your x results and normal" or "hmm, the x reading is rather high". I'd say "yes, I know, but does that mean xxxx?" and would receive no response at all. Towards the end of this appalling and distressing consultation, the phone rang and he answered it. I thought it must be an urgent case or they wouldn't have put it through would they? Oh yes, very urgent...he spent another nearly 10 minutes talking to this person ensuring that a very important thing got delivered to his address and that they had the right details of his Barclaycard - number etc. He repeated this info (name, address, phone number, card number, date of expiry, name on card) that I thought I'd probably know it off by heart if I tried to remember it. When the call ended, he got up and said "Well, Mrs Jux, you must tell yourself that you're very very lucky; you haven't had a bad attack for 11 years". I considered reminding him that in fact I'd had a very bad attack only 3 years ago which had led to me being put on his list. I want to hit him.

I went into the loos and burst into tears. I then went home and wrote to the hospital telling them how my consultation had gone and saying that I would never see that man again. Over the next few years, I received letters telling me that I had missed an appt with him and the details of a replacement appt. The first time I got a letter, I wrote back reminding them that I had already written to them concerning him. Thereafter I didn't bother as why should I continue to waste time effort and energy on people who ignored everything I said.

We moved to the West Country, where my neurologist is lovely!

I had a follow-up outpatient appointment once where the consultant left me sitting in my bra part way though examining my surgical wound for 10 minutes while he discussed the arrangements for collection his new Range Rover. The subsequent appointment made me think he was a pervy, inappropriate little shit, so in hindsight I suspect it was deliberate. I’m older now and would have kicked off in clinic and followed up with a written complaint, but I was a much less forceful twenty-something at the time.