Your opinions please - is this mysogenistic drivel or is it just me?

[Watchthisface]

Name change as my friends are in this group. The owner of this dieting/fitness company posted this and I’m alarmed at how many women who identify as having experienced domestic abuse have agreed with it. I’m feeling very angry - do you think I am over reacting?

It’s a public group so I hope I’m not breaking any rules .

www.facebook.com/625379420885792/posts/3156041037819605/?d=n

He sounds like an absolute knob, but I do think he means well, in that he’s trying to talk to other men who he can see don’t mean well. I don’t think he abuses her as such, he’s just a classic arrogant man who thinks he knows best.

@NC10101

I agree, i think it was the implicit sexism that irritated me more.

He probably is a genuinely nice guy - but not particularly clever, which makes it difficult to question or hide the ingrained sexism he has been indoctrinated with alongside the rest of averagely intelligent society

There is nothing nice about this guy at all....misplaced means well Lots of female conditioning apparent in some posts here.

He’s hiding in plain sight and not particularly well. It’s more concerning to me that many people don’t see that?!

I'm leaning towards the "decent guy but old-fashioned sexist and incredibly unwoke" interpretation. I absolutely hate how he's talking about her. But I think he may be centring himself in the story as a kind of lesson to both men and women, about what (his idea of) a "good man" is like. And I guess it's a more relatable relationship lesson than something more feminist could be, for many people.

I am seeing him as sort of the exact opposite of the creepy Twitter wokebeard types.

He's a horrible, creepy man who needs to feel that he's got control of his woman/ women. If someone had written this about my sister or daughter I'd be urging them to leave. He's completely dehumanised her and turned her into his creation — which as we can see from the before and after photos, is some kind of fantasy Barbie stereotype.

Someone upthread talks about women's conditioning showing in their responses to those thread and I agree wholeheartedly.

I really didnt like the bit about that womens weight will go up and down but its important not to fat shame. Its very dehumanising. Firstly suggesting weight is an important indicator of value. Secondly sounds like he's talking about a farm animal of some description

'Nice guys' see relationships as transactional and want credit for ordinary decent actions.
Actual nice guys don't need public approval.

To think that way implies to me that he has the potential to be an abuser himself.

Of course he does! We all have the potential to be an abuser. The difference is most of us don’t go around saying “I could abuse you- but I choose not to- I’m pretty wonderful aren’t I?”

If he really had her back, really wanted to genuinely help as a man to tackle DV and how so much casual sexism is shrugged off everyday, I think it would be better if he started looking inward, at himself and other men, and actually did some practical actions to stop men doing what they do. Taking to men. Challenging men. I can't see much in his post that does this.

Otherwise all this is is a Show and Tell of how great he is (and I agree, had an underlying feel of "what I can also undo) about it.

I would also be interested to hear her version too.

It's a modern day "Don't You Want Me" by the Human League. I wonder if she wants out.

@Thelnebriati

'Nice guys' see relationships as transactional and want credit for ordinary decent actions. Actual nice guys don't need public approval.

Agreed! Also actual nice guys don't get into relationships with women if they recognise that they are vulnerable. Actual nice guys want an equal relationship.

What a bellend.

He wants a medal because she was so helpless that he could have (HAVE!) abused her but didn't, and because he didn't ever comment on her weight?

And makes it sound like her getting her shit together was 100% because of him? He makes her sound like her isn't a person with her own agency, and that he has made all the decisions for her.

I feel like maybe he should have (HAVE!) read that post back to himself and thought 'hmmmm, how am I coming across here?'

Sounds like the friend who 'isn't keen' on him has it about right!

God that's awful and even worse, some of my friends have ❤️ liked the dangerous twaddle.

Can’t help but have these lyrics running through my head when I was reading this:

“I picked you out, I shook you up and turned you around
Turned you into someone new..,
...But don't forget, it's me who put you where you are now
And I can put you back you down too”

Really don’t like the tone of the piece at all. White Knight indeed.

I think it would be better if he started looking inward, at himself and other men, and actually did some practical actions to stop men doing what they do. Taking to men. Challenging men. I can't see much in his post that does this.

