Woman thinks being beaten up is sexy

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

I recently read this:

medium.com/@jessicamasterson_6828/the-third-wave-dream-girl-begs-to-be-broken-9eb0bb717f29

Which was a pretty disturbing read, basically states that today's "vanilla" porn is sadomasochistic and extreme, and that women are expected to behave in the way shown in this porn.

Then this video of a young woman celebrating her injuries came up in my twitter feed:

twitter.com/PlSTACHIOS/status/1288162779900317699?s=19

Add that to things like the John Broadhurst murder...

I don't understand how we got here. I don't understand how violence against women became so normalised and accepted and often celebrated. NAMALT so why has this got so pervasive. How have societies morals shifted so far that this acceptable. I know we live in a patriarchy but I naively didn't think that meant this.

It’s so disturbing. Especially the neck grabbing stuff. I saw something on twitter where someone shared a tik tok of a young girl maybe 15 being grabbed by the neck by her boyfriend and it was supposed to be funny. Makes me very uncomfortable especially since I learnt that behaviour is strongly associated with fatality down the line.

Even Nigella had her neck grabbed - in public. That was ages ago.

What's normal in porn now, and therefore considered normal by people who watch it and their partners who go along with it is fully hideous.

Porn is so damaging. It makes me feel sick to think that this is what (particularly young) people think is normal.

Fucking hell that tiktok video is atrocious. Even if, as someone says in the comments, she got the bruises/cuts from an injury and not from being beaten what the hell kind of message is this sending to teenagers? Being bruised and beaten is sexy?!!
I’m not one for hyperbole at all, but I actually do feel a little sick, girls maturing at this point in society stand very little chance of a safe and normal sex life.

My 14 yo told me that teenaged boys holding their hand up to the screen as it records like a choke hold and posting it is a thing.

And she knew what it symbolized and was disgusted that her class mates found it cool.

Reading that article made me feel sick.

"Using young women’s vulnerability in the face of the female ideal, patriarchal society has repackaged this ideal, turning her from silent 50s housewife, to blow-up doll, to smiling mascara-streaked masochist. We have created conditions whereby pain tolerance has become a sexually desirable trait in a female partner, and the evidence of this is everywhere, from ‘choke me’ memes to ‘PainHub’ crop tops sold by the online clothing retailer O’Mighty; our culture is awash with young women declaring their masochistic credentials."

It's chilling, isn't it? If these acts are normalised in porn then the expectations are set for both men and women. Also, if these are the expectations, it has implications for partner rape, doesn't it?

My thoughts are all over the place.

I haven't watched the Tik Tok video

I feel very sorry for these girls who have been brainwashed into this, and simultaneously raging at them. They are actively damaging women by thinking its cool to do this - they are telling men this is acceptable, they are telling women that this is what they should accept, they are actively linking male arousal to violence against women. How can you be so lacking in imagination to not see where that leads?

Didn’t the Twilight books have Bella covered in bruises after shagging a vampire and being totally cool with it?

It comes back to the Germaine Greer remark about women not understanding how much men hate them.

Didn’t the Twilight books have Bella covered in bruises after shagging a vampire and being totally cool with it? Yup! I friend had loaned me the books, I gave them back unfinished when I got to that part. She was a bit perplexed but did undertsand, on second explanation!

Really awful. It kills me how violence (against women) and sex have become so inextricably linked. As well as violence, the downright demeaning and humiliation. I honestly think women who claim porn "doesn't bother them" or they themselves enjoy it need to open up Pornhub and have look through some of the video names/thumbnails. What % involve a woman being fucked while looking in pain? What % involve a man's hands round a woman's neck? What % involve a woman restrained by rope/chains etc? What % involve a man fucking his "step-daughter" etc? Sorry for the rant - I just completely despair that young people in particular are seeing this shit and thinking this is what sex is all about.

This is sickening.

I fear that when us middle aged women point this out, as we will, we will inevitably be laughed at as dried up old prudes. That's part of what makes it so difficult to tackle.

The TikTok film is one of the most utterly depressing things I have ever seen. It made me genuinely fearful for kind of lives our daughters are going to have/are having.

I saw this this morning and was just as stunned as most of the other women posting replies on the Twitter thread. That poor woman. To revel in your own absolute subjugation is really incredibly sad. It also seems to go beyond the individual abuser -v- victim dynamic - unhealthy enough on its own - into gaslighting a whole generation of younger women that this sort of victimhood is sexy, exciting and fun and that they are 'cool' for participating in it.

