Woman thinks being beaten up is sexy

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

I recently read this:

medium.com/@jessicamasterson_6828/the-third-wave-dream-girl-begs-to-be-broken-9eb0bb717f29

Which was a pretty disturbing read, basically states that today's "vanilla" porn is sadomasochistic and extreme, and that women are expected to behave in the way shown in this porn.

Then this video of a young woman celebrating her injuries came up in my twitter feed:

twitter.com/PlSTACHIOS/status/1288162779900317699?s=19

Add that to things like the John Broadhurst murder...

I don't understand how we got here. I don't understand how violence against women became so normalised and accepted and often celebrated. NAMALT so why has this got so pervasive. How have societies morals shifted so far that this acceptable. I know we live in a patriarchy but I naively didn't think that meant this.

Well this is clearly not healthy, I was once involved with a younger woman who was into BDSM, turns out what she was really into was the “aftercare”, that is supposed to happen afterwards. Didn’t seem to occur to her that intimacy and tenderness doesn’t necessarily have to be a thing one earns from being sexually brutalised.

I am beyond heartbroken that we have come to this.

This is a troubling trend and even more so when combined with the apparent decriminalisation of rape in the UK. I am beginning to see the vague outlines of something murky, like a misogyny monster slowly rising from the waves against a darkening sky.

(Then he embraces me, choking me violently, ripping off my hair while I tremble in orgasmic pain).

On dismissing the wisdom of older generations: I did that, too. But not completely and this saved me and made sex sometimes like touching the face of the divine. No choking necessary or wanted.

50 Shades of Shit.

...is the correct title. Full marks!

• I worry for the young women and teen girls who have been conditioned to this is normal but as a parent of a boy, I also worry for teen boys and young men who will associate sexual gratification with violence against women and how it would likely spill into other areas of the relationships.

We are already having discussions around sex, consent and porn when it crops up with our son. The violence in porn is another issue we are going discuss as he gets older.*

Same here.

The idea of physical pain was never a turn on for me but I used to fantasize about being humiliated and treated in a dismissive manner by a man. I could relate to the words of that song "treat me like I'm a bad girl even when I'm good to you."

When I got older I realized I was imagining up a romantic partner who treated me the same way my narcissistic father had -- shaming me, humiliating me, treating my opinions like dumb girlie nonsense.
I decided it wasn't healthy to engage in these fantasies, and it was never the psychological pain that was a turn on anyway..only the happy ending when he proves he loves me after all.
After years of only allowing happy, truly loving thoughts of a relationship into my head, I find nothing about my old fantasies to be a turn on. That kind of thing really repulsives me now.

@isabellerossignol

I think this is part of the problem. As it became more 'frowned upon' to be physically aggressive with women in other contexts it was shifted into sex where any questioning about it is 'kink shaming' and 'conservative' and 'policing people in the bedroom'. Instead the progressive, liberal position is to not only to leave 'what happens between consenting adults' well alone but to protect it as a means of expression and individuality.
Encase behaviour in sex and it's basically untouchable.
It's like all the toxic patriarchal domination tactics that are now less acceptable in the public sphere are erupting in the most private of interactions.
Men just have to know they're in charge by humiliating women who are already weaker than them. It's sick and pathetic.

This is horrible. I can understand why more young women are choosing to be celibate if this is what young men are conditioned to expect them to do.

Pornography has definitely got progressively more violent since I was younger and it seems that having any sexual boundaries at all is frowned upon.

There just seems to be no way to fight against misogyny. Whichever way you fight it, the misogynists come back with violence - and they're physically stronger so we're screwed.