I think he is actually doing that. The kind of men that are drawn to relationships where they have a power imbalance with an insecure woman... well, he's giving them an alternative model for their relationships. The kind of insecure women who are drawn to relationships with someone who is domineering towards them... well, they get a new model too. Obviously to women who post on the Feminism board, it's all fairly repellent. But I think he's meeting some people where they are at.

YANBU OP, everything about his post makes it clear he doesnt see 'his Rach' as an equal but as some sort of pet project that he's rescued and should be ever so grateful that he doesn't beat her up

He wants to be treated with reverence because he 'didn't break her when he had the opportunity' . WTF

I think that on these threads theres a lot of 'If you dont agree with me you are just a female slave'. Like this But those of us stood back from him can see more clearly how corrupt he is!

Which is a shame. Ive been a feminist for over 35 years & seeing digs from a PP saying that 'there are apologist posts on here' is a shame. Where are the vocal feminists when women are being forced to adhere to strict religious requirements? And being told they arent 'sisters' if they dont suck up to the men & obey them unquestioningly?

I can see clearly what he is. I can see hes sexist & condescending & full of himself & wants to play the hero. And I can see its certainly possible that hes manipulating & abusing women, the "im so nice' game is one many play. But equally he could just be a bit of a knob - Rachel owns 50% of the business & I assume has her own social media posts not put here.

Im cynical AF, no ones fucking servant & wouldnt date this guy in a million years. But he is a type & I dont mean he is an abusive type - he is an example of a not very bright guy who is all about the gym & stuff. Hes got his online persona of Mr Motivator & it appeals to a certain target market.

As does the utter shit women get force fed every day by the likes of the Kardashians, & every stupid girl with a million selfies on instagram. At least poor Rachel gets to keep her clothes on & 50% of the business - which I can assure you means he can NOT control it. In business terms it is an utter stalemate.

If he started it & then gave 50% of it to someone else then he really is thick. That is just beyong stupid & hardly the work of a master manipulator.

Im hiring currently & am gobsmacked at the linked in profiles Im seeing from women. Pouting, careful angles, tousled hair. Fuck me hes the least of our worries.

It's a bit like men getting praise for looking after their own children but in this case it's a man wanting praise for not abusing a woman. Their actions are desirable but not heroic.

I see vodka's point though: in a ham-fisted way he is addressing the reality of all too many men who do try to break a woman instead of support her. I also thought of the Human League song though!

@Wanderingstars4238

Oh dear God. It sounded sexist all the way through -- at least to the part where he said he hated putting himself in a positive light ...There I stopped reading because I had enough already.

"Make or break your woman" sounds right off like he feels some ownership of her. I'm not gonna bother with my other annoyances, but I'd say your impression of this "old fashioned guy" is accurate.

Exactly the same here.

That was horrendous.

Lots of women want a big muscly man to save them though. Lots of men fancy themselves as that too.

Kan i think he may be attempting but not very well, it feels too much like putting this lady out like a trophy to me. Perhaps behind the scenes and in other posts he does more to focus on how many men can do better, that might give me a different view.

But for me, hearing about any transformation in this lady's life should come from her. It's not really his story to tell, otherwise it comes back to only men can build us back up again.

I don't think I trust his motives for plastering it all over FB.

But I'm a miserable, cynical old caaaah

I don't think I trust his motives for plastering it all over FB. But I'm a miserable, cynic

That post will have been released to motivate the members of their fitness community, he is trying to use the story as motivation for the members of the group (of which over 50,000 are paying members), and I would guess the majority are female.

Members very much relate to Rachel and use her as an inspiration, but he is the main voice of the business, it is his straight talking that most people pay their membership fee for, that's why I think he has told the story from his viewpoint. It was released from the business fb account, so I think Rachel would have been fully aware of the post and had some input in to its release - at the end of the day if it backfires then the business that she jointly owns is screwed.

I really don't understand what point you're making @Vodkacranberryplease. This is a feminist discussion board. If you don't want women to post feminist critiques of things which are posted here, why are you here?

Like I said I'm a miserable cynic and find it easier to buy into a persons inspirational story when it comes from them. Motivation = profit? Mmm