It's none of the above. Nor is it fully consensual BDSM which can be fulfilling with the right sort of parameters in place. This is boiling frog syndrome on a whole new level. And it's as frightening as hell.

Obviously bdsm coming into the mainstream stems from misogyny. The demand wouldn't be there if a high percentage of men didn't secretly want to beat the shit out of us.

But I do think some of womens readiness to accept it has come from sex no longer being a taboo.

Sex is so normal, so accepted that just having sex is boring. Young people want to push boundaries and do things they feel they shouldn't be doing.

Young people need to feel they're doing somthing their parents wouldn't do, hetro sex is in all films and music videos - you have to find somthing stronger to get that feeling of doing somthing new, edgy and different.

People always joke that teens think they invented sex and drugs when in actual fact each generation has done just as many drugs and had just as much sex. But it is also true that each generation becomes more sexually open and more prone to drug use. So for a teen today, they know they have to do somthing pretty extreme to be treading new ground. And bdsm seems to be it.

I was shocked that for girls 10 years younger than me anal sex was pretty vanilla and somthing people did on ONS. Those same girls are probably now shocked that girls 10 years younger than them will get choked and smacked on a ONS.

I'm just hoping by the time my dd is a teen it will all have gone full circle and it will be ground breaking, rebeliouse and trendy to not sleep around, just have loving mutually enjoyable sex and not take drugs.

porno +sex positive movement

I worry for the young women and teen girls who have been conditioned to this is normal but as a parent of a boy, I also worry for teen boys and young men who will associate sexual gratification with violence against women and how it would likely spill into other areas of the relationships.

We are already having discussions around sex, consent and porn when it crops up with our son. The violence in porn is another issue we are going discuss as he gets older.

I hope that type of porn will be banned soon. It fucking well should be along with violence during sex. You shouldn't be able to concent to being hit, cut, whipped or choked. Abh is Abh whether you concented or not. I think people would be a lot more careful about who they slapped around during sex if they knew she could go down and report them (successfully) to the police the next day.

The demand wouldn't be there if a high percentage of men didn't secretly want to beat the shit out of us.

This. I too want any assault during sex to be treated as the assault that it is.

Porn has been horribly instrumental in normalising violence towards women during sex. It's like the misogyny has to spill out somewhere so when they're finally barred from being in charge of us in everyday life, it's been channelled into sex with porn as the revenge instruction manual.

Utter gaslighting of young women. We need to unionise and reject this toxic shit.

I actually think porn use needs to be treated like cheating, it's got so bad. On a societal level I'm actually wondering if it's become MORE damaging than cheating, if you add up all this new assault plus the harm to the women (and children, looking at the horrifc amount of child sex abuse out there too) involved in the making of it. Every consumer is complicit. Men are getting addicted and ever sicker on a very bad drug.

It's sickening and one of the reasons why at the age of 23, I've decided to stay celibate and single. The internet has shown us how much men really do hate us. Pickmes who engage in this behaviour are obviously mentally ill, but they're still causing damage to other women by endorsing this rape fantasy stuff. Imagine if women boasted and bragged about beating men and calling it a "kink"? They would be burned at the stake but because it's "men being men", no one wants to address the hatred.

There's a lot of this in fan fiction right now. Tellingly, the authors don't really describe what feels good about about any of this to the receiver. It's like they're going through a checklist of acts they've seen in porn and think they ought to name check.

@isabellerossignol

This is sickening.

I fear that when us middle aged women point this out, as we will, we will inevitably be laughed at as dried up old prudes. That's part of what makes it so difficult to tackle.

I agree. Our experience and wisdom can be easily diminished by a "oh, you're just envious or past your prime."

Slightly off topic but in connection to Germaine Greer saying about men hating women, I saw a clip on the news about the Johnny Depp Amber Heard trial.

There was a van parked outside the court which had a display on the side saying "Burn the Witch" and when Amber Heard tried to make a statement she was booed.

I think some other things that may have gone on behind closed doors, such as domestic violence and sexual violence, is now spread by SM to younger men and boys as "normal". And spoken about casually.

I dont think Alabamawhirly1 is right. It is not about sex being boring but thinking what is shown in porn is normal. I suspect most young men have no idea about enjoying sex. It is just an act of domination and hurt. And the ones getting hurt are young women and girls.

And its not just SM its mainstream Hollywood and of 50 Shades of Shit.